Im 17 week pregnant and i dont think i can carry on this pregnancy. My mental health is in bits.
to start it was planned i was with my partner of 6.5 and would be our second we already have a 5 year old daughter. I thought it was something we both wanted he was even the one to tell me to get my coil out. We lost a multiple before falling pregnant this time and i thought everything was ok, two days after finding out he left us. One minute he was telling me he loved me and the next he didnt come home and said he didnt want a relationship anymore this was a couple of months ago now and the man i love is gone well and truly i have been destroyed, betrayed and broken in every way a person can be, he even turned around and said he didnt want the first ( our 5 year old) and didnt want this one. After saying lets try hes said he didnt have the guts to say no but i always said to him id rather keep and be happy with what iv got now (6.5 relationship + 5year old daughter) than lose it all to bring a baby into a broken home. Iv not been certain on this pregnancy since he left and the way he acts just reinforces that i can not raise a baby with him, hes not the same man who helped raised our daughter, hes cold and cruel and gone. I had to cry to him today to just come off his phone and play with our daughter for a bit because that baby just wants her dadda she begs him to come home and stay. Im broken mentally and physically and the only thing keeping me going is my daughter everything i do is for her she is my reason i get up in the morning she is the source of my smile. I dont think i can have another and still be that, i feel no connection to this baby its just like theres and imposter inside me. I had ppd for a while after my daughter but i also had a partner and support at the time. I do not have that now iv begged him to move in when the baby comes and he wont. Im already so broken mentally that a baby does not deserve to have a mum that has no connection no want for it. I need to be 100% for my daughter she deserves that at the least and i know having another i will not be able to do that. I dont know how id cope mentally, physically, financially. Itd be different if i was still with their dad but he doesnt want a relationship iv got no hope of him coming back and i cant afford to lose myself when my daughter needs me i cant do that to her she comes first no matter what.