Is anyone here? About to take the second lot of tablets & I’m dying

[Bart84]

I’ve felt ill all day. I didn’t know the first tablet in the clinic could make you feel this ill or maybe it’s my nerves.

Im taking painkillers & anti sickness tablets now, grabbing a shower then lying down in bed to take the tablets. It’s the only child free time I have, hubby is here for any child wakenings.

I feel so ill. I’m so sorry our circumstances weren’t different. Im sorry my eldest is severely disabled. Im sorry my youngest almost most died at birth & left me with severe ptsd.

Im sorry we fell pregnant when you could genuinely count on 2 hands the amount of times we’ve been physical this year. Im
sorry we had fertility issues with our children & needed intervention then this just happened. an angel forever.

im so so sorry for having such a fuck up of a life & about to do sthing I never in a million years throught I ever would. I’ve always been pro choice but I didn’t think I’d ever need it.

I am here xx

I was so sick with the first tablet. I vomited in the car journey home from the clinic, it hit me that quickly.
Oh darling, you have been through so much. You are not a fuck up! You will make it through this.

Thank you hand holding.

I’ve took all the painkillers I can & have 2 hot water bottles.

I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m so gutted.

its the right choice we have no doubts about that but we just wish things were different.

We wish we had support & it wasn’t just us.

oh & I forgot to add that I have had CANCER on that list.

I can’t take any more trauma - my heart, my mind, my body - but I need to be here for my children. 💔💔💔💔

I am broken

It’s a very hard decision even if it’s the right one. Cry as much as you need , bollocks to being brave.

my hands here to hold 🫲

'I’ve always been pro choice but I didn’t think I’d ever need it.'
I hear you. All of it is a time of worry and pain and rumination, but you are strong in taking one step, then the next. Though times are not good now, I believe you will be ok.

I’m in NI & there is so much prejudice here. It’s only been legal for a couple of years so I’m very grateful to have the option.

my husband & one friend are all that know & can ever know. My husband has been referred for the snip.

stupid thing is they are not even pro lifers they are pro birth - no one cares outside of that. No one is turning up to do the school run or cook a meal.

the clinic wanted to do a blood test for hiv & wanted me to have contraception in place before leaving. I wasn’t prepared for any of that.

I refused the blood test & am home with a years supply of the pill. I wasn’t getting an implant or injection without having researched it. I was there by myself. They were lovely & I know they were doing their job but I just wasn’t prepared.

I feel so sick. And sad. And pathetic.

its all so alien to me.

I’m keeping on top of the pain relief. I’ve felt cramps so far but nothing horrific.

Passed clots on the toilet but I didn’t look at them.

Have 2 hot water bottles, one on my stomach & one on my back.

sorry im kinda journaling / venting here but hopefully it helps me and anyone else in a similar position.

Yes, making yourself go through the places and the medical bit is strange and slightly surreal. Let's say I was several decades older than the 2 others who were called to medical rooms at the same time as I was. In the waiting area, 2 (also quite young) people on reception were happily dragging around a Christmas tree and debating decorations and position. No problem with that but it was...emotional.
Your journalling sounds as if you are doing things in a way that cares for yourself and keeps things on a manageable side.
Hope you're alright this morning and that you can recover a bit over the day. You are fragile for a while, but then cautiously grateful as well as all the other mixture.

Echoing all the responses here. You will need lots of time to heal emotionally. Hope you are ok today and over the worst of the pain xx

Thank you so much everyone. I’m not great today but miles better than yesterday / during the night. Going to nap rest of afternoon.

sending love to anyone in similar positions. It’s horrific 💔