Unexpected pregnancy at 40

[Blueyorkie23]

I don’t really know what I’m hoping to achieve posting here, I guess I just need to talk to someone!
Last week i found out I am pregnant. VERY unexpected! We only had sex once last month and used protection! I turn 40 in a few weeks.
I am happily married and have 2 children aged 9 and 11.
5 or so years ago I was desperate for another baby. We decided together it was not practical and finances just wouldn’t stretch. I was so upset I almost grieved that decision but eventually accepted it. Got rid of all the baby stuff I had held on to and moved on and just started to be excited about the kids getting older. Now we are here.
My husband and I have realised we can’t continue with the pregnancy. So many reasons but mainly that we just can’t afford it. When I had the boys the company I worked for paid really good mat pay, my company now does not. I have done the sums. It just doesn’t add up. I don’t see how we could pay all the bills and live. I know everyone says you make it work and perhaps we could but that would mean depriving my boys and that’s not fair. I literally just cleared the debt I have accumulated over the years since having the babies and that was when I did have decent May pat. There are other reasons, which we could overcome/get over - age, age gap, space, time etc also the boys are just starting to become more independent and we were just feeling a bit more freed up from the restrictions of
young children.
we have no family local. We had to raise the boys with no help, and it was hard. Now life is so busy I don’t know how we’d manage.
I spoke to NUPAS and had a consultation and they are sending in the post. I know this is the right decision for us but I am struggling so much. I can’t sleep, I can’t stop crying and doubting myself. I feel like a monster. I love being pregnant, I even love giving birth. I would love to have another baby so much. I’m so angry at the universe that I have to make this decision. Will
i ever get over this?

Speaking from experience it’s a really hard journey to recover from an abortion that you’re not sure about or feel like you have to rather than want to have. I felt all or most of the things you’re describing - I’m over a year out from aborting what would have been my third child and I’ve finally started seeing a therapist to try and move on.

I don’t know if NUPAS offer any free counselling sessions but I’d take them up and think/ talk it through until you’re sure, because it’s easy to minimise those things that feel like such big barriers at the moment.

You’re certainly not a monster though. It sounds like you’re just trying to do your best for your family. I’m sorry you’re in this position, it’s horrible.

Hi I’m so sorry you're in this position, I have been in a similar situation recently. My partner wanted me to have termination for all the reasons you’ve mentioned, I understood logically where he was coming from but in my heart I just knew I wouldn’t deal with a termination. He even said he might leave me if I chose to continue the pregnancy l. I did continue the pregnancy and unfortunately at the 12 week scan they told us there was no heartbeat.

my advice would be follow your gut instinct, whatever that is. We can tell ourselves what we think will be best, but deep down you know if you could cope better or worse in each scenario. It might seem selfish in someways but it’s your body, your choice

I hope you make the right decision for you, whatever you chose to do x

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I went ahead with a termination on Thursday. Was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and never imagined something I could do. I do not regret the decision as I know the strain it would have put on us would have been immense, however I am still struggling. A baby was not not wanted, far from it, I would have loved to have been able to do it but I had to put my family first and consider how it would have effected us all. Today is the first day I dont feel quite as numb. The physical process of it and the aftermath emotionally is nothing to underplay though. I send huge love to anyone who is going through it x