Pregnant and haven’t told my ex

[Confused161200]

I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago, I’ve been so unsure on what to do. I originally thought I was going with the change, then found out I was pregnant, have since then been told I could quiet possibly still be going through the change after discussing my period change and side effects and how long I’ve been off contraception and haven’t fallen pregnant. So this may be my last chance to have a baby, which has made my decision 10x more hard as my child has always wanted another sibling.

so this is where I’m stuck, my ex is emotionally abusive. Stalks my social media, moans at what I wear, uses horrible and disgusting words in arguments,belittles most things I do. Blames almost everything on me, says it’s my fault he reacts the way he does. is very insecure. He would monitor my social media etc. Then after he calms down says he panics and goes destructive so uses those words because he thinks I’ll leave him. But this time I have.

he has been dependent on alcohol and drugs in the past.

I know on paper and even typing this everything is a red flag, but I’m asking for help.

I think I want to keep my baby and do this alone, I would never stop him having a relationship with the child, and would let him have his rights to see the baby, but I would do this via a court order.

if I wasn’t the age I was and this wasn’t something I’d wanted for so long I would terminate, I have counselling and a talk for my options on Monday, but I’m wondering if anyone has been through something similar and kept there baby, and what’s happened after?

But isn't he an ex? Who care what he thinks and you said it yourself you wouldn't stop him being a dad. He's not your partner anymore so you shouldn't care how he feels about what you wear etc and don't let him abuse you like that.

Forgive me but it sounds like you feel guilt about something you want I.e having the baby. You don't have to have a termination and can keep the baby regardless of your ex agreeing or not. It's not his choice it's yours.

Stick up for yourself and think about what you want. Love yourself and be kind to yourself. I understand you've been through abuse. I'm just here to tell you it's okay to want something for yourself.

Having a termination sounds so easy but once it's happened the grief that follows isn't fantastic. I suggest getting therapy before if you chose to have it. It's not easy and it needs to be spoken about.

I had one at 8 weeks and it was horrible. Got pregnant again 3 months later from the guilt. Wanted to do it again because of the sickness but I couldn't do it again. Currently rocking my beautiful baby to sleep and thinking about the one that could have been. I hope you're okay and be kind to yourself x

My only worries is how he’ll be when I tell him and he still bombards me with calls and messages apologising asking for me back, I’m very strong willed and I know that his behaviour isn’t right and he is a narcissist and I know leaving him was the right thing to do. He blames everything on something else, it’s never his fault. My worry is if I keep the baby what willl he be like for the next 18 years

Theres steps that could be taken to try and manage things like blocking on social media, injunctions, contact via a contact centre etc. please dont let the fears stop you having the baby if this is what you want. think how much more you would feel about your ex if you got rid of something you wanted because of his behaviour. yes its not ideal but you sound like you will love and support your child and try and manage your ex. think about what you want and as someone who had a termination then regretted it as i didnt listen to my gut if there is part of you who wants to continue the pregnancy listen to that as afterwards all the potential problems seem nothing in comparison x

I think in my mind I know I want this, when should I tell him? That’s my concern I want to wait until I’m over the 12/13 weeks part, I wish I just could keep it to myself but I know that’s not possible.

Do you really have to tell him now? When I terminated and got pregnant again I didn't tell anyone and told a few family members. I didn't want any stress or extra trouble. People ask a thousand questions. But sometimes it's nice. However if he's emotionally abusive I'd leave it for a while. How is he now? Do you have contact because you share a child?

I’m not planning on telling him anytime soon, only my parents and 2 close friends know, he still bombards me with messages all the usual I’m sorry il change crap, I haven’t replied to any, no luckily he isn’t my older childs father.