Abortion regret

[purple47]

Hi, not in a million years did I think I'd have an abortion and now it's done I feel so guilty.

I've got PCOS so really struggled for years with miscarriages and then I finally had my son was sick for most of my pregnancy but I just stayed in bed cyclizine helped a bit. I then had a cancer scare but it wasn't cancer thankfully but my pill was making me bleed so we decided to just use condoms once we had sex without it and I was ill for weeks with flu etc then I started being sick and thought it was a sickness bug got sore boobs so did a test I was completely surprised it was positive. I went for an early scan and I was 6 weeks with a strong heartbeat but I didn't feel anything it was so strange I hated myself for it. My partner didn't want another baby as soon as I told him but said it's up to me. I was gonna keep it but with me feeling nothing the sickness and trying to look after my son it was awful I could literally feel nauseous all day being sick as well I started to feel down again, my partner was really depressed a few months after my son was born as it was so hard he was up every hour and he still gets up now so I was worried how we've cope. If I didn't have sickness I think I'd 90% go through with the pregnancy as then I could enjoy time with my son.

I had abortion pills 7 weeks 2 days and as soon as I took the first one I felt so much regret. It's weird as when my friend said she was pregnant I was like congratulations but honestly I was like thinking glad it's not me. I cried all night thinking I've made the wrong decision why am I not stronger, why don't my family help more with my son so I could get through this pregnancy??? I took the second ones the next day and I've never been in such intense pain which I know I deserve.

This morning the pain has gone and sickness but I feel so sad for this baby I could have had. My partner said we've lost a few baby's at this stage and told it's one of those things which is very true. I'm just wondering how people get through an abortion. I'll NEVER go through this again we've agreed always to wear condoms as I couldn't do it again. I think if my son was in school I would have just phoned in work sick and atleast I could spend most of my days in bed. I actually did want another child once my son was like 5 now I'm like how can we even try in a few years knowing what I've done.

my heart goes out to you. it can be a really emotional process and no one ever prepares you for it. the grief can be horrendous and as you say all the reasons for the decision can seem futile once the process is done. Be kind to yourself- you are allowed to grieve. it does not mean it was not the right decision- in life there is sometimes no right path. but you can allow yourself to feel sad for what could have been. theres a few of us on here who have been through a similar process so do message any time. but the I promise the rawness of what you are feeling now will not be that intense forever.Try and access some counselling if you can and ARCH (a charity) also run a helpline staffed with women who have been through the process. In the early days, me phoning them was at times what got me through. sending you lots of love

I hear you & I understand you. The PCOS, the sickness, all the trying then a surprise pregnancy.

I took the first pill a week today at 6wks. I sobbed my heart out, I’ve always been pro choice but I never thought I’d have to act on it.

I feel sad & like you said I wish I was stronger. I wish I didn’t have 2 disabled kids & I wish I didn’t have mental health issues.

I said to my husband yesterday I am a fantastic mum. And I could have been on this one too.

whilst that’s true - at what cost? Dividing & stretching myself further until when? I actually snap?

I wish our circumstances were different & that we had family support but we don’t & we needed to be realistic on that. Life isn’t rose tinted & it’s very easy to look back on it in that way. Like PP said - all the reasons can seem futile afterwards But That doesn’t mean they are.

im still in the midst of all my feelings. It’s only natural to be conflicted after such a life changing situation & decision. We are all human. You are not alone. You can feel grateful & sad at the same time.

im so sorry op. Its so awful. I haven’t arranged any counselling yet but I plan to.