TW - pregnancy termination

[MCH23]

Hi all. I’m not sure what I’m going to get out of posting this but maybe I’ll feel a little better if unsure.

I found out I was pregnant (very early around 4 weeks). Myself and my husband have 2 children already, one of which is barely 2. This wasn’t planned and very much has caused such decisiveness. My husband supports me 1000% in whatever I want to do and we have decided on a termination.

I know in my heart this is for the best. Not just financially, but I’m a student nurse, our lives are so hectic, we couldn’t afford a bigger car, we both work and our eldest has a lot of commitments with sport. My husband said that I have to be selfish and think about what I want, my career, my day-to-day life etc. He works full time and is out of the house a lot with our eldest due to as explained above, a lot of sport commitments.

but I can’t help but have this niggly feeling and I feel SO selfish, we did this, yes I’m only early on however I feel like I’m not sure how I’ll forgive myself knowing the reasons I have terminated the pregnancy for. Essentially, my own career/gain.

I suppose I’m just looking for someone to tell me that it’s ok to make such a decision so selfishly, our youngest is a handful but I’m riddled with guilt. I know we can’t afford a 3rd, childcare etc but somehow I just can’t stop thinking about how I should just ‘cope’.

Thank you.

Hi
you shouldn’t feel selfish if the decision was made for the benefit of your lifestyle…but if this helps it sounds like to me you made the decision for your FAMILY. How would continuing with the pregnancy have impacted your children? It sounds like it would have been really hard. I think terminations are harder emotionally for a lot of women when you already have children. It seems to me you made a logical decision based on what is best for the children you already have….this doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid and I get it x

There’s a designated section for your question, could you move it there? It’s called “Pregnancy choices”.

Thank you. Your very much correct x

Hope you’re okay OP x

UPDATE

over the past 24 hours, I keep having second thoughts, then bouncing back to the reality of work/finances/car size etc. I’m really concerned I’m going to regret this. I can’t leave it any longer than 9 weeks or it has to be done surgically. From the date of my last period. I would be 5 weeks. I know what’s right for us, but having these second thoight is concerning as I don’t want to end up regretting my decision.

I think the first poster was right that you are making this decision for your existing family. A third child would have a big impact on your existing kids. Could you cope if they had additional needs? I can totally understand the guilt but I think it’s a head over heart decision.

You really need to have some proper pregnancy counselling about this, not ask for views from random people on the internet. No one can make this decision for you. It's you who has to live with whatever decision you make. Any termination provider will have a counselling service pre termination. Make use of it.

Only you can decide OP but I would question if you are making the right decision if you are second guessing your self , think long term can you live with that choice and the what if's? Personally o wouldn't be able to go through with it if it was a healthy pregnancy but at the end of the day nobody here can make your mind up for you x

Sending you so much love right now.

I was in the same situation at the end of May this year and like you, I had doubts about a termination. Something worth noting is that booking a termination is not quick. I had to wait 2 weeks for an appointment and you can always go to the appointment and talk through your feelings with a professional. You will not be pushed into having the abortion if it is not something you are fully comfortable with.

There is no shame in making decisions about our own bodies and our own future. Having a termination can be a selfless thing to do in order to protect your own health and the family unit you have right now.
Also, if you decide to find a way to make it work, you will. I am a firm believer in things falling into place.

In the lead up to my appointment date, the fear of another child started to disappear, and I felt like I had more clarity on how to make it work. Sometimes, the shock of being pregnant again stirs up so many negative emotions, and it takes time to see things more clearly as what they are.
Whatever you decide, it has to be the right decision for you and your family. I hope you have people to open up to and talk about this with. Abortion should not be a taboo subject.

Wishing you all the best 💖

Op I had a termination just before Christmas. I found out I was pregnant at 10 weeks after believing I'd had a miscarriage at 5. I have two children and had just started a new job. I had to have a surgical termination.

I feel sad and will always think "what if" but it was the best decision for my family. I was treated with so much kindness whilst in hospital and only my husband and best friend knew and they supported me. My best friend especially. Do you have a friend you can confide in too so you have someone to talk to in real life?

Sending you so much love ❤️

You are completely correct. The medication has arrived I’m just trying to find the right time/courage to do it x

Yes. My friend knows. As does my mum and nan. They are supportive of the termination and said I have to be selfish in this circumstance. I know what’s right and I know posting on here isn’t going to make my mind up for me but it helps. Thank you x

I have the medication at home. It’s just finding the right time x

Hello

If you don't mind me asking, did you get the medication sent in the post to you? If so, how long did this take?

I hope you make the best decision for you and you don't suffer afterwards. It sounds like you're being sensible and thinking everything through properly, take as much time as possible. Best of luck x

Sorry you are going through this OP. Have you been able to speak to a counsellor at all? Although you say you have to be selfish and do what is best for your career / existing family, you do also have concerns that you will regret it, so speaking to a counsellor might help clarify your thoughts.
I had a termination at 20, and have regretted it ever since. It was especially diffcult in the few months immediately following, the finality shocked me and I struggled to come to terms with it. I was unemployed at the time, but wouldn't have felt able to work if I'd had a job. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if you do have major regrets it could impact your career / family too.
I hope you make the best decision for you and all goes as well as it can in the circumstances x

I am 64.. so long past those times !

My thoughts are that you don't sound certain .. Just to be absolutely clear 1 I am 1000% pro choice .. which people confuse with being pro abortion.. pro choice is just that .. it's your choice . I was in your situation, a long long time ago.. no pills available, was sitting in the abortion clinic (something I will take to my grave) .. she graduated last week.

Was it easy ? No .. we had a 7 year gap and I had a career .. we had NO MONEY for ten years.. literally looking down the back of the sofa for bus fare !

But all three have now eventually graduated.. and littlest is so close to her siblings.

I will temper that with honest reality . Without her life would have been so much easier .. less stressful and probably more beneficial in some ways .. but to the siblings it has been nothing but a plus .

I do not envy your decision nor do I judge it . Just giving an opinion from someone who was there and went the other way .

It's a major decision, and some people feel it is choosing to end a life. If you are in that category, choosing to abort may not solve your problem, it may just create new problems and cause long-term unrest in your heart and mind. If you find yourself unable to take the pills, let your partner know you are not capable of doing it, and say you'll just need to find another way. Some people abort and are able to move on, and some are not. You can't know 100% what the emotional consequences are for you, but you probably have an idea deep down. Be honest with yourself and make sure you feel at peace about whatever choice you decide on making. I only say this because there are so many "took the first pill and immediately regretted" posts on Mumsnet, it's a very common situation and so sad. All my best to you.

Thank you. It was difficult to actually do it and I couldn’t bring myself to take that first tablet, sat with it in my hand for a good hour. However I’ve done it, the pain was extreme, I felt like I was in labour again! It’s eased this morning and I have been able to come to work. I somehow feel some kind of relief which I didn’t expect x

Sending you a big hug I hope you are okay and mind yourself 💗

Well done for being so brave, OP. Your feeling of relief is reassuring to you that you made the right decision. I hope the worst and hardest parts of the process are over for you now. Take care of yourself x