Termination of planned baby

[helloonetwothree]

Hi everyone, I have no idea where to post this. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone in real like about it so I’m coming here. I’ve had to NC. I’m so sorry if this offends anyone 😔

Currently 11 weeks with a planned and much-wanted third baby, however, I’m starting to question whether we’ve made the right decision. Our current children are absolutely taking it out of me currently. So many fights and arguments and rudeness and bloody bickering, sooo much screaming and crying, I just can’t fathom bringing another into this. It’s felt constant. I can’t stand listening to another minute of the madness. They’re only 2 and 4, but were never like this until I got that positive test. I literally would watch them play and thought, how bloody lovely would another sibling be.

I’ve also been plagued with pregnancy allergies and it is torture not being able to breathe through my nose. I can’t help but spiral into an anxious panic of how much of a shit growing environment I’ve given this baby; stress, worry, allergies. I’ve also been hit by this wave of no motivation and just sluggishness, the minute I got my positive test. In December I had so many personal goals and ideas, I was loving life, but these hormones have just made me want to stay in bed all day 😞

We’ve also just discovered mould in our (rented) flat. We’ve been here for 4 years and it’s usually been manageable (inbetween ventilation, putting the heating on, having two dehumidifier’s on for every minute we’re home and awake, hoovering, etc) it’s a massive bloody process to just keep the place inhabitable, however, the place is on its last legs and I discovered fresh mould stains coming through our wallpaper that was hung 4 years ago, meaning our huge cycle of things to do when we’re home clearly isn’t enough to keep up. The whole place needs doing up structurally, new windows, everything… ANYWAYS…

We will obviously have to move out at the end of our lease now, which is in September (my due date) and we’d be looking at having to spend up to an extra £400 per month for anywhere decent 🙁 (as our rent stayed the same since we’ve moved in). We could stretch to this, if I was at work. How could we do that if I have a newborn?

💔

Thabk you for reading this far. My head is all over the place. I can’t see any other way than to terminate, because if we don’t I feel like I’m being unfair to all parties? i’m heartbroken. I dont feel like I can talk to anyone about this (aside from my parents) because I just feel so embarrassed and ashamed. I just need someone to talk to so if anyone’s been in a similar position, please do reach out 😞

I don't think they're fighting because of you and your pregnancy test result. It's just normal for kids at that age. A third helps them balance it out. They'll soon learn to play together. Give it time.

Do you have anxiety by any chance? Normal to feel like this at the start when your hormones are all over the place. Speak to a doctor and maybe they could give u some anti anxiety medicines to calm you down. I had an abortion with my 3rd and I had so much anxiety about my health beforehand. I got pregnant again after a few months and have a beautiful baby girl. Here's me sat regretting my abortion and wish I could turn back time.

Could you find a better place? Speak to your council too if they could find you anywhere? In terms of the extra 400...could u cut corners anywhere? Cut out some
stuff. Honestly little little things help.

Don't feel embarrassed keep reaching out

@heartbroken22 Do you still regret the abortion, or deep down are you ok that you did it, knowing it gave you your daughter?

Also can I ask what you worried about regarding your health?

I tend to overthink, absolutely! I know it helps no one and just steals joy from today, I just can’t help but think “what if” in every scenario 🙁 and you’re right, my kids definitely aren’t bickering because of my pregnancy, they’re just being toddlers/pre-schoolers. Figuring out the world with their under-developed brains and being typical siblings. The days just seem really long and tough when you have that constantly for a few days, even with both adults 🥲

Can I ask, did you fall pregnant months after your abortion, purposefully? Because you regretted it? X

I can only give you my experience if it helps.

We had three DC, the youngest severely disabled. We conceived an unplanned pregnancy when our previous 3DC were all under 8 years old.

My DH was over the moon initially but I was filled with horror. The thought of coping with a newborn and my very disabled 3rd DC (24hr permanent care) led to what was a heartbreaking decision to terminate. It was absolutely the right decision for us. I would not have coped but by god do I have so so many moments I think about that baby. I'll still never forget the nurses telling me they'd found the heartbeat before I went for the procedure. It utterly broke my heart. I hope that helps and sorry if it doesn't, just wanted to be honest x

Thank you so much for sharing your experience @Learlyjam, and I am so so sorry you had to go through that heartbreaking decision 😣 it sounds like it was a really tough one to make but I hope you’re all doing well as a 3 ❤️

Was your third born with their disability or did it occur later on? A good friend of mine experienced a birth injury that affected both her and her child, meaning her child now requires life-long care. Something I too worry about. I just wonder if I can truly divide myself 3 ways that adequate for everyone 🙁 I’m feeling stretched already, how can I make a third feel safe and loved?

My NHS scan is in over a week. I find myself dipping between decisions almost every hour. I truly don’t know what is best 😔

Can you end your lease earlier and move out on the basis that the flat is no longer fit for human habitation? The council can act for you for free so get in touch with them.

This would mean that your move wouldn't clash with your due date and you wouldn't be chaing your own tail with trying to control the mould. You shouldn't need the level of mould control that you are having to use.

@helloonetwothree I do regret it but then bounce back that I wouldn't have had my daughter now. I deeply regret the choice I had to make. I don't think I would have done it if I didn't have the pills at home .

I was worried because I had hg. Felt so sick and unable to do anything. For next preganncy I made sure I did research and prepared well. Took b6 and b12 which helped loads. Peppermint chewing gum...chewed Everytime I had nausea and it helped.

I had retained tissue and the lady said to me make sure ur on birth control now...I was so unhappy and depressed told my partner not to use anything (condoms) and just let nature take its course. If it happened it happened. But I did actively try in the month I got pregnant and the previous month (tried every other day in my days of ovulation). I think having the abortion made me realsie I did want that third child even if I was sick.

Just wanted to pop back and update… we decided not to go ahead with the termination. The clouds have lifted, so to speak, and whilst I’m still terrified of parenting 3 children I know we made the right decision not to end the pregnancy. I have also found out that we’re expecting a girl, after 2 boys 💖 which is crazy to me! Might make sense why my hormones have been absolutely off the handle and I’ve been feeling ways that I’ve never experienced in previous pregnancy’s. I think she was telling me to hang on and see it through. I’m so excited to meet her 🥺

thank you everyone for your really kind advice and words, it was so appreciated. I was truly feeling incredibly low xx

@helloonetwothree I'm so happy for you. Congrats. I wish this had been me ♥️

@Learlyjam I'm so sorry. My hg was what led me to end my pregnancy and I remember seeing the scan with the heart beat too then terminating a week later. I pray to god we meet our babies in heaven ♥️ x

That's such lovely news @helloonetwothree, wishing you well in your pregnancy ❤️ please, if you remember, let us know when she arrives, we'd love to see a photo! Xx

And thank you @heartbroken22 .i hope the same for you xxxx