Good evening all,
Warning - long post!!
I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant, I think I'm around 5 weeks. I know for sure I do not want to keep this pregnancy but I feel so guilty having an abortion. My partner is against me having an abortion and has already told his work colleagues as he needed to 'get this out ' and speak to someone. I'm not happy about this.
The reasons for wanting to terminating this pregnancy include:
Age - I'm 34 years old by the time I have this baby I will be 35.
Miscarriages - I have previously had two miscarriages, unfortunately one I required emergency surgery.
Health - I have ongoing health issues including anxiety which I take medication for. I also have underactive thyroid and ongoing abdominal pain which the medics don't know the reason.
I'm a mum to a 8 year old. This was a very difficult pregnancy due to pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes. My daughter was also born premature.
Job - In the last six years i have manage to climb the ladder in management. But this is a very stressful and often I will be replying to e-mails out of hours or finishing work late. I feel like with a baby I would not be able to do this. Specially in the first 3 years. I do not want to lose what I worked so hard to achieve.
Finance- Although we are finally stable , I'm the main breadwinner and pay for the majority of bills. Often, I will have to support at the end of the month as my partner doesn't have enough money to cover the remaining bills.
Childcare- I do not have a good childcare support. My mum will pick my daughter from school a couple of times a week. But I can often see she is not happy and will add snooty comments such as : 'Oh no again', 'when are you off this week', 'when is she going to the childminder'. Therefore, I wouldn't be able to rely on my parents. My partner mum's leave abroad, so again this not an option.
Childcare- I could send the baby to nursery, but again this would be full time and I would be looking at least over £600 which is a lot of money and not worth me working.
Support- Although I have been in a relationship for over 15 years, my partner wasn't overall supportive with looking after my daughter. I had to do all the nights feeds and would then sleep in the morning. He also likes to watch football every weekend and play on his PlayStation. I feel the responsibility of the baby will be left mainly on me.
Finance -We bought our first home 2 years ago, and got a very good deal on fixed rate. However, in 3 years time i doubt very much the interest rate will be again 1.7%
Finally, maybe this is going to sound very selfish, but I'm at point in my life that I want to enjoy my freedom including going on holidays, go out for a meal without having to worry about a baby.
Please let me know your thoughts.