Partner wants me to abort

[Louiselouxo]

I could really do with some positive stories from women in a similar situation :(

im currently five weeks pregnant and my partner of five years wants me to abort.

bit of background. Together five years, we have three kids. One each from a previous and one together ( he also raises mine as his own as his dad isn’t around) he’s an amazing dad, a loving loyal partner and genuinely a good person. When we met he always said he would have another and I was so desperate for one more because I’d had a previous stillbirth that I begged him for years. This put him off having one massively. I guess I made a fun suggestion seem so stressful, but anyway in the end we had our daughter. So three kids 13,10 and 2! We’re in a good place and I’ve since longed for one more so I always made it clear if an accident happens I wouldn’t abort and he made it clear he doesn’t want anymore so no accidents would happen. I left it there and just focused on our family and we really are so happy. Last week I missed my period we are both shocked, either a slight tear in a condom that we haven’t noticed or pre cum because we’ve had a few careless moments! I felt happy, didn’t think I’d ever do it all again and he’s gutted. He wants me to abort he doesn’t care how I feel, the more I say I don’t think I can the meaner he’s getting. Saying it’s nothing just a tablet, I’m being rediculus and I’m ruining our family etc I can’t help but act on emotion and want to keep it! Everytime we discuss it we fall out. A moment ago I tried to fight my corner and explain why I want to keep and how we can make do with our house, car etc but he just gets mad and says he will never come round to the idea and that if I keep he’s packing his bags and leaving. (He is the type to run away for space when things go wrong) he said that he feels I’ve manipulated him into this and he can’t say to me to keep it he will stick by me because it means giving into me and me getting what I want as usual. If we were rich he would be more accepting but we are not . Just so confirm he’s a good guy and a great dad but he’s terrible at communicating and his first thing is to always run and hide!!! I’m now so torn, I want to keep this baby but I’m so scared to loose our family. One moment o think he will come round and the next I don’t. I can’t help but feel he’s being manipulative by saying he will leave if I don’t abort? I’m scared to say fine incase he does leave but I also can’t pick that phone up and book an abortion bevause I still have hope he will come around. I’m thinking of dragging this out a couple weeks to let the dust settle and see if he will really leave or if this is just his scare tactic because it has been in the past when we fall out. And Hopefuly when he talks to people he will realise this really isn’t so bad! I’m truely gutted, I’ve lost babies. 22 weeks and 38 weeks so for me I guess I just don’t want to get rid.

has anyone been in simular and there partners came around in the end? If so any advice you can give me? I’ve tried to sell it to him but I don’t know what else to say :(

Hello
You poor thing to be on this situation. I appreciate your OH doesn't want another baby but it is not 'just a tablet'. I say this from experience. I have regretted my termination for the past 10 years. It was physically painful and emotionally heartbreaking. I appreciate you also might not want to hear this, but I also unfortunately saw the foetus and its been etched into my brain since. The guilt I feel has never gone away, neither has the feeling of 'missing' a child. I am pretty much pro choice, I will always say its a woman's body and her choice but I do think it's important to know that for lots of women this isn't just a tablet, it's not an easy fix and it can be life changing. I think you should speak to a counsellor or someone who can help you go through what this will mean for your future, in terms of having the baby or the termination.

Thankyou for your reply! I have tried to explain this to him as I have friends who’ve had abortions and they all found it traumatic! It’s something I really don’t want to do. But am I being selfish trying to get him on board? :( I’m so upset at it all and just wish he was more understanding

Hi Louise,

im sorry you’re in this position!
i was in a similar situation to you 6 months ago. Although I hadn’t lost babies I struggled with infertility so had never gotten pregnant naturally. My partner and I had the same conversations you had, and I fell pregnant naturally, massive shock.

My partner was pretty much the same as yours to a tee, we’ve been together 17 years.

I told him the same as you I couldn’t have a termination and felt it would affect my mental health in ways that would affect the family more than if we just had another baby despite financial constraints. He too insinuated he would leave if I didn’t have one.

I continued the pregnancy and booked for my 12 week scan, I had had a missed miscarriage. He was really supportive for about a week or 2 and then went back to acting like it had never happened. I was a complete mess, I am still struggling with it now.

So I’m sorry, not a positive story as such but it made me realise I had seen his true colours and that I wouldn’t have handled a termination very well.

my advice would be go with your gut, it was an accident, neither of you planned this. if he can’t come around to this then you are probably better off without him. I know that’s easier said then done but if he can’t understand why you feel the way you do then he won’t be able to support you through a termination that by the sounds of it you do not want.

Please do what if right for you, don’t make this decision for anyone else.

I’m so sorry you went through this! How awful for you :( are you at peace with it all now? We’ve had the same conversations today wich he threatened to leave again. I’ve said for him to do so as I’d rather have the love of a child for the rest of my life than be with a man who can walk out on me and his children so easily. He’s still here just very quiet so I’m still going to plod along and wait it all out. Never expected this situation and I’m truely gutted he isn’t on board

Sorry I can’t help but I’m going through this exact situation now
im around 11 weeks pregnant, tried to snort twice already and couldn’t. Partner threatening to leave. All such a mess. Hope you’re ok :(

Abort not snort!