Not sure what to do

[GLB31]

Hi all

I want to say up front that I realise that I am incredibly lucky to be able to get pregnant easily and really wish I wasn't feeling the way I was.

I am 31 and have been married for nearly 2 years. About a month ago, my husband and I decided to start trying to get pregnant. I was naive and don't think I thought it would happen immediately as I have friends who have had fertility struggles and always assumed it was something that I may have to deal with too.

However, I am now 4 weeks 5 days pregnant. I found out a week a have not slept since. I have felt more anxiety than I ever have before and feel utterly depressed. I didn't think I would feel like this but am scared as the reality of it all is dawning on me. I feel like I massively have rushed into something that I don't feel ready for. I am only 6 months into a new job which I worked very hard to get and just feel like this isn't the right time.

I know I want a baby and a family in my life and I know it would bring a lot of joy to both of our families but am just not sure if it is the right time.

I have discussed my concerns with my husband and he is very sad - he says its my decision but doesn't know how he would feel if I didn't go ahead with this and doesn't know if he would want to try again.

Any advice would be so appreciated as I just don't know what to do.

Thanks all

Try and get some help from your GP. Perinatal depression and anxiety are very real! I was struck by them in December and sadly was left with little option but to terminate as I became suicidal and I have existing children to think of. However the aftermath of having had a termination (despite medically required for me) affects everyone different. Personally I’ve struggled with it massively

I was very let down by both my GP and peri natal and there’s a good chance that even if they had helped me the outcome would still have been the same as the risks were so high. However I think that it would have helped me process it in the aftermath if I knew they’d done everything they should have and could have. I wasn’t in my rational mind and if they could even have helped me identify which thoughts weren’t really my own it would have felt useful.
Hope you’re ok. Take it easy on yourself. It’s a huge life change and a huge decision.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and for sharing your story. I am very sorry to hear that you went through this and I hope you are ok. I will contact my GP to see what is available, its very hard to know what is my actual feeling on the situation and what might be hormonal or perhaps an element of perinatal depression. All I know is that I can't go on feeling like this as the anxiety is very tiring and I need to come to a decision.

Hey, I was in a very similar situation.
Decided to try for a baby, been together nearly 9 years although not married, but engaged. I am 30.
Fell pregnant quickly and felt an absolute sense of dread and horror as it became a reality.
I was one month into my new job!

I won’t lie, the first trimester, mentally, was very hard. But I just knew that if I terminated like every part of me was telling me I needed to do, I would look back on it and be really pissed off for want of a better phrase that my anxiety had driven me to make that decision.
I considered it way into the second trimester too.

I worked really hard on my anxiety and have seen perinatal mental health and spoken loads of friends and family and whilst I’m still terrified and anxious about the change that’s to come, I’m in a much better place. Am now 31 weeks.

I felt that it wasn’t the right time too but I know I would never be 100% sure it’s the right time, delaying it just made me feel better as I wouldn’t have to accept the reality of it right at that time.

I do have a really long history of anxiety, panic, etc so I did have a lot of insight into how my brain works and I knew I would struggle leaving my comfort zone! I would say don’t make any quick decisions as anxiety and panic really does wreak havoc on your mind. There are also some really helpful threads on here of people in with similar thoughts and feelings - helpful to read but don’t go down a Google hole as that was the worst thing I did, the best thing I did was staying off social media and forums etc for some time.

Hope you’re okay, feel free to message me if you want to talk

Thank you so much for your response, it means a lot.

I am very glad to hear that you are feeling in a much better place now but of course sorry to hear that you also experienced this kind of anxiety - this kinf of dread is really horrible isn't it!

I might PM you if that's ok x

Hi
I really do feel for you. It’s perfectly natural to feel the way you do. But, and it’s a big but. When is the right time? There’s always things to make it “not the right time”.
I felt like this when I fell pregnant unexpectedly - I already had 3 children and youngest was only 1 year. I decided I couldn’t go through with it and terminated the pregnancy. Probably the right decision and it wasn’t taken lightly. However, it gave me much grief and even now 50 odd years later I still grieve - to an extent.
You have a loving husband and you’ll have been in your “new” job over a year by the time you go on maternity leave. Sometimes it’s a question of not overthinking things. But only you know what’s right for you and your husband.
Sending you love and big hugs