Unplanned pregnancy with 3rd child, unsure what to do

[OneLemonBiscuit]

Hi there, I am 29 and recently found out I am pregnant, my husband and I already have 2 children, DD will be 5 in April and DS is 16 months and would be 2 years old by the time this baby is due.

I am really torn, I honestly don't know whether to continue with this pregnancy or not. My husband and I have a good relationship and we both work full time, we are by no means rich and things have been tight at times but overall we are doing fairly well. We have a 3 bedroom house which we only bought 2 years ago so moving isn't an option for the time being. I know my DD would love another sibling but I can't help but worry that another child may change their quality of life. I also worry about making the wrong decision and it having a negative effect on our marriage.

I can see that my husband is torn too, we love our children with all our hearts and when I think about a termination it makes me cry as it is not as though I don't want this baby it's more the timing. Our mortgage payments are due to increase and I worry about being on maternity leave and my husband supporting us for the most part single handedly during that time. With DS he was fantastic at making sure all the bills were paid while i wasnt working, but I could see the toll it took on him even though he never complained. I ended up cutting my maternity leave short to ease the burden on him and it feels like now things have settled down, I'm pregnant again!

I know we would love this child, we still have nearlly all of the baby stuff we would need and he is a fantastic father and if money was no option I wouldn't even be considering my options, so i find myself questioning whether finances alone is a good enough reason for a termination? I worry that I will regret it and that will be something i have to live for the rest of my life. I feel deep down my husband thinks we should terminate as he has said he thinks we cant afford another baby right now but seems scared to say it as it's honestly something we have never considered before and its hard to talk about without getting emotional. I also can't help but feel selfish as I know there are couples who would love to be welcoming another child and can't and here I am considering terminating.

Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate anyone sharing a similar experience or any advice on how to make sure I'm making the right decision I'm only about 5 weeks and want to take time to consider my options properly.

Hi, sorry no one has replied yet but just wanted to send some support.

We found ourselves in the same situation with a 3rd pregnancy and had to make the same choice you do - whether to go ahead or not & it was so difficult.

I found gut instinct helped, what was your first feeling when you saw a positive test? Also it's really old fashioned but I literally wrote a list of reasons to keep & reasons not to - one was considerably longer than the other & really helped see it more clearly & also helped when I wobbled on our decision at any point, a reminder of why we'd made that choice.
But most importantly my advice would be to give yourself time, you're still early so have the option to take time to make a decision, over time you'll hopefully settle on how you really feel. It's such a personal choice that it's really hard to give advice but try not to be swayed by anyone with strong views, you need to decide for yourself. I had counselling prior to making the decision, it really helped to talk to someone impartial but who really got it.

Here if I can help in any way

I had an abortion with 3rd and regretted it instantly. Got pregnant again 3 months later due to the guilt and have a lovely baby but I always think about baby I aborted. My poor child.

With money. Don't base it off money. Everything falls into place. You just adjust. Everybody wears the clothes a bit longer. You eat leftovers. You batch cook. So many other things to save money.

We live in a 2 bed with 3 children. It's fine. We have good days, bad days and extremely amazing days.

Obviously it's your choice but please get the counselling they suggest before u do it. I wish I did it.

@Jsh125 Thank you so much for sharing your experience it really helps.

That's the thing initially I was very shocked but after a little while I was happy to have another baby on the way. This week has been a rollercoaster of emotions but like you, I wrote a list and father pros of keeping this baby way outweighed the cons so I just knew there was no way I could go through with an abortion.

I spoke with my husband about his concerns and made sure I had a solution for all of them and he honestly seems excited now too. I am so relieved but now I can get excited about this baby I am still abut nervous of course but I feel like we are making the right decision. Thank you so much for your advice

@heartbroken22 thank you so much for sharing your experience and being so open with me I really appreciate the honesty. It's great to know it all works out for the best

I really felt like I would feel exactly as you did if I went through with an abortion I just couldn't justify doing it for the financial concerns my husband had. We have spoken about it and where I work from home taking a short maternity leave should not be an issue at all and now his concerns are addressed my husband seems excited for the arrival of our third it is such a relief.

I know its going to be a huge adjustment but I'm looking forward to the arrival of this new baby,

Thank you so much for replying

Hi @OneLemonBiscuit this is such a lovely update to read. I'm so pleased you've been able to reach a decision that you're both happy with & can get excited about baby number 3 😊. Glad to have helped in some way & wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy

Tha k you @Jsh125 😊 x