Should I tell my boss I'm having an abortion?

[Indecisivewoman1]

Hi, I've had a very hard time recently after finding out about our shock pregnancy two weeks ago. When I found out I took the afternoon off work. The rest of that week I worked from home and then took another half day because I was struggling to focus on anything else and I couldn't face being in the office. It's been an extremely hard decision for us and it's really getting me down to the point I think I've become depressed. I also feel constantly sick and so unwell. Last week I continued to work from home but took some time out of work for the scan appointment at BPAS. My boss prefers that I'm in the office and usually I only work from home one day a week. I went into the office on the Thursday due to an important meeting and my boss said I looked unwell. Up until now, I have been telling my boss it's a private medical issue, however I have always been very open with her about my health issues (mainly endometriosis and awful totm). This was treated last year and she was aware of this. Last Thursday she asked if my issues were the same thing, lady problems etc. I just said yes but feel awful lying. I'm now waiting for my pills to come in the post and I just can't face going into the office this week. The midwife said I would need some time off but I'm not sure what to tell my boss. My mum (who also works at the same company and is the only other person that knows) said I should maybe mention it as my boss may be more understanding, however my husband disagrees and says I don't need to say anything. What do you think? Should I tell her? I'm really struggling and feel so unwell all the time and I'm so anxious about what is to come this week I just can't go into the office. I don't even want to work at all right now, but I don't know what to say to my boss. Thanks

I work for a big company and it was a no brainer for me when I found I was pregnant, even though I know I wouldn’t keep it. I called the relevant department and declared my pregnancy. I then took several weeks off while I had an abortion. I did it purely because pregnancy related absence is protected, and discounted from the standard absence and sickness procedure. I was bleeding for several weeks after my MA and quite frankly, didn’t want to work while my head was in a spin.

If you feel you need time off and don’t want the hassle of trying to get out of work other ways, either through normal sickness or annual leave etc…then declare it. They don’t need to know you are having a termination. When you are ready, you contact work and say you’ve had a pregnancy loss. I have no issue telling anyone that I’ve had an abortion, work or otherwise, I have the letter from MSI with my treatment, and you will too so you can prove your ‘pregnancy’ if necessary.

Thanks for this. My company is really small. Only 8 staff so it's noticed when I'm not there. I feel like I should mention it to my boss as I usually always tell her everything but I'm not sure how she'd react. Only 6 months ago I was crying in front of her after I'd found out we wouldn't be able to have kids (a lots has changed in that time)! So far I've just said personal issue and that I'm not in a good place. Luckily she is very flexible and understanding. I've been working since I've found out, just from home which is not her preference. Although I have told her that I will need some time off towards the end of the week. As I've been 'ill' for two weeks and I'm now going to be off, I do wonder if she suspects something. I just feel bad not being completely honest, but I also think this is between my myself and my husband and we shouldn't have to tell anyone if we don't want to. I'm being made redundant next year anyway, I was told this on Thursday, so this time next year I won't be in this job anyway.

Hi hun . I wouldn't say it was a termination as you never know how some people stand on these things and it's very private . I would say a pregnancy lost you have had and leave it at that. I has to take 2 months off work now I didn't have a job when mine happend so I held off looking
for a new job for a good two months but you don't need to disclose so much personal information regardless if she is nice boss and a small company I would say that you are having a pregnancy loss or pregnancy issues and only when you are ready go back to work. It's very hard emotionally and on the body you have to rest a lot . Sending you a big hug xx

Hi, thanks for getting back to me. Sorry for the delay, it's been a rough week to say the least. Still not feeling great a week on from the abortion. I've still not told my boss and I'm currently working from home. I took a few days off sick last week after the treatment. I'm considering saying it was a pregnancy loss but no doubt she will ask questions (she sometimes can't help herself and speaks before she thinks a lot of the time). I'm not sure how I'd answer. I guess I just say I had a pregnancy loss and don't want to talk about it and hopefully leave it at that. No doubt she'll be asking my mum questions too though. She's already been asking her if I'm ok etc and when I'll be back in the office (even though I've told her). Just trying to get information I guess. Like I said in my OP, I'm always very open and honest with her but am very reluctant with this. I would like to call her shortly and tell her I will be back in the office next week so will continue to work from home the rest of this week. I feel so anxious. Not really what I need right now. Thank you xx

@Indecisivewoman1 my dad always tells me dont worry about the world as it doesn't worry back. I know your boss is nice woman and you are always honest with her but I think with this situation you don't owe anyone anything . If you decide to tell her it was a pregnancy loss then tell
your mam the same date as the loss (abortion date ) so story is the same . Some people are very nice but may have their own values and beliefs about abortion and after an abortion a woman is so low and down the last thing you need is judgment or paranoia of judgment if she doesn't react the way you think she may. This is an extremely private matter and very tough time. My advice is keep it to yourself and go with a loss just to keep yourself safe when you're very vulnerable. There are no words I can say to make you feel better . Sending you lots of love and hugs xx

Hi there, I’m 29, have been in a relationship for only a short while then got accidentally pregnant. I’m currently 6 weeks pregnant and going through the process of getting an abortion. But the symptoms have been so overwhelming both physically and mentally that I’ve had to work from home too. My boss doesn’t care if the work is done as long as I am going to the office which is extremely frustrating. And I’ve told them I’m ill and I haven’t received much sympathy (Bear in mind I don’t get sick pay).

My workplace is predominantly religious males and I can’t even tell my boss what is actually going on and why I’m taking time off. I have not been able to tell anyone in my family or friends because of the stigma of getting pregnant before marriage and not to mention abortion. I’m feeling so overwhelmed and incredibly lonely at the same time. I really don’t know how to deal with the work situation. My surgery is on Monday and the earliest I can get back to the office is Wednesday.