Strong urge to get pregnant after abortion..

[rosiedaisygrass]

Hi all,

Just looking for some advise/to get this off my chest.

Had a medical abortion in January this year.

I decided within 5 mins of finding out that it wasn't the right time to keep the baby.

Reasons being, I'm not yet living with partner (but relationship pretty good although had only been w him for 12months at the time), not feeling ready, not quite financially ready (I own my own place but it's a 1 bedroom flat so would need to move soon ish after having baby)..

Did the MA, all went well, smooth process and I can say I absolutely have no regrets, it was such a shock it just felt like a no-brainer, so of course I had to end the pregnancy.

Fast forward to now, and since around April time I've been having LOADS of dreams about babies.. nice, nurturing dreams (not the scary OMG I've had a baby and I don't want one kind!), one dream that I was breastfeeding even..

It's as if a switch has kind of flipped in my head? And now, babies are all I can think about.. I'll look at him and think how he'd look holding one, or I'll imagine how it would feel to have a bump..

Myself and my partner both turned 30 since this happened, so we'd not be classed as hugely young parents, we have stable jobs, and love each other. We both definitely want kids in the future and it's like a switch has gone in my head that says 'Ok, why not now, then?'

I don't know if it's some kind of weird hormonal change since the abortion that's switched something in my head and made me want one now? I've probably had 10+ dreams about babies and pregnancy whereas I had none before!

I honestly can't tell if this shift is hormonal? Like once your body's been pregnant and 'lost' the pregnancy, you can start to want it back?

Or because I'm 30 now and I feel like my worst fear is leaving it 3-4+ more years and then having issues conceiving? (I know fertility doesn't decline that much, but it's still worth considering looking at timelines, we can't pretend fertility is the same at 36/7 as 29/30..) Or societal pressure?

I feel ashamed to feel like this as my partner is definitely not ready for a baby, and I haven't told anyone else as it feels so strange to be feeling like this?!

Has anyone had something similar!?

i think its a normal reaction and something they don't warn you about. partly youve got all those hormones floating around your body and the 'what ifs' its great you are sitting with your feelings whereas some people (myself included!) rush into another pregnancy. i would try and access some counselling- theres a few post termination counselling services to help you process the feelings so they dont become all encompassing/detrimental. and dont worry about your fertitility- youve got plenty of years. and get yourself where you want to be rather than rushing into things. i rushed into another pregnancy and wish i had taken the time to process everything and be ready. wishing you all the best

Thanks so much for the response. I wonder if it's something biological then, if it's a common thing?! Like a pregnancy turns on some kind of switch or hormonal urge to have another..

Also, I hope you don't mind me asking but when you say you got pregnant again too soon, did you choose to keep that one? Thanks :-)

Comforting to know it's not just me!

Got pregnant again within 3 months! i kept him (both pregnancies were with my husband and we already had a child! and my termination was due to prenatal anexity) it was a bit of fucked up year last year (to the outside world i am a highly funcitioning person with a very responsible job despite my actions last year)! And whilst i love my baby i do wish i had taken the time to properly grieve and process and work out whether i wanted another pregnancy or whether i just wish i hadnt got pregnant and had the termination! so that they were seperated processes rather than one big head mess! but you hear of women who have chilren removed into care and who get pregnant again and having been in that hormonal state i can now completely emphathise. so yes I think it is a hormonal reaction but sounds like you are being very sensible and taking your time rather than what I did!

Hi Saskia,
Thank you for sharing, that's really insightful and helpful e.g., wondering if I'd perhaps never had the accidental pregnancy and abortion whether I'd be considering it now or not. I wish there was more information or research out there on women's health/hormonal stuff after loss or abortion which could help us understand some of these feelings!

I can absolutely understand you getting pregnant within 3 months - I know from having a messed up/short then long cycle for the first few months that there's no doubt some odd things happening to our brains and bodies in the months that follow ending a pregnancy!

Bump

I know this is an old thread but wondering what you decided
@rosiedaisygrass

I feel like i could be you Saskia! I terminated a wanted (although slightly unexpected) pregnancy last month due to prenatal anxiety and im full of regret desperate to get pregnant again. My husband wants to wait for my head to be in a better place (he'd actually rather not have another child at all but has agreed to as I have been wanting one for years). What led me to have the abortion I can't even fathom. I don't think i was even really pro choice before this. I mean I was unwell and thought I was doing the right thing but god I wish I cld go bk and tell myself to just hold on and try to let the anxiety pass. I've self referred for therapy and waiting to hear back on that. Maybe in 6 months I'll be feeling better and able to cope with a pregnancy. Can I just ask how you were mentally during the pregnancy you had after you had the termination? How did you cope? @Saskia2023

Wish you both well ❤️

Hi!

I actually didn't get pregnant and I am glad I didn't! I think there is a weird hormonal cocktail shift going on after an abortion where once you're back to normal and recovered I think your body can almost want to be pregnant again to like, make up for the loss?!

I can't really describe it any better but basically the strong urge went away for me a little while ago. I almost considered doing something wild like stopping using contraception without telling my partner etc. Really out of character but our brains and hormones are powerful things.

Now looking back it was the right choice however I think if you were unsure about the original pregnancy/abortion I can see why the confusion is heightened when your hormones are almost screaming at you to get pregnant again.

My advice would be not to do anything in that knee-jerk reaction time span from 1-6months post abortion, because I honestly am glad I don't have a baby now. Maybe in a year or two!

I hope that is helpful with whatever you're going through? Feel free to Dm me x

Thanks for getting bk to me. I really appreciate it. Today's been tough as I seemingly spent the whole night dreaming I was pregnant/about babies. Then my daughter came out of school saying she's sad "she's the only one without a sibling". I just don't know why I took the pills when I was so unsure. I think I couldn't cope with the uncertainty of having the termination hanging over me so I thought taking the pills would put an end to that turmoil at least. I just want another chance. @rosiedaisygrass

Oh bless you - I can definitely relate to the dream thing! Our brains are funny and powerful things - dreams are maybe the brain's way of processing the ending of a pregnancy and getting rid of the emotional load of it as well as hormones coming back to normal. I think you will find as some more time passes and the dust settles you will feel clearer and less clouded by the emotions of it all, whether that leaves you wanting to try for another or whether you decide you don't want to. Hope things work out in whichever way you want, it's not an easy process but you'll find things do settle soon :-)