Termination due to HG

[babysoupdragon2]

I terminated a much wanted third pregnancy two weeks ago due to hyperemesis.

I had suffered in my previous two pregnancies, ended up with daily IVs and steroids. That was 5 years ago. I genuinely thought I was strong enough to do it again but I wasn't.

In my logical head I did the right thing. I am now back and able to be mum to my girls, I'm able to work.

However I hurt so much. I wanted that child, that was our child. That child did nothing to deserve this.

I tried a counselling session through my abortion provider but it was awful, she didn't get it at all. I don't know how to come to terms with this. I'm just wondering if anyone else has been in this position? I don't anyone realise the hell that hyperemesis is, unless you've experienced it.

@babysoupdragon2 Hi, so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I also recently terminated a much wanted and planned pregnancy for a 3rd DC. I partially didn’t realise how much I’d been traumatised from an earlier HG pregnancy - it’s brutal. I actually reacted incredibly badly to the hormonal change and out of the blue ended up with really severe peri natal depression this time and was badly suicidal so there was very little choice. We had to save my kid’s Mum first and foremost. The HG was only just starting but I don’t know how I’d have got by at all if that had managed to get into full swing. I was completely traumatised with flashbacks to that and everything that had gone wrong with the births of my 2 DC.

Unfortunately I don’t have much advice. This was just January and I’m very much in the weeds of it. I just can’t believe it’s happened. What I can say is that you’re not alone and you were brave to look after yourself and your existing family (much as I struggle to tell myself this so i know how hard this is to take in) HG is a really awful thing, especially managing it with 2 kids around. I really think 3rd pregnancies are a whole different ball game, there’s so much more risk in my opinion.

I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling.

Just because it with the right decision for you given the circumstances doesn’t mean it won’t hurt or you can’t grieve. This isn’t the outcome that you wanted, and it’s ok to feel the way you’re feeling.

I am sorry that the counselling service didn’t help, is private counselling an option for you at all?

Be kind to yourself OP x

Thank you both so much for replying.

I'm so sorry you're in a similar place. The pregnancy hormones affected me a lot this time round- as soon as the hg began I experienced awful depression, although not suicidal. I wonder how much of that was responsible for the decision. I can't recognise the person I was in that week before I terminated.

I think there is a lot in that I'm not allowing myself to grieve because I consciously made this decision and put myself in this situation. I work with neonates- and have told work that I have had a miscarriage. They've been incredibly sympathetic and I've been in office duties the last 2 weeks, which I feel is completely undeserved but I can't tell colleagues the truth.

I looked in to counselling offered by pregnancy sickness support charity, it's a lot of money but I think I will pursue this as the lady I spoke to before had never heard of hg. I want a magic wand.

I completely recognise what you say by not recognising the person that you were in that week. I feel this was me too - it was like I was possessed.

I’ve also struggled to grieve as I feel like I chose it (although we were both in a position where there truely was no other choice)

Your job sounds incredibly difficult at the moment. I’m glad they’ve been supportive of you. I understand not wanting to tell people, it feels shameful doesn’t it, even though it really isn’t. Then there’s a vicious cycle where the not telling makes it feel even more shameful

The counselling I was offered afterwards was diabolical. That sounds like a good idea getting more specialised therapy.

I’d love a magic wand that could turn back time and have none of it have happened. Life was pretty good before this - on bad days I regret even trying for a 3rd. It’s like my whole life imploded.

@Poster57 "I completely recognise what you say by not recognising the person that you were in that week. I feel this was me too - it was like I was possessed."

I'm struggling to get past my anger with DH at this. Not once did he try and talk me through a plan to keep it, or suggest I wasn't thinking rationally because of the sickness and the hormones. We came very close to termination with DD2 at a similar gestation but he couldn't have done more that time to support us through it. This time it felt completely on my shoulders and he wasn't up for the struggle. That's unfair, I know but it's how I feel.

Have you got any further with grieving? With previous miscarriages we have had we have planted a tree in the garden but I can't bring myself to do it this time round. This wasn't natures decision.

I am so sorry you are struggling so much too. Pregnancy sickness support are opening their counselling list beginning of April- I spoke to someone on their helpline and she was so lovely and said their counsellors all have a deep understanding of HG and termination.

This was me. I was so traumatised I realised I was carrying trauma from my past 2 pregnancies and dealt with peri natal anxiety that I freaked out. I too was extremely angry at my husband and family for not stopping me. I wish I could have changed things.

I got pregnant 3 months later but prepared with things to help the hg. It was bad and had similar thoughts but was my own best friend and held on. I took b6 and b12 to help the hg and it did but it was there. Although I now have a beautiful baby girl. I miss the pregnant I terminated. Time lessens the grief and I pray God will help me grow that baby in heaven.

