Unexpectedly Pregnant - what to do!

[Mum2211]

Not sure what I’m after posting this here. Maybe just some similar experiences.. reassurance… any advice.
I’ve just found out I’m unexpectedly pregnant at 37. (Very early doors 4 weeks if you count from day of last period) Married with 2 children DS 11 and DD 7. In shock and very overwhelmed as to what to do to be honest. This wasn’t in the plans to have a 3rd. We’d talked about it over the years and ummed and ahhhed but ultimately decided we were happy with 2 as life was starting to become ours again now the kids were older.
But now this. It’s a total shock and my reaction doing those 2 tests this morning was that I’m gutted.
Not to sound ungrateful but not sure I have the energy, patience etc. to go through it all again it would feel like having a first as it’s been so long since those baby years. Plus pregnancies both times have not been kind to me at all so the thought of that hardcore slog again is terrifying. Plus we have lots of plans this year, holidays etc.
Has this kind of thing happened to anyone else. An unexpected 3rd later on and it all worked out for the best or did anyone make the decision not to go through with it and not regret it? I know it’s ultimately mine/our decision but just want to hear some other’s experience while it’s all spinning around in my head. Thanks.

Also just to add my Husband is 41 so we will be ‘older’ parents of a young one as they grow up and I guess I would be classed as a ‘geriatric’ pregnancy and assume that brings more risks and health concerns..?

Hey hun. Not in the same boat as such but I’m pregnant with my first baby at 39, she is due a month before I turn 40. I am indeed classed as geriatric and I’ve had so many issues but that’s not due to my age, it’s just happened that way. The good thing about being over 35, you get a lot more check ups, scans and appointments than you would under 35. No one can decide on what you want, only you. But good luck on whatever you decide x

@AimeeLou84 thank you for sharing. That is a good point.
All the best with your pregnancy 🥰

Please don't worry about your age you're not 'old' and neither is your husband. I know a lot of couples with similar ages when they're having children and they've all been fine. Geriatric is just a dated term they use.

It happened to my friend and somehow things just settled in. A baby is not the end of the world. You'll adjust and manage. The anxiety at the start is a normal part of early pregnancy. If it gets too overwhelming please get medicine from a doctor as it can cloud your judgement. Don't base your decision on your overwhelm. I did and regretted it and got pregnant again from the guilt 3 months later. Have a beautiful baby but still think about what could have been. Abortion guilt is real. Think about things. If baby wasn't here tomorrow how would you feel? Could you risk trying again and being sure you could get pregnant?

My mum had a pregnancy at your age same with your kids age gap (so my sister is roughly 10 years younger). She was the child that glued our family together and made our family more of a family.

@heartbroken22 Thanks so much for commenting. You make such good points.
I do think I should allow a little bit of time for the shock to wear off before trying to make any kind of decisions. Lots to consider and discuss together once it’s sunk in.
Thank you 😊

Was in a similar situation 2 weeks ago but with 3 children and unexpected 4th pregnancy we spoke about it all and decided termination was best for us, passed the pregnancy this morning and have instantly regretted my decision all day☹️

@flymo2014 I’m sorry you’re feeling like that. Sending a big hug to you. From a little research, I understand guilt and sadness are normal after going through it even with it being the right choice for someone.
It just feels like such an impossible decision to make. I feel well aware of the stresses and strains having a new baby brings which I had decided wasn’t right for me/us as a family again. But now it’s been sprung upon us, I feel so confused and conflicted and honestly do not know what I want. As the days go on, my head is more scrambled ☹️

Sorry to hear you feel like that I must say with it being a new day I’m feeling more positive and just keep reminding myself why we chose
to terminate in the first place, they do offer counselling before and after which may be a big help to deciding what’s best for you x

I had a termination 2 weeks ago, and I don't regret it. I'm younger but my children are nearly 11 and 13, I just could not go back to the baby stage. I'm just starting like you to get my life back. To not have the tantrums, the crying and whining or a small child. No pushchairs or changing bag's.

I took two week's to really think about it, at first I was on board with the idea, but then when I broke it down the reality of it just wasn't what I wanted. Make sure you take time to think about what you want, don't worry about your age.z

Hi, I just wanted to comment as I have been in this situation the last few weeks. I have 2 children already (one only 10 months) and was so confused and upset to find out I was pregnant.
I would just say make sure you take the time to decide what is right for you. I took 2 weeks and some days felt I would never get to an answer (like you say so scrambled) but over time came to the decision we could not handle another baby at this time. I was so sad doing the termination this weekend I cried so many tears but now I have done it although there is a sadness I know I made the right decision for our family.
I read so many comments on here about having regret forever which scared me so much but honestly if in your heart you know it is the right decision for your family there is a sadness but not regret.
You will make the right decision for you and your family if you stay calm and really run through both scenarios. Sending positive thoughts to you.

@Notsoflirtythirty @Jessie456 thank you both for that. It’s reassuring to hear that you haven’t regretted the decision to terminate. I think we are accepting this would be the right decision for us but like
you both say, I need to give myself the time to be sure. X

Hi, im 36, mum of two (6 and 4) and I have just had a termination this weekend at 8 weeks gestation. I waited 10 days to make up my mind. When I found out, I was numb. I wasnt happy but I also wasnt sad. We had a condom that had split and then the morning after pill didnt work. I talked it through with my partner lots. I had many tears and sleepless nights. I reached out to my sister who is the only other person who knows. She was very supportive of my decision either way. But I didn't realise she had also had an abortion 20 years ago when she was 18. She said it was difficult and she still thinks about it every now and then. I tried my best to take the emotion out of the situation. I found it helped to not imagine a baby inside but more cells forming. I found making the decision the most distressing part but once I made the decision, I just focused on that and followed it through. I'm a very indecisive person in general and often prefer others to make decisions for me, so this was very difficult. My partner was very miserable about the idea of a 3rd baby. I think I was just shocked and confusion and tried to come to terms with it because I felt like it was my fault and my problem to have to get on with and accept but deep down I didn't want to accept it. I don't regret it, but I have sadness about it.

@A0m0y thank you for your post. This is exactly me, I am such an indecisive person about the small stuff let alone a big decision like this, it feels impossible to know for sure either way.
We’ve spoken for days about what keeping the pregnancy looks like and what going through with a termination might be like as I’ve never had one or been in this situation.
I haven’t told anyone else at all cause I know most of my friends/family would probably be supportive either way, but the noise of their opinions and advice I don’t think would help me.
One min I think I know what we should do, and then it changes. I think maybe it’s a head vs heart thing.
I have my telephone appointment with BPAS this morning so hoping maybe that brings some clarity or even a little helpful advice.