Does this make me a monster?

[Anon4586]

Long story short
i am considering a second trimester abortion due to mental health.
I have fallen into quite a severe depression where I can’t get through much more than an hour a day without crying.
I can’t see any way forward through this.
I completely feel like I don’t want this and can’t do this and I just want it to go away.
I’ve even thought that either I start to feel better about this or maybe I shouldn’t be here because terminating at a later stage makes me feel like a monster.
All my family and friends know and are happy and exited but I feel the absolute opposite.
I’ve got an assessment with the perinatal team but been told likely a 8 week wait
nothing anyone says to me seems to help
I will most likely loose my husband and I can’t blame him because I feel like a complete monster for considering this.
I don’t know what I am hoping for from this, I just don’t know what to do :(

Thank you so much for bravely posting this. I can’t offer much advice as I am also going through awful prenatal depression/anxiety, and am considering a second trimester termination too. It is hell. I hope knowing someone else is feeling the same way provides a glimmer of comfort to you xxx and no, you are not a monster at all.

Thank you so much.
I am so sorry you are going through this too, I agree, it is absolute hell.
I really hope you are okay and feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to xxx

You’re not a monster. Tell someone in real life how you feel, or show them this post.

Try not to make a decision you may regret because you hope the pain will go away, it might be that you abort and the pain only changes. Be sure that this course of action will help and think about how you will feel when the abortion is complete before you go ahead.

An 8 week wait for perinatal mental health is very long. Does your GP know how bad you are feeling? They can give you an SSRI even in pregnancy, sertraline for example, and there should be a primary care mental health team even if you cannot access perinatal mental health support. If you need to, turn up in A&E. Whatever keeps you safe.

Whatever you decide, this isn’t your fault. You’re not a monster, it’s not uncommon. There are lots of people here who have gone through and are going through similar. Thinking of you 🌻You’re strong and it’s going to get better.

Thank you so much @Pianolin

Your message has helped me so so much. I’m out of the ‘crisis’ kind of episode I was having after talking to my husband again and my mum. I got annoyed with the doctors as it took me 3 attempts to get a same day appointment and I had technical issues when the doctor called me, once I eventually got through to reception they told me the doctor was too busy to call me back, I gave up probably out of frustration.

I can’t thank you enough for your lovely message, it’s really been one of things that has picked me up today!
thank you 💜

So sorry that depression is hitting you so badly at this time which should be happy. Pianolyn had great advice, and there are definitely some medicines which are safe to take during pregnancy so I hope you can find something that helps, especially if this was a wanted baby by you and your partner. We are all surrounded by a wall of circumstances and feelings, and both can change. Feelings that were so strong one month can suddenly diminish. That's why it's so risky to make important choices based on feelings. You have to also look at the things which are true and do not change. If you are anxious about how you will manage after the baby is born, maybe your partner can agree to help in various ways and it will ease your stress a bit. All this turmoil doesn't mean you won't be a great mum. We all doubt ourselves. I don't know exactly what you are going through but I hope you can find a way through it to better times and a stronger relationship with your partner.

Thank you @SnowySpa

I will look at meds again as I have had them in the past and they helped me.

To be honest I feel so ungrateful as my situation is really great. My partner absolutely sees it as team work and has already said he wants me to still do everything that I enjoy. See my friends, go for walks with the dog, go on days out or nights with friends etc. I have worked It up in my head to be the end of my life and that I will just lose my identity completely so I might as well just give up now and stop living or enjoying things. It sounds so ridiculous but the brain is so powerful ☹️ I google all the time things like “what happens if I regret having kids” which makes me feel so much worse. But I’ve also had a few comments about get used to not being able to do this or that anymore etc
My partner wants to start a family not just because he wants a child, but because he wants to do it with me.
It’s also why I feel so ungrateful as I know there are so many people out there in situations x10000 worse than mine, yet I feel like my world is ending.

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply, I am slowly starting to feel better and I know I’ll come through this stronger 😊