2 abortions

[vanillaspice235]

Hello

I've had 2 abortions. 1 when I was 17 and the other last year when I was 25.

The experiences medically were very similar (both surgical) but emotionally and the decision making behind each was very, totally different.

My first I regretted for years and the second I made after careful thought and consideration. Both hurt me emotionally but I felt confident in my decision the second time around. Obviously I was very sad and regretful to be in a position to have to terminate not only one but two pregnancies but grateful for abortion access.

However, nearly 9 months on from the second, I've started to feel so scared that my second termination will be the last ever experience I have of pregnancy. I'm 27 this year. I know that's still young but I had my first baby young and I feel old now. I'm scared I will never have another baby mainly because I don't deserve one. I know a lot of people have had 2+ abortions and I don't judge anybody but I judge myself. I'm not even in a place to have another baby right now but would like to consider it in a couple of years time. But how dare I even think of this after having 2 terminations.

I guess I'm asking does anyone else feel like this? I haven't told anyone I feel this way so it feels good to write it down.

Thank you to anyone who has read. Best wishes to everyone going through these difficult decisions 💐

Hi Vanilla! I am also 27 this year & had an abortion a year ago and it was definitely emotionally painful, I still feel a bit guilty about it to this day. I know I want kids in the future it just wasn’t the right time. I’ve tried to spend the last 6 months preparing for my future and working heavily on what played a part in my decision to terminate, this has helped a lot, especially with reminding myself that logically I made the right call. Just working towards being the best version of myself (whatever that looks like!). I don’t know your situation but given you don’t currently feel ready, maybe this could help you too. I hope the undeserving feeling fades for you! ❤️

Hi @yexxl5, thank you for your response to my post.

I'm sorry to hear that you feel guilt over your decision as well. It's such a difficult feeling to shift and set yourself free from. I think you're brave and strong for making a decision that was sensible and right for you at that time. Well done for making moves towards your future and it's great you gained that incentive after going through a difficult time. I'm proud of you.

I'm definitely going to try and do the same. I've not long moved into a house and although my partner and I have done a lot of improvements, there are still many to be made and I try and keep my focus on that as well as the children I already have. It might come as a shock to know I feel the way I do about my latest termination when I already have 4 children. My youngest was 2 months old when I fell pregnant again. I knew it wasn't fair to have another baby so soon for so many reasons. It hurts to know that I might never be in a position to have another and I don't want to seem greedy because I already have a big, beautiful family that I am tremendously grateful for. I hope with time, you continue to feel better and better. Take care of yourself x