I don’t want to keep this baby

[Strugglingterribly1]

29 weeks pregnant with 3rd.

I don’t want it.

I’ve no support. I’m struggling. It’s making me a substandard mum to my existing 2 and they don’t deserve it.

I’m too late for an abortion but presumably not to arrange adoption? Does anyone have any experience here or know anyone who has?

I’d be so grateful for any helpful advice, thanks so much.

Hi Midwife here, you can self refer to social services or your midwife can do it for you. It happens occasionally during pregnancy and some women change their mind after birth some do not. It’s all handled very sensitively . You can decide if you want to see the baby or not after birth. Big hugs xxx

Thank you 🙏🏻

I’ll contact them Monday to find out next steps.

Please talk to someone and see if there is any help for you so you can keep the baby if that is what you want. It's not clear whether you are considering adoption as a last resort when you've not had help to keep the baby.

Thank you, I really don’t want it. It’s long past me getting help, I’ve been asking for months. Adoption is only a consideration as I’m past the abortion deadline, but yes sadly it’s a last resort.

You can absolutely choose now to go for adoption. Sounds like you have really thought it through and come to this decision

Midwives will help you sort the paperwork and steps to go through

Sorry you are in this situation, but know that a couple somewhere will be over the moon with the gift you can give them

Much love to you and your family

@Strugglingterribly1 Are you on your own? Is the dad around at all? Sorry this is so hard for you ❤️

Have you got parents or friends that's can help? I struggled with my 3rd pregnancy as I had an abortion at 8 weeks but the 3rd pregnancy that followed and I kept I had doubts all the way throughout and didn't know. My partner was distracted elsewhere so didn't have the support. But things got better when baby was 6 weeks. How old are your other two? Could you be suffering from perinatal anxiety or perinatal depression or maybe both? Ask yourself these questions before taking any big steps. I've noticed most women struggle with the the third pregnancy..not sure why...but there's always anxiety about it...

Thanks everyone. Yes, undoubtedly I’m not well. I’ve been saying for months but I feel like my words aren’t coming out load. I’m perceived as ‘strong’ and someone who will just cope.

it’s gone way fast rectification now. I’m seeing the impact that the way I’m feeling is having on my existing two (3 and 6) and I’m not prepared to let that progress to an unhealthy home for them.

My partner says he’s proud of me and I’m doing ‘so well’.

I’ll speak to social services Monday and hopefully get the next steps in place.

Please think very very carefully...this seems like a very permanent solution to what maybe a temporary problem/difficulty. I'm surprised so many posters are encouraging this to be honest. You said you have no support but you do have a partner...what's he like? Does he want to keep the baby?

He wants it. He says lots of nice things about he’s here for me and I’m not alone, I’m doing so well, he’s proud of me.

Sadly for me, his words don’t do the household jobs, take care of the children, do either of my employed jobs or grow a baby, amid the relentless sickness and pain.

I had thought (because I was told as much) the support would be real and tangible but I was wrong. He does put the bins out in fairness. But as we all know, these things aren’t temporary. I won’t get home from the hospital to a magical fairy godmother waiting on the doorstep, ready to spring into action. It’ll be on me.

I’ll need to see what his rights will be in the adoption process.

Im not going to tell you what to do, but I'm not sure it will be all that simple (emotionally I mean) to give up your baby...and how would you explain it to your existing children. I really don't think this is an easy thing to do at all.

You're right of course. It’s definitely a lose lose situation for me. But this isn’t about me, it’s about the children. My existing children are/will suffer. This baby won’t get what it needs. This is the only way all three will get their needs met.

I need to plan this prior to its arrival so that we don’t develop a significant attachment.

Hi OP, how are you doing? I hope you're feeling ok and you've had some support to help you through your decision making x