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Pregnancy choices

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Termination of pregnancy (please don't judge)

10 replies

JMDSD · 20/08/2024 19:19

Good evening all,
Warning - long post!!

I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant, I think I'm around 5 weeks. I know for sure I do not want to keep this pregnancy but I feel so guilty having an abortion. My partner is against me having an abortion and has already told his work colleagues as he needed to 'get this out ' and speak to someone. I'm not happy about this.

The reasons for wanting to terminating this pregnancy include:

Age - I'm 34 years old by the time I have this baby I will be 35.

Miscarriages - I have previously had two miscarriages, unfortunately one I required emergency surgery.

Health - I have ongoing health issues including anxiety which I take medication for. I also have underactive thyroid and ongoing abdominal pain which the medics don't know the reason.

I'm a mum to a 8 year old. This was a very difficult pregnancy due to pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes. My daughter was also born premature.

Job - In the last six years i have manage to climb the ladder in management. But this is a very stressful and often I will be replying to e-mails out of hours or finishing work late. I feel like with a baby I would not be able to do this. Specially in the first 3 years. I do not want to lose what I worked so hard to achieve.

Finance- Although we are finally stable , I'm the main breadwinner and pay for the majority of bills. Often, I will have to support at the end of the month as my partner doesn't have enough money to cover the remaining bills.

Childcare- I do not have a good childcare support. My mum will pick my daughter from school a couple of times a week. But I can often see she is not happy and will add snooty comments such as : 'Oh no again', 'when are you off this week', 'when is she going to the childminder'. Therefore, I wouldn't be able to rely on my parents. My partner mum's leave abroad, so again this not an option.

Childcare- I could send the baby to nursery, but again this would be full time and I would be looking at least over £600 which is a lot of money and not worth me working.

Support- Although I have been in a relationship for over 15 years, my partner wasn't overall supportive with looking after my daughter. I had to do all the nights feeds and would then sleep in the morning. He also likes to watch football every weekend and play on his PlayStation. I feel the responsibility of the baby will be left mainly on me.

Finance -We bought our first home 2 years ago, and got a very good deal on fixed rate. However, in 3 years time i doubt very much the interest rate will be again 1.7%

Finally, maybe this is going to sound very selfish, but I'm at point in my life that I want to enjoy my freedom including going on holidays, go out for a meal without having to worry about a baby.

Please let me know your thoughts.

OP posts:
pv9 · 21/08/2024 19:58

Hello,
Just trying to understand more, why do you think is age a reason to not have the child?
Not at all judging you, I've been in a similar situation. Just trying to understand better

NeonCarrot · 21/08/2024 20:49

You say your partner wants to have the baby - has he said if he is willing to help out more, especially since you are the main earner in the household? Has he matured in the last eight years and willing to take on more responsibility, or do night-time baby care? Have you run through your budget together to see if it would be possible to support another child? But most importantly, do you feel it is against your morals to abort? If so, I think that trying to get back to everyday life will be extremely hard if you choose termination. Have you considered whether you are happy with one child? Do you work from home, or do you have to go into the office? It's a lot of tough questions to ask, but you only get one chance to decide so you should give yourself time to carefully weigh your options. And I'm sorry that your mum isn't a better grandma, so many grandparents wish they lived closer to their grandchildren and could visit more often. That's a shame that she is acting bothered about it.

Anxious24 · 04/04/2025 18:45

@pv9 did you try again?

pv9 · 05/04/2025 04:56

I did try again, and I am 8weeks along now.
Not gonna lie, I am still really really scared/negative about it. But this time, I am going to be relying on the reports/doctor's view instead of my own negative thoughts.

Anxious24 · 05/04/2025 10:33

@pv9 well done you, how long did it take you to fall pregnant? How old are you? Sorry to ask I’m desperate to be pregnant

pv9 · 06/04/2025 15:12

I am 35, and it took us about 2-3 months of trying.
I think I was really lucky in that aspect.
@Anxious24 how long have you been trying? Have you consulted a doctor yet?

Anxious24 · 06/04/2025 18:35

39 and been trying 4 months I’m broken

Anxious24 · 08/04/2025 07:45

@pv9 how long ago was your abortion? Was it surgical?

pv9 · 13/04/2025 19:02

@Anxious24 I would recommend not losing hope and consulting your doctor. I wish you all the luck
I tried for 3 months as well.
My medical abortion was last year in August at 17weeks

Anxious24 · 13/04/2025 19:15

@pv9 did you end up
having surgery or were you ok? Mine was medical but had to have d&c

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