Mum of 2, unsure on third

[SwiftieMumof2]

I am 30 and had my first two children when I was younger. They are now 9 and 7. That chapter of my life with small children, buggies and nappies was very much finished but I had held in my head that I'd have one more after I had focused on my career etc.

My husband and I had talked about having another child and we are enjoying our current independence. More money, more breaks the 2 of us, both working full time and lots of adventures/ quality time with the 2 children. We had spoken about thinking again in a few years whether we would have baby number 3. I had always wanted another baby but there are a few house jobs, finance/ loans to pay off from our recent wedding that meant I had also wanted to wait a little longer.

Well now I've found out we are pregnant with baby no3. (4 weeks, due in April 25) I was very surprised however excited but my husband reaction has upset me. He is asking should we continue with the pregnancy. I am shocked and feel the timing isn't quite perfect but that wasn't ever on my mind. I was already thinking of foods I shouldn't be eating and vitamins I should be taking!

He is worried about finances, space in our house (we have a 3 bed, who would share/ baby wouldnt have a nursery) and the effect on our relationship, needing a new car and he feels like timing is wrong for us. I am always more than an optimist than a pessimist but his reaction has upset me. Am I not thinking of the bigger picture? Of how a third baby will effect us? And change our current dynamics? He is also worried about how we will cope as we already have a child awaiting diagnosis for autism/adhd who's behaviour is challenging.

We also wanted to have our first abroad holiday in summer in 5 years because of covid, a wedding, extension etc and it feels like we have to put these things on hold and I feel sad for our current children as I don't know if our finances can stretch to buying new baby stuff and the holiday.

I guess I just need an outlet for my worries and wondering about how others have felt in similar position.

X

It sounds like you do want the baby.i appreciate there are practical concerns but there is never a perfect time for a baby. you want a 3rd and the fact you are considering vitamins, baby stuff etc means this feels real for you. in terms of the cost of the baby- the baby stuff is fairly cheap if you pick up stuff second hand etc. they can sleep in your room for at least a year. i appreciate holidays are important but would you enjoy it or would you be on it wishing you had continued the pregnancy instead? i say this all because when i was unexpectadly pregnant with my 2nd and a 7 year old I worried about all these practicalities then had a termination and suddenly all the practicalities seemed silly and things we could have sorted and holidays felt shallow. i was lucky enough to conceive again and have a baby but i forever wish i had kept the other pregnancy and its affected me mentally a lot. so i would say if you have any consideration of having a third please keep this pregnancy. your husband will accept it and they dont have to deal with the emotional fall out from a termination. so think about what you want emotionally as the other stuff will work itself out. i am not trying to be anti choice but i think even with planned pregnancies we can panic abut the practicalities but thinking about emotionally which option you could cope with better is important

Hi Swiftiemum, I read your post a few times and it sounds like you really are excited about another child and that that was always the plan. You've already had two so you know what items babies really need and which are just fluff. You can get a lot of baby equipment and clothes second hand or passed down from friends. This baby may turn into a blessing because the longer you wait, the greater the gap between your children's ages, and it will only get harder as time goes on. Also, it is you who will have to undergo and live with an abortion, not your husband, so he needs to understand that you get more than 50% of the say in what happens here. It's normal for people to worry when they're not sure exactly how something will work out, but sometimes we have to trust ourselves, and our resourcefulness that we can make it work. This sounds like something you want to do, don't let anyone take that away from you, or make your wishes feel less important. We only get this one life, and some choices are too important to compromise on. Listen to your heart, nothing good comes without risks. You sound strong and capable, and I wish you all the best.

I feel like I could have written this myself! In exactly the same situation. I have a termination booked for in a weeks time, but I’m not sure if I can go through with it. My partner really doesn’t want another child but I feel like it’s not an easy decision to have an abortion.

How have things gone since you posted this? I hope your husband is being more supportive x

@Maddielou if you can i would access some counselliing before your appointment. it can be easy to get caught up in the process e.g going to the appointment because its booked but it can be a life changing decision either way and its important you make peace which what you want rather than other people's views, the panic etc. wishing you all the best