I hope you're okay. Forgive yourself. Hg is a hell of it's own. I felt suicidal. Couldn't eat not look after myself or my kids. But it had to be done. I might now have lived. I just needed more support. That's why I aim to help anyone that's been in my situation.

@heartbroken22 i also feel angry at the peri natal mental health team. I was referred as it was known how bad I was but they struggled to fit me in and when an appointment they tried to make for me clashed with a consultation at women’s health they just referred me back to my GP I knew it was peri natal depression and anxiety but I didn’t know some of the things I was feeling & thinking were because of that if that makes sense. I thought some of it was rational thought. wasn’t in my right mind at all.

It’s funny how new pregnancies can release trauma that you didn’t know you held on to.

Like you I might not have lived without the termination so I have to view it as the right decision at the time and life saving medical treatment. I’d tell anyone in the same position that mother comes first… but I do wonder what things might have been like with some more support.

The aftermath is certainly not something I was prepared for.

How are you finding life as a family of 5? I think it’s wonderful that your pregnancy has healed you. I’m not sure whether I have too many things to be anxious about now to ever go there again but I’m honestly not sure whether or not I’ll heal without.

Can I ask, how did you prepare with B6 and B12? Did you speak with your GP before you became your pregnancy?

Hi Heartbroken, thanks for sharing your experience. I have just terminated an unexpected pregnancy but wanted pregnancy, due to HG. It was hell.
Can I ask how you prepared for your next pregnancy? Did you go through your GP? Did you find the severity of HG worsened with each pregnancy?
From the research I have read, it sounds likely to come back but vary in severity each time. I am interested in trying again in time and taking B6 and B12. Thanks for any response x

Hi I'll write more later but yes I researched it on the net first then spoke to my doctor to see if it was safe to take and took b6 and b12. I also used to chew a lot of the mentos blue bottle chewing gum think it was peppermint when I used to wake up and drop my daughter off to school. Little little things helped.

I refused to take any medication and didn't mention it to my doctor as the last doctor I spoke to recommended ginger biscuits and gave me anti sickness. I was like a drug addict on them tablets. I remember when they finished I panicked and took the abortion pill that day. I would 8 hours to take them and with hg it would be after 5-6 hours I needed them desperately. The injections nor the tablets worked for me. I felt the hg vomiting would be better out then in...once it was out there was relief.

I have stumbled across the thread and wanted to say I too terminated a pregnancy due to HG in 2016. Every day I wonder what if and regret my decision . I have a 15 and a 12 year old now & I wonder what their sibling would be.

I'm now 8+4 and suffering horrendously. I know this hasn't been commented on in a while but I just need to get my feelings out. I want to be able to get to 15 weeks without making the same decision . I thought I was mentally strong enough but GPs are not listening to me. I've seen women on here have been prescribed prednisolone but even with me crying on they phone they will only give me the usual anti emetics of which I've now tried 5.

I don't know how I could live with myself if I terminated again. I so desperately longed for this baby but I cannot cope.

I understand completely how you all feel

@Gingernut1989 didn’t want to read and run. I’m sure so many on here have read your post with empathy but just haven’t quite got round to responding yet. HG is brutal. There’s no 2 ways about it. However please know that although these boards are quiet you’ll have the support of many here who’ll believe in you. You’ll have been through it with your other 2 and you can make it through again. When you’re in it it feels like forever but when you look back at it; it’s a tiny point in time. The impact on your mental state of feeling like that 24/7 shouldn’t be discounted either. Your brain will be telling you to run but your brain is like an over logical computer at times and doesn’t see the full story. It just sees the HG threat in isolation and tries to fix it. You can’t stop your brain telling you to run but you need to be able to acknowledge it and tell it ‘thanks but I’ve actually got this, it’s not forever, there’s a bigger picture at play’

Have you presented at your maternity unit at all when you’re at your worst? Might have more chance of being taken seriously. If you need to keep getting drips to get you through then keep showing up. Be a pest. It’s not right that we have to fight for the right treatments but oh so often we do.

You've got this.

@poster57 thank you. It was quite refreshing to stumble upon this thread with other people sharing the same feelings regarding termination due to HG.

I'm trying everyday counting down the weeks. Aiming for Monday first when I will be 9 weeks.

I was told by the GP to call MAU would that help ? I'd love to be hooked up to a drip from my own bed for the next 5 weeks 🤣🤣 but being waited on in hospital and not feeling sick would be amazing.

