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Pregnancy choices

My husband doesn’t want children.

5 replies

lillypops91 · 21/11/2023 03:51

Hi all,
im in a bit of a dilemma. Ive been with my husband for 13 years and in the past we have spoken about having children. Recently the subject came up again and he dropped a bombshell that he didn’t want to have children. We are unfortunate that we have very few living family members therefore do not have a big support network which is one of his main reasons for coming to this decision. It has never been a deal breaker for me and i respected his choice. However now its really getting me down the thought of never having a child and i feel i will regret this in the future. Maybe im feeling a bit over sensitive or its the realisation how little of a support network we have. Will i learn to make peace with this choice?

OP posts:
SnowySpa · 21/11/2023 15:27

I'm sorry Lilly, that's a big surprise for a partner to drop. I'm assuming you talked about this before marriage and that at that time he was open to having children. It's not fair for him to decide for the both of you, at least without discussing whether his reasons make sense. Lots of people have children far away from their families and are able to cope just fine. It might mean having to pay for a babysitter if you want to go out, or watching a friend's child and they return the favor. Some men are very scared of uncertainty, they like to make sure they are prepared and ready for any little thing that could go wrong, and with having a baby there are no end to "what ifs." If he doesn't like the feeling of not being in control of things (a natural feeling we all have sometimes) he might need to reconsider if the answer is to never take a chance on having a child, especially if it is something that was important to you. I hope you will be able to be honest with him if this is genuinely not okay with you. If you don't, and the years pass, and it's too late, you may start to feel resentful of him and wondering why he got his way when you are supposed to be equal partners in this marriage. Good luck to you.

Pianolin · 23/11/2023 12:50

Could you see a relationship counsellor to talk this through? You have to make a shared decision, not him decide for both of you.

A compromise might be one child? Much more flexibility, less time stuck in the baby years, but still a family.

Burntouted · 23/11/2023 17:07

If you want children, you're going to have to leave him and have them with, or by someone else.

People change their minds all of the time.
He has changed his mind. He is allowed to.

Both of you are entitled to your feelings and each should be respected.

If you choose to stay with him, you have to remain childless.

Burntouted · 23/11/2023 17:15

There is no compromise in this situation. A counselor on this situation isn't needed. He is allowed to not want children anymore. He is allowed to not want that for his life.

He didn't make a decision for their lives, he made a decision for his life.

Op doesn't have to remain childless, if children are important to them. Op can have children still, just not with him...and they can no longer share a life together. Divorce and going their separate ways would be needed to achieve this desired outcome....if op wanted...

SnowySpa · 30/11/2023 13:43

How are you doing, lillypops? I've been thinking about you 💚

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