Need help about medical abortion

[SWJ90]

Hello please no judgment here as I am struggling to come to terms with what to do.
Partner and I were due to TTC at the end of this year (I’m 32 he is 35) we are so excited to have a baby but want to wait until we are financially stable and in a position where we have secure jobs.
I am part time at the moment and trying to change career before we TTC as my current job is making me unhappy/ miserable and sad. I wanted to change this before pregnancy because I don’t feel like I’d manage being so down at work and also being pregnant.
We are renovating our house to sell but it is nowhere near ready and not really the best place for a baby (we could cope but I would feel very unstable).

Just found out I am roughly 4 weeks 6 days pregnant. I don’t know what to do - partner thinks keep it but I’m not sure I feel ready mentally and I’m anxious about my career situation and feel like I’ll end up stuck in my current job for longer if we decided to keep it.

Considering medical abortion but so scared about the horror stories - I actually don’t feel too attached atm as I know it is so early at this stage that it doesn’t rely on my body yet. Also worried that in 7 months time we TTC and it doesn’t work.

i have been pregnant twice now (once at 17 condom split and now- first time off the pill and got instantly pregnant). This makes me think I might be quite fertile but I’m worried I’m cursing myself in some way.

any advice appreciated :(

Hi. I can’t advise on the whether you should keep it or not. It’s so tough and never an easy decision to make. I am 39 and people told me it would take AGES to conceive, it didn’t, and I was not prepared for my reaction to a positive test. For me it was dread and a realisation I had not thought any of it through.

You will do what is right for you at the right time…have faith in that. I really wanted to comment in relation to your fears around the medical abortion experience. I had mind last week. Had read all manner of horror stories but am now convinced that the people with the negative experiences shout the loudest…and understandably so. I was just shy of 8 weeks. Followed the procedure to the letter. Few hours of intense cramps and then the pregnancy came away. I felt the most enormous sense of relief physically and mentally once it was done. Felt like I had autonomy over my life and body back in that instant. There was nothing obvious to see and I bled for few days afterwards and then spotted for a while after that.

Whatever you decide, things will work out, but if a medical abortion is the choice you make, I hope you can feel reassured it’s not a horror movie for every woman. Positive thoughts for you.

That makes me feel much better thank you. I really struggle with control and I just feel like this isn’t the time for me but then I can’t help but panic I’ll kick myself somewhere down the line. I’m trying not to make it a big thing in my head as sometimes I feel like the stigma attached to abortions makes you think in a different way.

I just know that by the end of this year I will be able to provide stability and I myself will be in a much better place mentally. Can’t help but be nervous though about making a mistake.

Bump

Hi OP, how are you doing?

I also recently found out I am pregnant, from the clear blue I am 4 weeks today and couldn’t be anymore upset about it if I tried. I am 32, happily married and we each have a teenage child which are both neurodivergent.
I have felt physically sick and pa picking since finding out and immediately phoned the clinic.
I have had two previous abortions one surgical and one medical when I was much younger, I don’t remember either being bad but I was young and naive and also didn’t suffer crippling health anxiety like now.

I have an ultrasound on Tuesday to determine exactly how far I am and then I have asked for my medical abortion to be done in the hospital. I am very anxious.

how have you got on? I have found reading some of these posts help but equally I’m an absolute mess irregardless. I also have awful pregnancy symptoms too so I’m not enjoying any of this.

I have been pregnant twice during two challenging times in my life - my second was conceived unexpectedly 9 months after my eldest and we were relocating to the UK from overseas. My third many years later when I was on a graduate income and my (now ex) husband was unemployed. Both times were scary and uncertain. I chose to go ahead. Life had it's natural pace and I've now got two teens and a school aged child and my career is progressing pretty well, a lot of it as a single mother.

Having said that, last night I had a MA. Fell pregnant unexpectedly and this didn't feel right, despite having a wonderful new partner. We have kids with special needs, mental health issues and the logistics of another child at both our ages just wouldnt work. I passed my pregnancy last night at 5w6d. The hardest bit was the build up to it passing - probably minutes before it passed. And once it did, the pain dropped. There's not been excessive bleeding. Not even 24 hours later and I feel like I'm on a bad period. I feel worn out and tired but the worst of it disappeared as quickly as it came. All in all from testing positive to passing it, the process has been incredibly straightforward and drama free.

I won't tell you what to do but two sides of a coin that might help you. Ultimately whatever you choose, it will be a valid choice for you.

Hey SWJ, how are things going? Just wanted to say that if you were planning to try for a baby later this year, and it happened a few months early, it's certainly surprising but there's a good chance you can make it work. It helps a lot that your husband is in favor of keeping, maybe he will be of more help around the house. I too got pregnant before I wanted to, but I had my daughter and have never once regretted bringing her into the world. I hope that through all the uncertainty, you'll be able to find a way through this situation to work out for the best. And yeah, renovations are no fun, hope you can get through all this mess dear.