That’s a great idea taking it one step at a time. All those small steps add up. Getting through to Monday first is a great place to start. You’ll be able to be proud of yourself that you managed and it will hopefully help you with the next target.

MAU can definitely help. I’m also pregnant again - I’m 28 weeks now and I’ve been extremely fortunate not to suffer so badly with HG this time (I’ve felt very rough but not to the levels I’ve experienced in the past) with my pregnancy with my daughter I went to MAU several times. They tested urine and got me hooked up to fluids and also anti sickness meds each time. They can also suggest stronger meds if they think it’s necessary on the to forward. It made a huge difference when at my worst. I took several trips like that. Would be delightful if they would just send it all home with you mind you 😂

@poster57 yes imagine if they could send you home with it all . I don't know if I'd get so lucky as this is my 5th pregnancy and I seem to have suffered with every one . I'd love to think next time it wouldn't be as bad (I secretly do want 2 close together i just can't do the early pregnancy part!)

Massive congratulations on your pregnancy xx

@Gingernut1989 funnily enough this is also my 5th pregnancy and I also have 2 kids. Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t free of symptoms by far but compared the the utter horrors that I experienced sickness wise last time it just wasn’t near that level. I’d also say that the first trimester now seems so long ago, it’s so hard to see when you’re in it how much it will seem such a small period of time. Now I’m at the other end of - ‘goodness I’ve a lot to organise in not so many weeks’ 😂

Thank you ☺️ You know we’re here when you’re needing encouragement and support to get you through this. I’ve found these forums very helpful. That’s you through another day 🥳

How is everybody doing. I was the same...counting down each week and then saying only more week to 10 then 12 then 16 and 20 and before you knew it time passed!!

Minty gum really helped stop the nausea.
I'd just keep telling myself don't fear it just focus on vomiting and getting it out because once I puked it all felt better...no more of that dizzy shaky nervous feeling....

Hi girls I'm almost 13 weeks and it hasn't really let up yet. But I have had some days where it's been less. I have a scan on Friday which is giving me something to look forward to. I'm assuming the deleted posts were something negative so I'm glad I haven't seen them.

I've been the same just counting down each week "x amount of days until 12 weeks" etc. It does feel unfair that some of us suffer so badly and others don't. I've been emotional a few times but crying makes me feel more sick haha

Hey @Gingernut1989 - wow you’re doing amazing. I know how much strength it’s taken to get to this point. I’m glad you’re getting the occasional day where it isn’t quite so awful. A scan is a lovely thing to look forward to, I think sometimes seeing them on the screen makes all the difference. Also I think just being emotional a few times is some achievement - I’m a cry every day when I feel like that kind of person 😂

The deleted posts were just some guy who I think went through just about every thread on Pregnancy Choices posting links to pro life groups - a bit tone deaf…

@poster57 oh I see one of those types. Ever helpful. I do hope if anyone stumbles across this thread struggling with HG they can see it gets better. I spend most days at some point saying "help me" and my fella not knowing quite what I want him to do to help 🤣. But I can tell that it's easing & I am so so proud of myself for getting this far.

@Gingernut1989 i know exactly what you mean. Back when i had the termination I googled, I looked for answers everywhere like I’m sure we all did but all I found was the rhetoric of how termination is right, is easy, solves the problem etc & we all know it doesn’t (I’m not discounting that termination for maternal health is valid and can be absolutely necessary) people need to see there’s another side to it though, there’s light at the end of the tunnel and that there’s peer support out there from women who have been through really tough pregnancies. I hope when I respond to threads that others in similar situations can find them and benefit from our experiences.

I agree. You absolutely should be proud of yourself and should hold on to what you’ve achieved. Is mothers are tough!

I am here with my 3 month old baby boy if anyone comes across this through a search. I got through it. I was considering a 4th child and googled hyperemesis then found this thread I had previously commented on. The lying in bed saying "help me" I had actually forgotten about so that was a flashback reminding me I actually could not care for a baby in that state. It did not actually let up until 20 weeks this time. I also ended up with pre-eclampsia and was in hospital for 6 weeks away from my other 2 children then induced at 36 weeks . My son was in the NICU and then transitional care so it wasnt plain sailing. But STILL with dangerous pre-eclampsia stuck in hospital unable to leave the ward , I still would listen to the women admitted for HG throwing up and think "i am so incredibly glad that part is over" . The HG was still hands down the worst part of pregnancy for me.
But I have a beautiful baby boy and there is light at the end of the tunnel for anyone going through it. For anyone considering or having gone through a termination for the same reasons - it gets easier. I will always wonder what might have been with the pregnancy from 2016 but it was the right decision at the time.