One and done mum- unplanned pregnancy

[NavyPeer]

When pregnant I have an oddly specific pregnancy symptom, hot flushes. Unfortunately I have miscarried 4 times so I know this happens. Yesterday afternoon I had one, so I tested. I have lots left over from TTC.

Positive, a bold line. I’m on the pill and use it generally well, but I was poorly about a month ago and we didn’t use condoms once I was better. Perfect use would have had us abstaining or using a barrier method for a week but we didn’t.

First reaction was- gutted and deflated. I don’t want any more kids. I know people say ‘never say never’, and I know I might change my mind- but I definitely don’t want to wrestle two car seats or not be able to play at soft play properly because I’ve got a newborn strapped to me. My body looks great, I‘ve got my fitness back. We’ve booked some adult holidays with my toddler staying with my mum.

but the idea of an abortion makes me so sad. I get pregnant easily but miscarry easily too.

I feel so much pressure to continue with the pregnancy. Everyone has been pestering me about having a second. I feel like I have to. I don’t want to.

But at the same time i look at my best friend who is very close with her sister, as in- absolute soulmates, and I’m wondering if this baby could be that for my daughter. My DD would be 2.5 if this pregnancy is successful.

I wouldn’t base your decision on a future sibling relationship that might not happen - there are plenty of people who either don’t get on with or are indifferent to their siblings.

I think abortion is not to be taken lightly for sure and being pregnant unexpectedly is definitely a reason to re-evaluate your previous stance on the size of your family, but you’ve said you don’t want another child and that definitely comes through in your post. Don’t make the decision based on what others want you to do. If you don’t want to have another child then abortion seems the way forward. How does your partner feel?

I haven’t told my husband yet. Still biding my time.

All of the miscarriages were so draining. He was a model partner but it was just such bad energy- if that makes sense. I’m just so wary of bringing him into the fold if I start bleeding next week. Then I can just forget it ever happened.

I’m worried he’ll want me to continue the pregnancy too, and that will be another thing. He would never coerce or force me. But I know he will be incredibly
open, and then I’ll wonder if he wants more kids :(

sorry that’s so garbled. Not thinking straight at all.

It sounds like you’re clear about what you want to do but feel conflicted about having an abortion- and I totally get that. It sounds like your life is on track and having another child right now would feel like a step backwards. I know lots of people who don’t get on with/feel indifferent to their siblings so that shouldn’t be a driving force. It’s okay to trust your instincts and make decisions that are right for you and your existing family x

Agree with trusting your instincts as long as there are no other factors, like prenatal anxiety etc at play. I would definitely urge you to discuss with your partner before making any decisions though, not so he can change your mind or influence you but because I think few people don’t need support during and after an abortion.

I’ve an an abortion and I’ve had miscarriages and mentally the abortion was infinitely harder, both during and for a long time after. I recognise many women feel very differently to me though, and our circumstances are completely different.