Sorry in advance for the long post. I just found out today that I'm unexpectedly pregnant. I have no idea what to do so hopefully writing down my pros and cons will help, and please if anyone has any advice/experience please let me know how you've dealt with this.
I have a 9 and 7 year old and really don't miss the baby/toddler years. In this last year I've loved having more freedom and time to be 'me' again after 9/10 years of putting little ones first. It probably makes me sound awful but I had quite bad PND with my second as he just didn't sleep, and it definitely put me off the baby stage. I love babies but don't know if I could do it again. And seeing family members running around after toddlers has made me grateful to be out of that stage as well. We only have a 2 bed house and can't afford to move/ extend. My job has always been pretty badly paid but I'm finally in the running to get a better job, more money and some career progression. I feel like I'd be throwing all that away if I continued with this, and wouldn't be able to get back on track again.
The only thing making me hesitate is that I'm an emotional wreck at the best of times. My kids would love a baby. I'd love a baby. I may get depressed from terminating and regret it, or the 'what ifs' (I currently have 2 boys, the 'what if it was a girl' may haunt me when I see all my relatives with their daughters - even into adulthood). My husband will support whatever I decide. I know from previous discussions that he favours termination but would support me 100% either way and would come around if we kept it. It just seems such an ungrateful thing to terminate when it would be loved, but 'isn't convenient', but I can't think of many plus points to keeping it that outweigh the negatives.
I also don't know how far along I am as I'm a week late for my period, but also my last month's period was a bit unusual. I'm feeling heartburny already and exhausted and feel like I need to make a decision quickly before it feels real as I don't know if I could terminate once I feel pregnant, if that makes sense. I'm also due to go on holiday in 2 months (first one since the kids were born!) and feel like if I do terminate, I need to decide to do so as quickly as possible so I don't risk being ill abroad.
Please help. Any advice would be so so welcome as I can't think straight at the moment 🙏