TFMR - arranging my own

[PregnantNowScrewed]

I should be 7 weeks pregnant but had my third early scan today which confirmed that the pregnancy is dating 7 days behind confirmed dates, slow heart beat and enlarged yolk sac.

The NHS maintain it is a viable pregnancy because there is a heartbeat but the sonographer said the yolk sac was a concern. My private doctor says that it looks like a chromosomal issue and while she can’t say 100%, she expects that the heart will stop beating in a week or 2 and then it could take 3-4 weeks for a miscarriage to start.

I can’t bear the thought of waiting for 6 weeks+ for this to resolve, and have the uncertainty of when it’s going to start hanging over me in that time. I have 2 young DCs and don’t want to ruin their summer holidays with this. I think I would like to arrange a termination so that I can have some control over the timing and process. Neither the EPU nor my private doctor can do this and said I have to go via BPAS. Has anyone done something similar?

This was a very much wanted pregnancy. I feel so alone in this - all the medical professionals know the reality but have to basically pretend there is some hope.

Since you really want another child, do you think it's worth it to let the pregnancy continue and see if the doctors are wrong? There are so many cases I have seen where the mother was told one thing, and it didn't turn out to be an issue. If you end up miscarrying, I don't think it would ruin your childrens' summer. Or are you scared that if the baby lives, there will be some kind of health problem? I'm so sorry that you are going through this scary, uncertain time and hope you can find the best way through it.

Thank you.

My private doctor said that in her view it is very unlikely that the pregnancy would make it to 12 weeks. She said the normal trajectory would be slowing growth and then the heart stopping in the next 2 weeks.

Things are so obviously wrong (dates way out, yolk sac now way beyond normal limits) that even if the pregnancy miraculously continued there is no way it would result in a healthy baby at the end.

I’ve booked another private scan on Tuesday in the hope that the heart will have stopped by then so that I can be treated in the EPU, and a BPAS consultation for Wednesday as a back up.

It feels like a huge gap
in care and really compounding the pain of it all that I have to effectively “choose” a termination and arrange it all myself when all the medical professionals know the reality of the situation.

I have been in this situation. Did you go to the early pregnancy unit? Have they offered you another scan, given the non-reassuring findings? I also was measuring a week behind with a heartbeat at 7 weeks but it was the speed of the heartbeat (about 100bm) that seemed to give the doctor and sonographer (both in room at same time) most concern. They agreed with your private doctor that this almost certainly pointed to a chromosomal issue and imminent demise.

They made me an appointment for 10 days later and when I went back the heartbeat had stopped, as predicted, so it was dealt with as a missed miscarriage. I also made an appointment with Marie Stopes because I didn't want it to drag on (if there had still been a slow heartbeat, would also have been happy if all was well!). But they weren't able to offer anything for two weeks anyway. (I had to have a surgical rather than medical procedure for other reasons.)

Thank you @hopsalong and I’m so sorry this happened to you too.

EPU booked me in for a repeat scan in 2.5 weeks, which is now next Friday. I really don’t want it to drag on that long. If my scan tomorrow shows the heartbeat has stopped then I will call the EPU and try to get seen sooner. I’ve got a phone consultation with BPAS on Wednesday and will ask for medical management - not sure if they will need to see me or can just post me the medication.

I’ve had 3 mvas in the past so think I need to go for medical management this time. It’s a nightmare juggling all these appointments with full time work and kids and feeling miserable…I just want to be on the other side of it now.

@PregnantNowScrewed
I'm really sorry to hear this. My experiences with the EPU (various ones, two in successful pregnancies, two in unsuccessful ones!) have always been pretty good and I've never been asked to wait that long for a scan. I think once with a subchorionic hematoma it was 2 weeks, but that was after the first scan was basically reassuring, showing a normal embryo and small hematoma.

It is awful with older children too.

Could you travel to a different EPU? Not sure where you're based, but I found the one at Queen Charlotte's to be very good and not too busy.

I agree that it's painful to treat a missed miscarriage as an abortion, and very annoying if that then follows you round on subsequent forms/ medical documents.