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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Unwanted 4th (6th) pregnancy

7 replies

Unknown987 · 02/01/2024 15:44

I have 2 DD's from a previous relationship and my partner 1 biological DS and 1 SS - we share a 2 year old DD. We spoke briefly about having another for the youngest (and us) but husband was dead against it in terms of our ages, future plans and generally unable to give as much time due to a recent promotion at work so we both agreed we had enough between us and our family was complete.
i have since found out I am expecting - it's very early stages yet but I have never ever felt as conflicted as I do. Abortion being against religious beliefs for us both, I have even googled it as that's how strongly I don't want to be in this situation.
I get told I am an absent mum a lot by my partner - I'm practically all there but emotionally find it hard to be present, something I know and am aware of. As a result my partner is the one who fills the emotional needs of my DD 2 - and she is always looking in his direction not mine. I had a narcissist mother and as a result find it hard to show my love the typical way. I share this for context about whether it is selfish to go ahead with the pregnancy knowing what I'm like and bringing another child into my life. I know my children are happy - I have worked hard to build what I have in terms of breaking trauma cycles. I would be due on my 40th and can't shake off the knowledge how bad I get pnd and pre natal depression. I'm so stuck on what to do. Will I regret the abortion? Does it hurt? Will the baby know?
my heart is all so conflicted as I've spent all my life protecting my older two DD from any harm and now I'm thinking of doing this to my own baby.

i just need some advice. Please.

OP posts:
theprincessthepea · 02/01/2024 20:24

I resonate with you. I had a termination a few years ago. Due to my beliefs I never thought I would ever do it but at the time it was the decision I made despite my religion.

Id say that the pain was bearable for me. It was more like a bad period. There are a few posts on this forum where women share their experience and I resonate with many of them. However I found that I did have to heal both emotionally and spiritually afterwards - I did not expect the grief that would follow and nobody warned me about it. All women are different.

The most important thing is that it is a decision that you make and are happy with and seek post abortion help if you need it.

I would also advise that you maybe look into understanding why you are emotionally vacant as a parent right now.

I hope you make the best decision for you and your family x

theprincessthepea · 02/01/2024 20:27

I forgot to add I have also found some useful talks on YouTube from religious leaders with a pro-choice stance. Of course your beliefs are yours but I do find abortion and religion never mix. And I personally found some level of comfort hearing the stories of others. However I think this decision really should come from within.

user1488481370 · 02/01/2024 23:38

I had a termination a couple of months back between 6-7 weeks. Pain was very manageable, kept on top of it with painkillers and a hot water bottle. Absolutely fine. I struggled with PND too as well as horrendous anxiety. I’d had my last 2 children quite close together, our living arrangements aren’t great right now and I just felt it wouldn’t be fair on this baby or our existing children. In another life, perhaps it could’ve worked. I won’t lie, I found it and am finding it very hard to deal with emotionally. For the first time in my life I’m having reoccurring dreams where I’m handed my baby and then am heartbroken when I wake up but I still think I’ve made the correct decision, I hope that you make peace with whatever you decide x

NeonCarrot · 12/01/2024 04:47

How are you doing, Unknown987? Just because you're not an emotional mum doesn't mean you're a bad parent. Hope you've been able to discern your wishes and priorities in this new year, and that you and your partner can decide what to do together.

xsagestarsx · 24/03/2024 19:15

Unknown987 · 02/01/2024 15:44

I have 2 DD's from a previous relationship and my partner 1 biological DS and 1 SS - we share a 2 year old DD. We spoke briefly about having another for the youngest (and us) but husband was dead against it in terms of our ages, future plans and generally unable to give as much time due to a recent promotion at work so we both agreed we had enough between us and our family was complete.
i have since found out I am expecting - it's very early stages yet but I have never ever felt as conflicted as I do. Abortion being against religious beliefs for us both, I have even googled it as that's how strongly I don't want to be in this situation.
I get told I am an absent mum a lot by my partner - I'm practically all there but emotionally find it hard to be present, something I know and am aware of. As a result my partner is the one who fills the emotional needs of my DD 2 - and she is always looking in his direction not mine. I had a narcissist mother and as a result find it hard to show my love the typical way. I share this for context about whether it is selfish to go ahead with the pregnancy knowing what I'm like and bringing another child into my life. I know my children are happy - I have worked hard to build what I have in terms of breaking trauma cycles. I would be due on my 40th and can't shake off the knowledge how bad I get pnd and pre natal depression. I'm so stuck on what to do. Will I regret the abortion? Does it hurt? Will the baby know?
my heart is all so conflicted as I've spent all my life protecting my older two DD from any harm and now I'm thinking of doing this to my own baby.

i just need some advice. Please.

Hi @Unknown987, what did you decide to do? X

Original poster
Unknown987 · 24/03/2024 20:14

I couldn't go ahead with the pregnancy.

OP posts:
xsagestarsx · 24/03/2024 21:18

Unknown987 · 24/03/2024 20:14

I couldn't go ahead with the pregnancy.

I hope you had a smooth experience and you are doing ok. Well done for making the right decision for you. We are all here for you to talk to if you need someone x

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