Please help. Feeling so scared

[P234567]

Hi, first time post here and seeking help. Am six weeks pregnant. Married for almost 3 years, 32, very much wanted a baby, actually delayed having one because I spent first couple of years of my marriage delaying with horrible parental illness and death.

My husband and I felt very sad that we hadn't yet had a baby, our lives are still messy but we decided to start trying in December. I have very irregular periods so was told it would likely take longer.

However have gotten pregnant after only one cycle. Initially was happy but this has now subsided into extreme panic and anxiety over my career and home situation. I have a history of severe mental health issues including anxiety, depression and panic. We are currently living with a parent while we try to sell our flat which has incredibly noisy upstairs neighbours so there is an added uncertainty around where we will live if/when baby arrives.

Also, I have a job which I really love but only started 6 mo ago. Though I will qualify for the generous parental leave, feel so scared about being judged and having to tell my colleagues what has happened.

My anxiety and panic are now so severe that I am not sleeping and seriously considering termination. I know partner and family would be devastated and they keep telling me it will get better. I am seeing a therapist and referred to perinatal MH team. Would really appreciate any advice at this point. Basically everyone is telling me to hang in there and I'll stop feeling like this, and that I'd regret termination - but feels hard to believe them.

Thank you

Hey hun. Firstly congratulations. I’m currently 22+3 weeks pregnant and 39 years old, this Is my first baby that I’ll be honest, never thought I’d have. I have been with my partner about 12 years but we argue more often than not. I have really bad anxiety and panic that has got 10000 times worse since being pregnant. The reason being is because I so want this baby and I’m scared of losing her or something going wrong. What I can say is that now I’ve reached 20+ weeks, my anxiety has dropped a lot. Ive now had the scans which determine baby is growing ok etc and I’m now trying to enjoy the pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, my anxiety hasn’t gone but it’s made easier knowing I have a baby growing inside of me that will depend on me. Personally it’s up to you and how you feel at the end of the day, not what your partner or parents etc feel. But I think by the sounds of it you have a lot of support and you’ll be fine. Good luck with whatever decision you make, you’re not alone in how you feel x

Sorry as for the work situation, by the time baby comes you’ll have been there over a year and you don’t have to tell them yet. You can’t lose your job for being pregnant and I think you’ll have more support and well wishes than you think x

Thanks so much for your reply. I hope all goes well for you. What is making me doubt whether I should go ahead is I can't feel any attachment to the embryo/fetus. I keep hoping I'll miscarry and then it will be out of my hands. Sorry that is awful to say. Of course I am scared I won't be able to get pregnant again but I also feel terrified that going ahead with the pregnancy this time will destroy my mental health and it feels like such a bad time. I've booked a consultation about a termination and will see how I feel after that. Really sorry if this upsets anyone to read.

I had a termination 12 years ago because I wasn’t ready to be a Mum and I know I couldn’t have given my baby the life they deserved. If you terminate it won’t effect your chances of conceiving when you are ready. It’s entirely your decision and no one should judge you on it. You have to do what’s right for you. What I will say is from my experience, don’t be hasty in making a decision whatever one it is, you’ve got time to think about what’s best, for you and you only x

It’s tough as you were trying - so it could be the actual fear of reality and a mix of hormones. I had PND with both of my pregnancies and really struggled to bond with what was growing inside me, but over time and with support from a counsellor (referred by my midwife) I was able to talk things through. I was so numb with my second pregnancy and considered termination quite late in. Now that I’m out of the negative space (I still have some anxiety but it’s more towards post birth stuff as opposed to not wanting to be pregnant again).

I have had a termination in the past but it was something I really wanted to do. The circumstances and guy wasn’t right. It took a while to heal emotionally but now I know I made the right decision.

Being at your parents may not be the worst thing. Of course they need to be happy with it. I have a few friends that stayed with parents for a year or so after baby was born. I was living at home with my first for almost 5 years. You can make it work if it’s what you want.

Defonirly think this through and get some councelling. Abortion services offer good councelling too.

I’m currently 12 + 4 weeks pregnant. I also deal with anxiety and depression on and off and already have a toddler. Planned this pregnancy happened first try and like you was initially happy then the sickness kicked in and the anxiety / depression from around 5 1/2 weeks (and peaked at 8-9 weeks)! I also kept hoping I wound miscarry, thought about termination daily and even had the consultation and termination pills sent to my house. Was a really really dark time I had never felt so low and really thought I had made the biggest mistake getting pregnant. Now I feel so much better, calmer, positive and for the first time actually feel a little excited about being pregnant and I’m so so glad I didn’t terminate. The hormone surge during the 1st trimester is crazy and really can mess with mental health so what your dealing with right now probably is prenatal anxiety and once your hormones settle a little once the placenta takes over at the end of first trimester you’ll feel a lot more clear headed. Prenatal anxiety and depression really put a black could over your thinking and feeling so all you’ll be thinking is the worst currently and only seeing the negatives. Have you registered with a midwife yet? You can let them know how you’re feeling and they can refer you to the prenatal mental health team or you can contact your GP and asked to be referred. But please don’t make a permanent decision based on temporary emotions. It gets easier once hormones settle I promise and there is help and support available.