Pregnant with 10 month old

[Greeneyegirl]

I feel a fool and it's the typical cliche.

DH and I have a just 10month old DD. It took 11 months to conceive her. I had a normal 26 day cycle, ovulation on day 13 and we had sex at all the right times and month after month was nothing. On the month we conceived we'd both been on fertility vitamins for a while, used conceive plus lubricant, had loads of sex and were so happy it finally worked.

I didn't go back on the pill after pregnancy because I wanted to keep an even cycle and wondered if the delay in conception was due to coming off the pill. We've been using condoms. Last month we decided to start avoiding my fertile week as I'd been tracking and I still was having a 26 day cycle and ovulating day 13. We had sex once. All month. On day 7. I'm pregnant.

My initial reaction was we can't do this and within minutes of the positive test I filled out a form for BPAS. Husband said all the right things "it's up to you, I'll support whatever etc etc". I think he doesn't want the baby. I didn't want it.

We'd have an exactly 18 month age gap, I'm going back to work next week. We don't have a lot of money at all. We are okay but very little left over, especially when paying nursery fees from next week. We built an extension on our house this year and the shell is done but we don't have the money currently to finish it, it will be a gradual process so we have no kitchen. I wanted to enjoy DD for a while, give her our full attention. I loved maternity leave and while I see the appeal of getting baby years "over and done with" I'm not sure I want to rush through them. Pretty sure we only will have 2 children and I was looking forward to a future maternity leave, for it to be over so soon seems a shame.

This morning I have woken up feeling torn though. We want another one day so should we really terminate this pregnancy? How am I going to squeeze a termination into my first time back at work in almost a year plus baby's first Christmas? I'm scared of the termination and how I'd feel. What if it takes us ages to conceive again (especially as I'll now have to go back on the pill and come off it again).

It is entirely up to you. There never is a "right time" to have a baby.

I have a DF who has two who are 13 months apart. It was very busy for them but the girls are now adults and incredibly close. Other friends have waited until the first was in school then had the second. Neither is wrong.

It just feels like such a bad time to make this decision. I have no idea what our finances will look like with DD in nursery and me dropping a day at work. We have so much to pay for on the house. Do I really want to have 2 under 2, how does anyone even cope with that?

Lots of people do it, Greeneyegirl! Like you said, as nice as it might be to space out the baby years, some people prefer to have their children close together and then you can get rid of all the high chairs, bouncy seats, etc. The children will be close in age and you won't have to worry as much when they get older that video games/movies/shows that are okay for the older one are too intense/scary /inappropriate for the younger one (I have a friend who is dealing with this in a big way right now). I understand finances being tight, but even if you have to take on some debt right now, you could be much better off in a few years and be stable. With the time it took you to conceive, you should give this careful consideration, as it might be a gift in disguise. Let the initial shock wear off and don't rush into a decision just to get out of a stressful situation. I hope you'll be able to think through this with a clear head and heart.

It just seems very impossible right now. We'd need a new car, the thought of being pregnant again, I'd just got back to "feeling normal" and was looking forward to loosing some weight and getting fitness back. I had a horrendous birth and would probably need a C-section so I'd have to come home to an 18 month old after that.

What did you decide @Greeneyegirl? I’m in your exact situation right now and would love some advice.

How are you doing, @Greeneyegirl?

@RealUmberCat . I went through with the termination. I was about 5 weeks 2 days I think (by LMP but as I conceived so early in my cycle I'm guessing that would be more like 6 weeks 2 days). Anyway, I cried pretty solidly for the week leading up to it. Went back and forward so much. I knew in my head it was the right thing to do because we would have needed a new car, we only have 2 bedrooms, I was going back to work, we were struggling for money, I wanted some more time not pregnant etc. The termination itself was physically painless, quick and easy. I was so shocked that there was no pain. I thought it hadn't worked even though I felt the pregnancy sack pass. But it has and overall I felt relief and continued back at work, enjoyed Xmas.

Now I'm a few months on I find it harder. I don't regret it as such but I know if I was to get pregnant now I wouldn't make the same decision and that seems ridiculous because it's only 2 months later. I am not aiming to get pregnant or anything though as I don't want the termination to have been in vain. My best friend and I had our first babies the same week and she is now pregnant again. She is 6 weeks behind what I would have been so that is hard as I will see the life I could have had play out in front of me. I always knew that was a possibility though as she was actively trying to get pregnant from her first being 9 months. She's the only person aside from my husband who knows about the termination and has been so supportive and kind.

I think about it a lot (tik tok reference but it's my Roman empire lol). The combination of going back to work part time and childcare fees has crippled us though and we are overdrawn from the second week of the month so if I was 16 weeks pregnant right now I'd be so stressed. I just wonder what life would have been like with 2 so close together.

All the reasons I terminated are still there, they just don't feel as BIG now. I don't really know what I'm trying to say. My head knows this was the right decision but my heart hurts still.