I don't know if I want my baby

[hellohellohell]

So I'm 9 weeks with unexpected baby no3. Complete surprise, contraceptive failure. A few years ago we did try for a third but miscarried early. After we decided not to try again because it seemed like too much heartache if it didn't work out when we already had two healthy kids.

Immediate thought on finding out was "oh fuck". Thought we were past this phase. Kids are 8 and 6. But gradually thought maybe it could work. I'm swinging wildly between wtf have we done and excitement.

The thing that is freaking me out is that I never had a second of doubt with the others. I was instantly excited. So this feels very... wrong. What if I don't bond? What if I regret it?! What if it ruins all our lives?

It's maybe not helped by the fact I feel so shite with nausea, work is full on etc.

I don't know what I'm asking tbh. I don't know if I could go through with an abortion anyway. I guess has anyone else gone ahead with a pregnancy they weren't 100% sure about? Or am I terrible to do so?

Hi
i know exactly how you feel. I had a totally unexpected pregnancy (contraception failure) 52 years ago. I was beside myself, didn’t know how I’d cope. I had a 4 year old and a 5 month old. Anyway, I just couldn’t go through with an abortion. Anyway, it wasn’t easy but my 3rd child has turned out to be the best mistake of my whole life.
My son has been the one who’s always there for me. When his dad died, when my mum died - Anytime I need him he’s there for me.
Im sure everything will work out for you. Mind you I did have very much guilt to get over for not wanting this pregnancy.
Sending you much love and encouragement with whatever you and DH decide is best for you and your family.

Hi@hellohellohell I'm in exact same position as you. Except this baby was planned but the fears and anxiety I have are severe. I'm so confused. How r u now? Did you make a decision either way?

Hi Nell, I am feeling exactly the same as you. Currently 5 weeks pregnant with our second child and even though it was planned, I’m terrified and thinking I’ve made a mistake :(

Hi the doubt that comes is from perinatal anxiety and the hormones rushing in. Once you settle into mid preganancy around 20 weeks ish or even 18 it passes and gets better. Just hold on and have a strong support system that you can talk to. Join groups of your due date it may help but hold on. I had this panic and fear with 3rd child, terminated and regretted it so badly. I'd do anything to change time as all I needed was a handhold with my hyperemesis and toddler . I got pregnant again with my little princess had the same thoughts but once I progressed into the mid stages it got better. If only life was easy and you could just press your belly button to get an instant baby. But it's the growing and remembering all your past experiences that cause us anxiety.

Thank you so much for the reassurance! 😘

Hey OP, how are you doing? I hope you managed to come to the decision that felt right for you x