Second baby.

[nic200]

Hi, I have just found out that am pregnant with my second child. I am only 5 weeks and I thought that this was something I wanted but now that the time has come, I am terrified. I am very much debating wether or not to keep the pregnancy as I have a lot of concerns with life, work, my first baby and my partner and so I feel that a part of me wants things to stay the way they are as we have just found our way of being a family of 3. Another part of me feels absolutely awful for even fathoming the idea of an abortion. I feel if I was to go through with an abortion I would regret it but then keeping the pregnancy too I feel I could also regret. I am just looking for some advice as I feel very much on my own with these rotten thoughts. Thank you.

I can relate but have the opposite story to @gratefulmumma. Planned 3rd and the impact of the pregnancy hormones was extreme. I thought I’d ruined my kids’ lives. Wasn’t in my right mind at all with really severe peri natal anxiety. I had a termination and the aftermath has been horrendous. Still long for that 3rd child and can’t believe the state of mind I was in to make that decision. It’s a tough tough road when you react like that but take your time & don’t rush into anything. I’d give anything to have recognised that my mind had essentially been hijacked.

like poster57 says- getting anexity when pregnant is common but not anything people talk about so in your mind it can feel like you don't want the pregnancy but actually what is is almost a reaction to life changing worrying whether it will work out ok, all the uncertainties of pregnancybaby. Almost like any life change its easy to get the wobbles but with pregnancy you have all the hormones which make it a billion times more intense. the thing is getting a termination won't take take you back to where you were- it will be part of you and have its own mental impact. i had a termination because i paniced- and it was horrendous. i then had another pregnancy- and throughout i still questionned it all, worried i was ruining my other child's life etc but once he was in my arms its a lot better. i still have my wobbles but i am learning that i have wobbles over a lot of things. you may find it useful to talk with the midwife services as everywhere in england had a perinatal mh service which supports people during pregnancy. we now so much about postnatal depresison but noone really talks about the antenatal depression/anexity. message anytime as its a horrible thing to feel

ps i spent a lot of my pregnancy convinced i was ruining my son's life by having a second. but its been the complete opposite- they adore each other and my boy tells me how much he loves his little brother. i still have wobbles even now he's here but its a billion times better than when i had the termination. after you have a termination suddenly a cloud clears and you realise all those negative worries you had were that- worries not reality! i wish i had reached out to someone when i was paicing as realised what i needed was support rather than it was not that i didn't want the baby, i was 'just' scared

@nic200 OP, would you be happy to share what you did in the end? I honestly feel I could have written this post x

@Replayer I can't speak for the OP but I urge you to look at the other replies - they have great advice.

Replayer, do you want to talk out your feelings? Were you actively trying to conceive or was this an unintended pregnancy? Have you ever thought that you would like more than one child? Did you grow up as an only, or with one or more siblings? Does your partner know you're pregnant and how do they feel? Whatever nic200 did, it might not be the best choice for you and your unique circumstances. There are nice people here if you'd like to talk about your priorities, thoughts, and situation. I'll be praying for you.

Thank you for getting back to me @ByDreamyMintNewt and @SilverScales 🤍 I've only just noticed this today.

I've been going back and forth over it for a week but I think a termination is the right thing for me. I guess I was wondering how people live with these decisions afterwards whichever way they go? My feeling is that this is going to take me a long time to heal from and I don't hear a lot about people going through this and what happens following.

Hey Replayer - It's hard to know how having an abortion will affect you. It seems some people only figure out how they feel when it's too late. Some try not to think about it too hard and figure they will just deal with whatever aftermath comes their way.

Here are some threads where you can see a variety of reactions that people had to their abortions.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy_choices/4538049-life-after-abortion
https://exhaleprovoice.org/post/category/community/
Take your time to make up your mind, and I hope you'll be at peace with whatever you decide.

@Replayer To be honest, it can't be predicted - some women shrug it off and are absolutely fine, others really struggle. I think there's a big hormonal upheaval too, which affects some more then others.

I'd advise you to picture your life 5, 10, 20 years from now - what makes you happiest? Which of your reasons are the anxious "what ifs?" And which are the solid, practical?
If you feel sure you've made your decision then I'd also suggest you write yourself a letter or similar, so that if you have wobbles down the road you can look back and remind yourself on your reasoning and feelings.