Change of mind after positive test

[Shaz20]

Hi All
I really need some advice….
I have always been on the fence about having kids. I have chronic health issues and mental health struggles. After some tests and worries about my biological clock ticking I was told I had a very low egg count and basically too old to conceive. So I panicked and decided it was now or never to try. It took us one go and I was pregnant. I have never felt so low and afraid. I don’t have any good feelings just completely terrified and second guessing if this is the right thing for my health and lifestyle. I feel like my life will be taken away and not to mention the destruction it could cause my body. I am going round in circles and don’t have much time left to make a decision. I am very sick and struggling already. My question is could this just be cold feet? Or hormones going crazy? As I never had these thoughts before. I worry termination will haunt me for life and something I will regret
please help!!!

Hey OP. Pregnancy is a tough time for any woman whether you planned it or not. I’m currently 37+4 weeks pregnant with my first baby at 39. It wasn’t planned but I decided (not my partner) that I was keeping my baby as I might not get another chance due to my age. I also had an abortion 13 years ago which I have always regretted.
I’ve had a tough pregnancy as I have anxiety and it’s just got worse whilst pregnant, constant worrying that my baby is ok. But what I will say is, I’ve got through it because all I want is this baby. My life is about to change massively but I can’t see a life without my baby girl a part of it now. Maybe weigh up the pros and cons for yourself. No one else. There is support for your mental health there though, they do ask these questions at your first booking in appointment. Take care of yourself and good luck x

I think it’s really common to feel like this, more than we ever hear about. Especially when you’ve fallen the first month of trying - you’ll be in total shock. A termination isn’t a reset to how things were so just make sure you’ve thought about how that might impact you going forward - I really don’t think that abortion services highlight the potential mental health impact well enough. You need to consider it a permanent decision.

I’m not saying I’m not pro choice, I am and it absolutely might be what’s right for you but just be extremely cautious as to whether it’s your feelings from your heart speaking or your anxiety tricking you. If you’ve never had the thoughts before it sounds very like anxiety and the impact that the hormonal changes have on that is extreme, not to mention how horrendous pregnancy sickness will be making you feel. I understand the need to move quickly and make the cycle stop but try and slow down and take your time. Sometimes I find answering the ‘what if’s’ more helpful than pros and cons. What if… x, y or z happens? What’s the likelihood of what you’re fearing and that’s the scale of the impact from that. Both for keeping the pregnancy and stopping it. What do your doctors say about risks to your health etc?

it’s not an easy road to walk. Hoping you have some good support around you to help either way. On that note, if you can, talk to people in real life, sometimes we feel we shouldn’t and wish we had afterwards.

wishing you all the best OP

Thanks for your kind helpful messages. Unfortunately I don’t have the support or care where I live and doctors for the most part are useless with any chronic health issues. So it could potentially be a huge risk to my health but also it could be manageable, it’s hard to predict, it’s just a gamble. I have hyper mobility disorder so the strain on my joints will be the problem. I wonder if the guilt of termination will be less if my own health issues are at risk?

@Shaz20 how did you feel about the medical issues before ttc? Did you think it would be manageable at that point?

Please don’t think I’m interrogating you I’m just trying to make sure you’ve considered that. Sometimes when we’re in a panic our brain cuts off what we’ve logically thought out beforehand. I guess it also might be that you hadn’t thought about it until now which is also ok.

The guilt question is a hard one to answer. Everyone is different from that point of view. I think feeling guilty is really common

is your partner supportive?

It’s difficult to manage, I have to rest a lot, which means miss out on lots of life events and activities. Sleep for about 10-12 hours a day to function. Since being pregnant it has been hell and unmanageable. I guess I didn’t think it through properly, I don’t have friends with kids or know people who have been pregnant. After being told it wouldn’t get pregnant, I guess I just acted from a place of desperation and not realistic thoughts of how pregnancy and caring for a child would be like for me. Not having a support network close by or family and friends is also a factor. I do have those maternal feelings though and all the fluffy stuff you see on tv and social media… although I’m aware not reality. My partner is supportive and wants what is best for me

1st trimester is brutal! I don’t think it’s possible to know just how brutal without experiencing it. The fatigue is out of this world. I’m a HG sufferer so I know how bad the sickness can be too - please ask for medication if you haven’t already.

You know - some of its fluffy! Really hard work but rewarding. I’ve never known a love like it.

Your health is important too though. The woman’s health is important always

I’m so glad your partner is supportive and helpful. You need that so much just a now whatever way you go.

This must have been quite a shock. Give yourself some time and patience for it to sink in. If you're still first trimester the tiredness and sickness could be temporary. Perhaps you could go for a private scan and see how you feel when the image is on the screen?