Unexpectedly 10 weeks pregnant

[Mammyloveswine]

Had a positive pregnancy test back in October, absolutely shocked as DH and I have barely had sex (and use contraception!). A day after the test I had bleeding akin to my normal period-if id not had the positive test I wouldn't have even given pregnancy a thought as a possibility.

Sought medical advice and was told it very much sounded like a miscarriage/chemical pregnancy.

Cut to 3 weeks after, to be sure I did a test-positive straight away. I then spent the last 2.5 weeks trying to get in contact with bpas/marie stopes and the nhs about a termination only to have appointments cancelled or not on the system.. it's been hell! I also have a complicated medical history which puts me at risk during pregnancy.

Finally booked in for s scan and proc endure yesterday.. scan showed I was 10 weeks 4 days but due to my complex medical history can not have the procedure for another 3 weeks as they need specialists.

I am broken and genuinely feel so wracked with guilt. There is no way I can have this baby due to so many reasons (largely financial) but to have to terminate and go through with surgery at over 13 weeks absolutely horrifies me.

I'm trying so hard to not feel emotional and to think of it all as a "medical procedure" but I'm really struggling today,

I just needed to talk as I've no one in real life I can talk to.

I have no advice, just wanted to offer a handhold. What a bloody awful situation for you both

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto thank you for replying 💕

@Mammyloveswine i too have no advice, but didn’t want to read and not reply. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. Please see if you can access counselling before the procedure to perhaps talk it through with somebody, it may just help 💕 xx

Thank you @Hopful123 💕 kind words mean a lot

@Mammyloveswine do you have anyone IRL you can speak to? My inbox is always open if you wanted to PM me x

@Hopful123 I have one really close friend who knows the whole situation and has been my rock but I can't just keep leaning on her as she's going through so much too! "D" h has been zero support.. im so annoyed because he has been booked in for a vasectomy twice and twice cancelled last minute!!! Yet now I have to go through this?!

@Mammyloveswine I’m pleased that you have somebody to talk to. But I’m sorry your DH isn’t supporting you. Have you spoken about how he feels, whether he wants to keep the baby? Has he got anyone that he can talk to about it?

I know you said there are many reasons for you choosing not to continue, please be sure it’s the decision YOU want and not your DH. X

@Hopful123 he doesn't want to at all.. we are not in a good place in our marriage, I've just started a new job and as the main breadwinner I wouldn't get maternity pay so we'd be screwed as already in a load of debt..

I'm trying to just not think of the fact that there's a visible baby there now as if I saw it I just couldn't go through with it.

I have 2 other children, one with additional needs so I also need to think about them.

It's just so hard. I want to talk to my mam but she passed away almost a year ago.

@Mammyloveswine oh dear, I am so sorry to hear about your Mam, sending you a big hug 💐 what would she advise you to do?

I am also not in a good place with my marriage, it is tough when there are underlying problems. Try not to think of the details, even though I know it’s easier said than done. Can you access counselling before the procedure?

Your two children are lucky to have you, you do need to consider them and how it will impact them. But if you decide to go ahead with the termination, make sure you have the support in place for you, as it’s so easy to put yourself last when you have a family but your Mental Health is so important. (I need to practice what I preach!).

I know you said your friend has a lot on, but please do lean on her for support. That’s what good friends are for.

Thank you @Hopful123 I'm sorry you are having difficulties with your marriage too. It's so tough!

I really truly appreciate your kind words and internet support to a total stranger.

My mam wouldve probs said the termination was the right decision but then part of me thinks "would she?" I might speak to my mams sister as they are very similar and I am close to her.

Morning @Mammyloveswine how are you feeling this morning?

sometimes it’s easier talking to a complete stranger you’ve never met than those close to you IRL!

your mum sounds like she would have been very supportive, maybe speak to Auntie as I’m sure she will understand.

Morning @Hopful123 ! I had a weirdly lovely sleep last night, first time in ages I've slept properly!

Still feeling a bit conflicted... however I just can't picture having a baby in our lives! I don't feel pregnant at all, have had no symptoms at all... still hoping there's been some kind of mistake even though I know that's ridiculous.

Stupidly read up on the procedure yesterday and really wish I hadn't though.

Haven't updated as had a horrible few weeks.. procedure booked in for weds.. last night I dreamt we decided to keep the baby.,

Spoke to DH tonight who basically told me "I can't go through the baby stage again". He's been such a shit throughout the whole thing, tempted to just go it alone and tell him to piss off then.

Urgh. This is just so crap and I feel like the worst mam ever as I just don't feel festive and even though I'm pretending and going through the motions I really hope my boys can't sense it.

morning @Mammyloveswine , I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve had a horrible few weeks. I thought about you the other day and was going to find your thread to see how you were doing.

how old are your boys? I also have 2 boys so a fellow boy mum here! Mine are 1 and 5.

if your DH said he’d support you either way, what would YOU Decide to do?

I'm here if you want to PM me xx

Hi @Hopful123 I genuinely don't know.. tbh I think I'd err on keeping the baby as I'm going to be 13 weeks tomorrow and I know how that looks on a scan... but I also have no way of affording this baby plus I've been on meds etc that could've caused harm so I know realistically I can't.

My boys are 5 and 7 and just amazing although the eldest has ASD which can be hardwork at times!

My best friend has been an amazing support so thank god I have her.. she's cried with me, hugged me, helped with the boys and just there in every way.

Hey Mammy, I'm so sorry you're in this situation, faced with the most difficult of choices. It sounds like you have room in your heart and home for one more. I can't imagine how isolated you must feel, if you and your husband's relationship is rocky right now, and I too would be angry that he didn't get the vasectomy when he had the chance, rather than assume you would abort any unplanned pregnancies. I totally understand feeling conflicted about aborting in the second trimester and hope you can find a way through this that you can feel at peace about. All my best to you.

Hi @Mammyloveswine how are you? I know you said the procedure was scheduled for today, have you had any further thoughts on what you will do?

thinking of you x

Thank you so much for your kind message. I'm currently in and awaiting the procedure. The nurses have been so kind.

There is the option of a cremation and service afterwards which is really lovely and I think will help to give me some peace.

I've thought a lot in recent days but I think overall it is the right decision even though it's the worst "choice" I've ever had to make.

I'm in and awaiting the procedure. The nurses are so kind and really lovely.

Afterwards there is an option of a cremation and service which I think is really lovely and wasn't expecting. I think that will help give me some peace.

How are you doing @Mammyloveswine 💐 xx

I'm home.. I'm doing ok considering. The bleeding was a lot more than I anticipated and quite distressing but now I'm home I feel quite relieved I suppose. It's a surreal mixture of sadness, relief, guilt and grief. I'm tired so going to go to bed soon xx thank you for your support throughout this whole process 💕

Hi @Mammyloveswine how are you? Xx

Today has been tough..still physically healing and it's the first anniversary of my mams death too.

Thank you for checking in 💕💕