Help, am I being out of order?

[Marygirl90]

Hey Guys,

I'm new here and just looking for some opinions/advice on a particular topic. I will give some background and information now and any weigh ins would be greatly appreciated.

I'm 34 and recently found I am expecting my first child with my boyfriend 42, he currently has a son 4 from a previous relationship, we live in a lovely 3.5 bed house, 3 bedrooms and an office room.

Our current set up is master bedroom being our bedroom, second size bedroom being son/his mothers room (decorated equally for both), followed by a dressing room for me and then an office. He has a room set up for his mum as she lives in Spain so stays with us when she is in UK, he is one of three brothers and he is the only one with a room for her.

Now finding out I am pregnant comes the space talk, where will things go, nursery etc. Being a first time mum a nursery is very important to me and something I have always planned and envisioned etc. I have said from get go I would sacrifice my dressing room for a nursery but I do have a lot of things so my partner questions where will it all go? I have came up with the solution that my dressing room becomes a nursery, the office gets used maybe 4/5 times a year so I have suggested that become part playroom for his son/part office and i reduce my belongings so some wardrobes and draws for me can fit in his sons room (his son spends one night a week with us). The only issue with this is there is a double bed in that room (for his mum when she visits) so it would mean getting rid of that to some sort of child's cabin bed to keep it as a room for his son/my wardrobes etc.

My partner was not keen on this idea as he is reluctant to lose a bed for his Mother, he has suggested keeping everything as it is and just putting a cot in our room, which I'm pretty upset about as having a room for our baby, a place to nurse etc is important.

His mum has a lump sum of money invested in the house so he uses this as she deserves a bed based on that. We are looking to purchase a bigger property in a couple years so I have said there will be a spare room back then for her but for now could she maybe lean on his siblings for space as we are also a growing family, he isn't convinced and reverts back to just creating a nursery in the corner of our room.

I have said my only priority is having space and comfort for our family and a bed, toy space for his son when he stays, but it seems his differs.

Am I being out of order for wanting to switch things around to accommodate a nursery over a bed for his Mother? I just cannot see the logic is cohabiting in one space when we are there 7 days a week and there will be a room that is used one day a week and perhaps 4 times a year. Opinions?

I dont want to come across insensitive but maybe you could get this thread moved to get more replies? Nursery rooms aren't on a lot of our minds on this board 🙈
But if I was in your position couldn't some dressing room stuff go in the office instead of the toys, and just leave the spare room as it is?

I would say in this situation you are being unreasonable about the spare room bed for your mother in law. You should keep this. You have two small rooms (dressing room and office) that could be a nursery. I think you probably either need to declutter your things in your dressing room so they fit either in your bedroom or the office if you want a dedicated nursery. Or do your husbands suggestion of cot in your room.

But yes, also move this thread, it's a quiet page. Aibu will get you a million responses.

You have plenty of rooms. Not many people have dressing rooms or offices let alone both. If the office only gets used 5 times a year ditch it and make it into a nursery. Make a bedroom for your step son and a spare bedroom out of your dressing room, where your MIL can sleep. Or make the small office into a spare room with a single spare bed and your dressing room into the nursery.
you are lucky to be in the position where you can have a room each and a spare, you just need to use your space better

I feel like you’re getting a rough go of it in the comments. I fully understand your desire to have a separate nursery, even if you don’t end up using it. You’d have to think about making that your child’s bedroom at some point anyway. For me, it’s the principle that your partner is happy to cram 3 people into the master room, leaving 3 rooms basically untouched to make sure his mother doesn’t lose her bed. Dressing room/play room should be one room, current dressing room becomes nursery and son’s bedroom remains the same (with additional wardrobes for your stuff). I’d probably also open the conversation about paying off the lump sum to partner’s mother. That doesn’t mean she needs to have a bed in the house and now that you’re having a child, I’d want to consider what this means re. any claim she may have on the house. Does no one sleep in single beds/ blow up beds when visiting any more?!