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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

My bf says he’ll never forgive me if I abort

5 replies

Cwoffeelover1 · 02/01/2024 17:32

I am 31 I have been with my bf for the last 11 years and we have one 7 year old who I have been very content with although always questioned whether I would have more children but the time has never been right. For the past couple of years things have gone from bad to worse in our relationship at the weekends. My bf has a job that works on a Saturday and never comes home on Saturday nights he stays out until the next day the amount of times I have argued with him about it and kicked him out he’s promised to change and never has. He did it the day before Xmas eve and turned up at half 1 on Xmas eve, then Boxing Day night again. I was completely done with the relationship and how much energy it was draining me and this behaviour around our little boy is unacceptable and vowed I’d never have a Christmas like this again. I wanted to go into the new year a fresh start me and my son. Then I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant… at first I was happy but then it dawned over me what had been going on. He acted like he wanted a fresh start and to change then the following next night he went out again left me in by myself whilst my son was sleeping out at his nans. I was adamant he wasn’t going to change and that I needed to end the pregnancy as I knew the way things are going I could end up a single mum to 2 and be starting all over again with limited money and no where big enough to stay. Even though I feel like logically it’s the right thing to do I can’t help feel guilty and grief at the thought of a termination. I felt this way about my son now and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me although I was younger then and was in a more stable relationship. I also don’t have anything to offer we live in a 2 bed apartment (no space) I haven’t worked since I deferred from uni cos of struggling with my mental health. My bf works 2 jobs but isn’t financially stable or good with money. Everytime I know it’s the right thing to do my head argues with me that it would be loved and I’d find a way to managed but then I also feel like I want to go back to before with more freedom again for me and my son so I can concentrate on sorting myself out for him. Please could I have advice and be kind my head is such a mess and I keep hysterically crying as I don’t know what’s the best thing to do as I feel so guilty also my bf is against abortion and says he’ll never forgive me. I feel like I’m supposed to be in a long term relationship where this should be happy but instead I’m terrified for our future and the future of my son as I feel I’m going to be left on my own bringing up 2 kids whilst he lives he’s best social life. Sorry for the long post thanks for reading pls message for more info as this post was long as it is xx

OP posts:
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Cwoffeelover1 · 02/01/2024 17:35

Please help xx

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Cwoffeelover1 · 02/01/2024 19:15

bump

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NameeeeeeeChangeeeeed · 02/01/2024 20:24

BPAS or MSI offer pregnancy choices counselling. It’s a listening ear, nobody telling you what to do, and this sounds ideal for you. It’s just space to talk about your circumstances.

You have time to decide and whatever you decide, you’re strong and you can make the changes you want in your life.💙💚💛

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ChimneySweepLiverpool · 04/01/2024 17:17

Hi OP,

I hope you're ok. I have been through similar, being told I would never be forgiven from someone I was in a relationship with. I don't want to get into in on a public page but feel free to message me. It's horrible and either way I hope you're doing ok x

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NeonCarrot · 08/01/2024 01:53

Wow, you two have been together 11 years, that's a long time. Your partner knows you are pregnant, right? Is he abusive to you? Or just absent a lot of time? Have you told him you need him to be home more, and what did he say? You might need to be really firm with him, and tell him if this new baby is going to work out, you need him to do certain tasks/chores, or not stay out all night while you're home seeing to everything. Maybe just the threat of saying you'll walk out will make him realize what he's throwing away if he doesn't compromise and try harder to be a family man. And I agree with ChimneySweep that some counseling might help you sort through your wants and needs. Sorry he's making what should be a happy time into a stressful one, dear.

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