Difficult decision I don’t want to make, feeling lost

[SecretHappiness]

Excuse the username, it was made back when I was feeling optimistic.

I’m 41 and 11+6 weeks pregnant with a very much wanted baby. DP and I conceived naturally after trying for a while. We have a DD who is 4 and always wanted two children.

With DD, I had an unwanted ‘elective’ c-section, pushed into it during covid times.

This time, baby implanted very low, near the c-section scar found after early pain and bleeding prompted a scan. I’ve felt great for over a month so far, no pain or bleeding, just very tired.

Doctors have told us it’s a tricky situation. The pregnancy wasn’t on the scar but very close, which is risky. They also mentioned the increased risk of chromosomal issues due to my age. So far, all fetal tests show a healthy, active baby, but the fetal team now believes the placenta is likely on the scar (partially), 95% likely. This makes our decision incredibly tough. Termination could mean a hysterectomy, ending our chances for more children. Continuing could risk rupture or placental failure. To me, 95% isn’t a definite yes and it’s not their specific area of expertise. (I’m not blaming here, just holding on to whatever I can)

I have DD to consider, I don’t want to die and don’t want to terminate what seems like a healthy baby. If something happened naturally, maybe we could live with that.

DP and I are on the same page, but we’re struggling emotionally and trying not to trigger each other. DD has been innocently talking about being a big sister for a little while, which gives me hope and heartache. (She doesn’t know)

We’re praying the fetal team is wrong. The obstetrics team didn’t think the placenta was on the scar last time, and we have a follow-up with them soon. If it’s not on the scar, we might be dealing with complete placenta praevia, risky but manageable nowadays. I’ve heard a pregnancy on the scar is ectopic, with serious risks for both of us.

I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I’ve never hoped for someone to be more wrong in my life. The next few days waiting our next appt feels like a lifetime.

I feel so lost, where do I go from here? What do I do? How can this get better? I feel frozen. I don’t know what to do.

Apologies for the long post. I didn’t know how to make it all more brief. Also, I don’t know if this the right board for this. If not, please let me know. Thank you.

So sorry to hear what you are going through, it sounds like a very worrying situation. I can't really comment on the scar, having never had a c-section. The only thing I do know is that it can be very difficult to see things on a scan at an early stage. With my second I was told at the 12 week scan I had a low placenta and may need a c-section due to possible placenta praevia. They then did another scan at around 30 weeks, and said it was no longer low. They explained they'd not been able to tell from the first scan whether the placenta had implanted on an area that would grow away from the cervix or not.
Hopefully the medical team monitoring you will have more positive findings at the next appointment, I hope things work out for you x

Thank you so much for commenting and sharing your experience. It does make me feel better to know that because in my pregnancy with DD I had a different issue but similarly told something from a scan that turned out to be different when scanned by someone else a few days later. At least I can hold on to that now. I hope all worked out and is well for you x

I don't have any useful advice but I will be praying for you during this anxious time, and hope all will be well and that your daughter will be a big sister before long. So sorry about this stressful situation, I can't imagine how you must feel

I just wanted to comment in solidarity @SecretHappiness as whilst not exactly the same, DH and I are in a similar predicament so understand only too well the limbo of making such a decision. Whilst it’s early days for us I’ve been advised it looks like my placenta is currently covering the birth canal. As I understand it those that fully cover the cervix are unlikely to rectify themselves. I had a PPH with DD and was told I wasn’t able to have a transfusion due to allergies so I’m terrified of having a bleed. We’ve got an appointment with the consultant on Monday so I’m hoping we’ll have more clarity then, but I feel completely numb to the pregnancy and growing baby and I’m strongly considering a termination as I don’t want to do anything that might risk DD growing up without a mummy.

Fingers crossed you get some better news at your next appointment x

Thank you @NeonCarrot, that’s very kind of you and very welcome x

Thank you @NormaNormalPants and such a hard situation for you to be in too. Completely in solidarity with you too, it feels impossible to know what to do when those risks seem to loom over our heads.

I’m wishing you all the clarity you need on Monday and positive news. You’ll be in my thoughts x

Meant to say and your thoughtful prayer is very welcome. Thank you x

@SecretHappiness , really hoping your most recent scan has brought some better news for you and you are keeping well.

Thank you @Hayl777. Funnily enough I just had my latest scan today. What serendipitous timing!

I feel so much better about it all than I did when I wrote my op, although technically the situation is pretty much the same, I am now 16 wks along, baby is doing well and I am being looked after by an incredibly experienced and supportive medical team who are monitoring mine and the baby’s progress closely. So far so good :)

Thank you for asking x

That's great to hear, glad for the update dear! Sounds like you are in good capable hands.

so glad things are progressing, take it each day as it comes, knowing every day brings you closer to having a baby in your arms