Unplanned pregnancy

[Leggy123]

Please be kind
I have found out I’m pregnant after being on the pill and using condoms.
I have four children already which are all happy and healthy and we jus never thought of ever having any more.
financially I’m not sure we could/ would cope
I worry the other children would suffer as a result of another baby.
i worry if anything goes wrong with the pregnancy/ baby.
five is an extremely large family and feel people will judge me.
BUT
we lost a baby in between our 2nd and 3rd children at 16 weeks and had to have a medical termination and because of this I cannot bring myself to ring up and speak to someone In Regards to a termination. I feel so sad and annoyed at myself that this has happened. But I really don’t know what to do
I really need some kind words and no judgement as I appreciate lots of people will think I’m awful for getting pregnant when it wasn’t planned but as far as I knew I had done everything to prevent a pregnancy.
my husband was booked in to have the snip so all things were in place to ensure we never had another baby.

has anyone been through this and can help me make sense of the overriding guilt I feel.

I am married and my husband is of the same feelings as myself but we just don’t know what to do.

thank you for reading

Hi, I'm in the same situation at the moment. We used condoms and never had an accident, but I'm now around 7 weeks pregnant. Have 2 kids already and in a less than ideal work situation, and in a small house. I was 99% convinced that I wanted a termination last week, and this week I'm maybe 95% sure that I want to keep it. It may ruin everything, money will be tight, kids will have to share a bedroom, my freedom will disappear for years again. But I'm overly emotional and letting my emotions overpower by rational thinking.

Also I'm from a family with 5 kids, and absolutely loved it. My siblings and I have spoken before about whether we'd have rather had more 'stuff' and more money growing up, or all our siblings, and we'd all choose our big family over any amount of money. Nice people won't judge you, and you can ignore them if they do. Obviously if you decide not to go ahead with it, that's exactly the right thing to do for you. Just wanted to show that it's not so bad having lots of kids, from the kids point of view.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I'm exactly the same I've min I'm 99% sure I'll face a termination then the next day I'm crying thinking I definitely can't terminate a baby.
X

It's such an impossible decision to make isn't it. If you're not completely sure, try to take some time to process it and think. It's really helped me to have even a week to think on it. You can get free counselling calls with BPAS as well if you think that'd help x

Ive spoken to the bpas counsellor and it didn't really help!
I found out 5 weeks ago I'm just so unsure hence I haven't done anything about it. X

It took me a while to reach my decision. It's one of the hardest positions in life to be in if you really aren't in a situation you feel is suitable or fair for a new baby. Have you made a list of the reasons you can't/don't want to continue with the pregnancy? And the reasons you would consider continuing with the pregnancy? It can be helpful to weigh both sides up x

I know I would never regret another baby.
I just think 5 children is such a lot and money wise it will be a stretch.
When i do a list there is always the same number of for and against answers!!

One thing that helped me was thinking longer term. Initially I was focused on the loss of money/ having to give up work and freedom while baby is young, but then I thought what life would be like in 2 years time, or 5 years, or 10 years. It helped me think a bit more clearly anyway x

What did you decide? If you don't mind me asking?

Not at all! I was 99% sure I wanted to terminate, mainly because of money but also I think I was in shock as it was unplanned. I've since decided to keep it as I while I'm not thrilled about losing my income, and really not looking forward to the toddler stage again (though I'm hoping it'll be easier this time with older children to help entertain this one!) I realised that we can make it work, my existing children will adore it, and I would actually be happy to have a third. Just hoping it all goes smoothly now x

Aah congratulations that's lovely :)
How old are your other two? I think the reason I'm so unsure is 5 is alot!! I found three and four a breeze !they just slotted in!
How many weeks are you now? X