Pregnant again- am I an awful person?

[Melody150]

I had a medical abortion in June at 9 weeks.
We had planned the pregnancy but when I found out I just panicked and thought I didn’t want it.
As soon as I had the abortion I knew I had made the biggest mistake and immediately wanted to get pregnant again. All the things I worried about were so insignificant and I couldn’t understand why I had done what I did.
Now I think I’m pregnant again, I can’t be sure as I hadn’t even had a cycle in between but I am testing positive and all my symptoms are back. I am over the moon and so excited to be pregnant. I’m already planning how I’m going to tell everyone etc.
I have stopped feeling guilty about he termination and almost forgotten about it. Does this make me awful?! I feel like I will be a liar and a fraud telling everyone I’m pregnant ans getting excited when they don’t know I had an abortion just weeks ago. I’m so scared of people finding out about it and judging me.

No one needs to know about your abortion unless you decide to tell them.
Not feeling guilty about ending a pregnancy before this was does not make you a bad person. You made a choice. You've now gained experience and perspective because of that choice. Hard decisions in life, and the experiences from that help shape what we do next. Draw that line for yourself and focus on what you have in front of you.

You dont owe anyone an explanation for your body, but owe yourself grace and kindness.

I am similar to you- i had a termination last feb due to panic, regretted it and was pregnant again in april and had my baby in jan. i am trying my hardest to not yet those feelings of guilt etc overshadow and like you say not feel bad about NOT feeling bad. most days i rationalise it that ive been given a second chance and not embracing it will not change what has happened. its a bit like any grief eg widowers who then meet someone new- you are allowed to smile, laugh and love your pregnancy. there are many a day that i do not think about what happened. but also sometimes you can have a wobble but thats natural. no one knows what we went through and i sometimes think how the fuck could i explain that but they wont find out and all i can do is embrace motherhood and look forward rather than back. we will also never know what may have happened to the other pregnancy- something may have gone wrong anyway and instead I try and take a glass half full approach- i have a healthy baby this time. please message any time- theres a few of us who have gone onto have another baby in similar scenarios. wishing you all the best x