Feeling alone - awaiting MA

[Strawberryfieldsforever93]

Hi everyone, I haven’t posted a lot on mumsnet before, just hoping for a bit of handholding really. I found out yesterday that I’m pregnant after birth control failed and immediately knew that I’d be seeking an abortion.

I'm a mum of a 3 year old and me and my partner always discussed potentially having another next year as we’re not financially in a place where we would feel comfortable - plus a nice age gap for our eldest.

Since finding out I’ve really struggled emotionally, I know it’s something I want to do but I feel ashamed and like I’ve failed in being responsible. I find myself getting overwhelmed and just bursting into tears every so often. I know a lot of people who have had miscarriages etc and the pain it causes them so I feel guilt about that. My partner is fully supportive in my decision and always there for me but I don’t have a lot of friends I could speak to, I don’t know what their personal stances are and afraid of being judged.

I have my first call with MSI on Thursday. I was hoping to arrange a surgical abortion but I can see from research that it’s unlikely as I’m only around 4-5 weeks so I’ll probably end up taking the pills next week.

if anybody has any kind words or their own experiences to share then I’d really appreciate it.

Please dont feel irresponsible! I am in the same situation as you however i have a surgical abortion on friday afternoon booked.
my husband had a vasectomy one year previously so this all came to us as a complete shock.
im embarrased to say i have had both a surgical and medical abortion when i was a lot younger. I also developed medical anxiety about a year ago so after a lot of reading i decided a surgical under GA would suit me best.

you're absolutely not irresponsible and unfortunately mistakes can happen.
try and remain as calm as you can (easier said than done) I've gone through every single emotion possible in three short weeks.
this will all pass 🌺❤️

Just to add, I’ll be 5 weeks and 6 days on Friday. You absolutely can have a surgical early. I’m in Scotland and was under the impression they didn’t offer surgical at all, however they do and I’ve had no issues at all getting mine. The other route you could try is doing the pills in hospital, at least if it’s painful you’d have access to stronger pain relief, that was my original plan until I just completely decided against the pills.

im genuinely not looking forward to it but it’s the easiest way for me to do it mentally.

Hi Strawberryfields, I'm so sorry you're in this shocking situation where you got pregnant before you meant to. However, I hope you won't rush into aborting since you say you were thinking of having another baby next year. Oftentimes life doesn't go just the way we planned it, but we end up making things work and it can be a blessing in disguise. If you kept this pregnancy you'd have your baby in the spring of 2025, and you would have a decent age gap with your current. It's scary to have an unplanned pregnancy but sometimes once you have a chance to come to terms with it, you decide that it's worth taking a chance on. Abortion is easier for some than others, and if you had the baby, you don't have to chance a hard recovery- plus, if you only want two, your husband could get a vasectomy and you'd never have to worry about birth control fails again (assuming the procedure works correctly). I hope you will give yourself all the time you need to make this important choice, and that you can find a way through it that you feel good about.

Perhaps I should’ve said we were hoping to start TTC next year, not actually have a baby. It is scary to have an unplanned pregnancy as my son was unplanned, I’m not at all wavering in my decision. Me and my partner (not husband) have discussed it a lot. I’m just struggling to cope with the emotions that come with it.

That’s interesting to know! I will definitely ask that question as I definitely preferred the surgical option. Thanks for highlighting this and for your kind words.

Be a kind to yourself a you can be, it honestly much a rollercoaster of emotions.
ive been scared, angry, upset etc etc but i have a 13 year old and my husband has an 11 year old, both neurodivergent so a lot of work. We have an amazing family dynamic and this just isn’t something we planned.

try and relax, I’ve found box breathing exercises really helpful, also came to the conclusion I’ll be well looked after in the hospital so I’ve calmed down immensely.
im here if you need to chat x

I am currently still in hospital and woke up from my SA at 2.30.

its genuinely been a very relaxed and positive experience. I had a cry this morning and the staff have just been out of this world.
im not in any pain, have eaten and even being put to sleep was so peaceful.

if you are able to do surgical, I can’t stress enough how nice this experience has been albeit the shittiest of circumstances.

I hope you’re ok OP x

thanks for your message and so glad that you’re recovering well and have had a positive experience.

unfortunately I realised that surgical option would only be available for me 2hrs away and I can’t sort it because of childcare reasons, so I’ve opted for the MA. I have a pre existing condition so I’m currently waiting for the right care team to contact me before I can have tablets sent out to me. It’s frustrating having to wait longer - the worst part is ‘feeling’ pregnant knowing that the outcome is so different this time.

I completely agree. When I had my daughter I wasnt nearly as unwell as I was this time around.

thats such a shame, I hope you’re not waiting too long and everything goes really well for you.

I’ve had a really pleasant experience even though it wasn’t a nice thing to do. That’s me heading home now and I genuinely feel a lot better. Keep in touch if you need anyone to speak to and I hope it all goes well for you x