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Pregnancy choices

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Medical abortion trauma 15 weeks

8 replies

Heartbrokenmumx · 06/06/2024 13:34

Hello, hoping someone is out there with some help or advice I’ve tried so many sites but never got a response. Just want somebody to talk to 😭

I had been unwell with stomach problems for a few weeks. Found out I had some issues going on. Anyways after countless dr/hospital trips one appointment the dr said my bloods had came back and seemed I was far along in pregnancy. GP had done numerous urine tests also for other health reasons and it never showed. To me was a total shock. I use the pill and never missed a day ever. I got scanned and I was 13 weeks. I didn’t want to go through with this pregnancy. My only child my son is 10. It was a big age gap, financially just getting by. Finally have some freedom in life and I have myself a little part time job. Also housing etc don’t have the space. All these reasons seemed so relevant at the time.

long story short. I had to have a medical abortion. I didn’t know what I was in for. They explained but I feel I was in so much shock I didn’t process it. First tablet, went home. 2 days later went to hospital for 8am. 4 tablets inserted in my vagina. Then came along the most traumatic horrendous thing I have ever experienced. The pain was so bad. I had morphine for the pain. It didn’t help at all. My partner was with me. Finally at 2pm waters broke and I felt my baby fall into the bucket 😭😭😭😭 I was vomiting. The nurse came and had to cut the cord. Then I delivered the placenta. After that it was over. It was yesterday and I’m home now. I cant live with myself for the choice I made. Those silly reasons which at the time felt valid, I now look and how dare I take an innocent life away for selfish reasons as an age gap or fincial worry. Everyone gets by regardless!!! I have been selfish. I’m broken inside and I will never be to forget. I woke up empty today . It all feels so real today. I made this choice out of scaredness. Why did I do it. I cant stop thinking what if. That poor baby at 15 weeks. I’m heartbroken. I feel like a murderer. I made my partner witness this traumatic situation also. I feel guilty for scarring him with this. The dr has given me several weeks off work, as before this I had health issues. I look at my son now and think what ever would you think if your mother you love if you knew what I had done. I wish I could go back in time with the mindset I have now. It would of been so differnt. I would of been going to a scan to see my little baby. I can’t sleep, can’t eat can’t even look at myself. I’m so ashamed. Rambling now anyways but just wanted to know does it really ever get better? Or for the rest of my life will I always wonder what if? I was so far on when I found out, I panicked and rushed into something. The nurses where amazing and chatted for hours after to me and my partner about stories and advice etc. but nothing helps. I wonder if it was a boy or a girl. I wish they could hear my thoughts and how sorry I am for what I chosen. I wish you could turn back time.

OP posts:
Heartbrokenmumx · 06/06/2024 20:29

Anyone? 😞

OP posts:
HelpMeDrRanj · 06/06/2024 20:59

Hi lovely, I don't have any advice I'm afraid as I'm still trying to decide what to do with my surprise pregnancy, but sending you huge hugs and I hope you start feeling better soon. You made the best decision you could at the time, and it's such an unbelievably hard choice to make. I'm here if you need to chat x

Blueberry101 · 07/06/2024 00:15

So sorry you had to go through this. I had a medical termination at 13 weeks (many years ago now) and I had no idea beforehand what I would have to go through. I'd somehow got the idea it would be a short procedure under anaesthetic, so was shocked by the actual process. It was my first pregnancy, and I remember it being more painful than the actual labour with my children years later. They gave me pethidine, which helped for a couple of hours, but when that wore off they said I couldn't have any more pain relief for another 4 hours.

The emotional side was the hardest thing to deal with, and like you I've wished endlessly that I could turn the clock back and not make that horrible decision. I've had counselling which helped to an extent - first with BPAS and then with a crisis pregnancy centre, and also went on a retreat at Rachel's Vineyard. These things have helped - just talking to others who have been through it and can understand is helpful so I think it's worth looking whether there is anything similar in your area.

Sadly, I don't think anything takes away the pain of regret, the best I've been able to do is to try and live with the sense of loss. It's not easy, I am sorry, wish I could say something more positive x

Heartbrokenmumx · 07/06/2024 01:02

Blueberry101 Thankyou for replying. I have no body to talk to about it 😞 I don’t want to mention these feelings to my partner, as he was more on the side of wanting to keep the baby, but supported me either way. I dared to say I regret it now as I’ve taken it away from him to. He also seems a little distant. We havnt spoken much. I just seem to be crying all day. Havnt changed out of the top I wore yesterday for it, or removed my hopsital band. Silly I know. It’s just the last thing I’m holding on to. I know I will have to move forward. I’m glad to hear you went on to have children In the future.

im not sure if it’s because my head is a mess, but I was thinking I wonder if it will ever happen again for me. Maybe I could be a mum of 2. Or maybe one day I will realise why I made this choice? who knows. I’m taking it easy, maybe hormones arnt helping with my endless crying episodes either. I just think of the baby so much. Thankyou for the counselling idea, I will look into this!

thankyou for replying also. I was so happy to see a reply on my post. Finally someone who understands my pain ❤️

OP posts:
Heartbrokenmumx · 07/06/2024 17:32

today isn’t any better 😭 I can’t stop breaking down with regret why I done this.

my partner hasn’t spoke to me much I’m trying to pull myself round for my son getting home this weekend for a trip with grandparents. We went for chips earlier and when we came home I could barely eat. It ended up a row. My partner called me a murdering c**t and he’s left with all his belongings. I have caused so much hurt and pain to myself and to him. I don’t know who or where to turn to anymore

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Saskia2023 · 08/06/2024 20:51

just to say Ive been where you were last year. it was the darkest period of my life- the emotional side is nothing what they warn you about. like you i could not even look at my existing child i felt so disgusted. i am very pro choice but as a society/the services sell us a lie that we can just walk out after as if it never happened and we just get on with life. some people do but others feel the grief you are talking about. like any grief it will not be forever this raw, it will always be part of you but it won't be like this forever. you have a lot of hormones coming out of you at present so that will be making things worse. Please please contact ARCH- they are a post termination support charity and can provide you will a helpline/counselling- they literally saved my life- 0345 603 8501 . the helpline is run by people who have been where you have. it doesn't feel like it now but sometime in the future you will laugh and smile again and this will seem like a distant nightmare. message if you need to. there are some of us on here who have been where you have been and weve all provided each other with support xx

Heartbrokenmumx · 09/06/2024 11:29

Thankyou so much. I keep picturing my life with a new baby. But also I try to keep remembering why I made this decision. The nurse in the hospital told me one day in the future a moment will happen, and I will realise why I made the choice I did. I am going to contact the number you gave me thankyou so very much for replying to me. I wish there was more information and advice given for the emotional side afterwards. I didn’t expect nothing like this. How do I message you? (New on this site) xxx

OP posts:
Saskia2023 · 09/06/2024 19:22

Ill pm you

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