Unexpectedly Pregnant with dc4, don’t know what to do

[Pearl234]

Hi, I have found out this weekend that I am pregnant with baby number 4. I am happily married with 3 children, our youngest is 5 and middle 7 and our eldest is 13 and felt like we were moving into the next chapter. I am all over the place with this news as it was completely unexpected, I had been using the contraceptive pill and it has never failed before. I just don’t know what to do, we live in a 3 bed house, we had been planning on extending in the next 2 years as we have the plot to do so we do have options. Financially we could cope. But I worry the implications on giving the time my 3 DC need, cars, holidays etc. 4 seems so much more than 3. Please can anyone share any experiences that are similar? I am considering my options, I just don’t know if I would regret a termination.. the realisation that I am actually pregnant is all I can think about. My husband is supportive he’s happy to continue with the pregnancy but will also support me if we choose to terminate , in some ways I wish he had stronger feelings one way or another. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thankyou

I'd say positive is your kids are older and have nicer age gaps so I would cope. Don't worry about cars and holidays etc you just adjust things with a baby.

What I strongly advise is if you have a termination have COUNSELLING before you do it. I wish I did because it still traumatises me what I did and I have hatred for family friends and professionals who didn't support me. Family and friends were saying yeah get a termination you're not well but then got on with their lives happily a few days after I had it done. I'd do anything to go back in time and not have it done. I had a baby after the termination and although I love her, I still wonder what the other one would be like.

Hi Pearl, I hope you're doing okay. I think heartbroken22 has some wise words to consider. Sometimes the shock and anxiety of an unplanned pregnancy makes women act before they have a chance to really think things through. And in my own experience, often times the best things in life are not exactly what we planned. If you do decide to accept this child into your family, maybe your husband could get a vasectomy so there will not be any more surprises. The thing about abortion is that you can't know for certain how it will affect you, and this site is full of mourning, regretful mums who acted out of fear and panic but then realized they might have been able to extend their family's love to one more child. My youngest sister is seven years younger than me, but she and I are closer than any other friend I have. It may seem exhausting to start with another newborn, but your other children are old enough that they can be a little more independent and do more chores and tidying to help out. Like heartbroken said, some counselling might do you a lot of good to help you figure out your priorities and reasoning, and not just feelings (which can change day to week to month). All my best to you!