Had surgical abortion at 13 weeks. Feel terrible

[bubbles1994]

Hi everyone, today I went for a surgical abortion and I thought I would be 12 weeks because at my pre-assessment I was told I was 11w and that was literally just over a week ago, so I must have miscalculated because I've read my discharge notes and it says bang on 13+0 gestation. I know its not a massive difference but I stupidly had a Google of pregnancy at 13 weeks and can see that the foetus looks like a human baby and can suck their thumb. It's made me feel terribly guilty and I feel like an absolute murderer. I was dead set on getting an abortion as I already have a 2 year old and I am a single mother who struggles in all areas, this year was supposed to be me getting back to work and getting my driving test passed and trying to make a better life for my kid. I have very little support with my child as it is so I still think this was the right choice (the father of the second didnt want anything to do with it) i didnt want to have another child with someone who was going to be around also. I guess I'm looking for a little reassurance of some kind, I can't shake the guilt.. I've not been sleeping and still haven't slept since the procedure this morning. Any advice or reassurance would be appreciated. Thank you

Hi there
It sounds such a tough decision for you. I would suggest that as at 12 or13 weeks a foetus is non viable that there is no real difference in the ages. You are within the law and I'm sure it wasn't easy wishing you peace

Look, a week either way makes no real difference.
You made a choice that was best for the actual living child that you have, to give them the best of you. Focus on what your child gains with you being focused on them, healthy, coping with life.

I understand your pain but you did what you needed to do and a week makes no real difference.

You made a really difficult decision based on the information you had at the time and for very valid reasons. Please stop being so hard on yourself, but do take the time to grieve.

I totally get why you feel as you do and that's only natural. But it sounds like you made the right decision for you and your existing child. And obviously that takes priority. This was a potential child not the real living child that you need to think about the future of. It's really sad of course it is but you know you made the right choice to give the best possible future to the child you do have. It sounds like you would have really struggled if you'd kept this fetus. Let yourself mourn because it is a loss and it is grief.. but please don't ever feel guilty because you did was right for you and your child and that's all anyone can ever do. ❤️

Thank you for all your responses, I didn't expect any this quickly.. I feel much more reassured already. really appreciated and love to you all and anyone who has had to do the same xx

Youve made a brave and thoughtful decision for the family you have. That’s a strong woman. Let yourself heal and be kind to yourself xx

Sending you love.

Take care of yourself ❤️

I hope you're able to get some rest soon OP. I think you made a brave and wise choice and I'm sending you a hug.

It was a tough decision but you know it was the right one. It's bound to take a bit of time to deal with, no one has a termination lightly even when she knows it's totally the right decision. Remember, it wasn't a baby, it was an embryo and you should feel no guilt because you did what you needed to do to give you and your actual child the best life you can.

Take care and be kind to yourself ❤

You did the right thing OP
Focus on you and your child
hope you have a good night sleep 💕

You took the right decision for you-might not seem that way when you bring emotions into it (understandably so) however after sometime when the dust settles you will be assured that you took the right decision for you.
Be kind to yourself

You were a good Mum and put your 2 year old first knowing you couldn't have coped alone with another child. You need to let the guilt go and hug your 2 year old close to you.

It's normal to be sad and guilty, I was. Those feelings don't make you any less of a person. It's a hard decision to make. Whenever I see baby clothes or other baby things, I think of what could have been. Just remember to be kind to yourself. Take the time to process your grief and stay close to those that are supportive of you. As time passes you'll be fine. I was down about it but then the reasons why I did it became apparent and I felt relieved it happened. It was for the best. I know it's something I'll always think about and I've had to accept that in order to be able to move on with my life. It's ok. You will be ok.

You did the right thing and you know you did the right thing. It's not unusual to feel sad and conflicted about it though. Just keep repeating to yourself that you made the right decision for you and your 2 year old.