Pregnant with 4th - unplanned. Help!

[Kenno85]

Hi everyone,

Just needing somewhere I can voice my feelings. Found out this week I’m pregnant with my 4th. We have 3 boys aged 6, 4 & 1. We have been on the fence about having a 4th but more recently I’ve been thinking our 3 boys are enough!

Financially it would be a constraint but I know we’d manage. We already need a bigger 7 seater car, we live in a 3 bed semi so would need to move anyway at some point.

My 3 pregnancies were easy (aged 32, 34 & 36) but I’m now 38 and defo feeling it, not sure I have the energy to get through another pregnancy and those first few months again. I also have a mild prolapse so I’m anxious about how my body will cope with carrying another baby.

My husband is super supportive and happy with whatever decision I make. We have discussed a termination briefly but I just don’t think it could be an option for me, not sure if I’d feel too guilty and have regrets.

If anyone has been in a similar situation then please share some words/support. I know we can cope with what life throws at us and 4 surely isn’t soo much more crazy than 3 right?! 😂

No words of wisdom, apart from check out the Large Family Section. Just wanted to offer a handhold

Thank you! xx

Hi Kenno,

I too am in Your position, my first 2 pregnancies were through fertility treatment and I have a 4 year old and 2 year old twins. I’m 8 weeks into a very unplanned surprise pregnancy. You should feel lucky to have supportive partner allowing you to make the right decision for you, and ultimately whichever decision you choose will be right. My partner wants me to have a termination that I do not want and it’s putting a lot of strain on us. I am very pro choice, but don’t feel it’s the right decision for me. We too were happy with 3 and financially it will be difficult but I feel like my heart couldn’t live with knowing there should be one more if I terminated. But that’s my decision you sound like you’ve already made your decision but want confirmation that it’s the right choice.

i hope knowing your not the only one struggling with this decision helps x

Hi, thanks for your message. I think we’ve decided to progress with the pregnancy but I haven’t been sleeping well, just worrying about the logistics etc which I know won’t matter once the baby’s here. We also got rid of everything after baby no 3, he’s only 21 months so I’m kicking myself now! That’s amazing you got pregnant naturally, really hoping your partner comes round to the idea if that’s what you want. I wouldn’t rush into anything if you can xxx

So sorry that your DP is putting this pressure on you @Lost34

it might be stressful initially but I feel everyday stresses with money etc will come and go, but I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anyone say they regretted having another child even in difficult circumstances. I hope you manage to get alittle more sleep and congratulations x

Thank you. How have you been feeling? xx

I’ve been ok thank you, same sort or worries as you financially, logistically. But I think I’ve made my decision to continue the pregnancy too, I just haven’t officially told my partner yet, he needs abit more time to adjust I think, we’re booking a couples counselling session so hopefully that will help us x

Glad you've been able to come to a decision, that turmoil eats away at you. I feel loads calmer now now. Hope your partner is okay, sure he will be once he gets his head round. Like you say, might just take some time xx

Happy to hear that, Lost34, I've been following your posts and am glad you're following your heart. Hopefully one day your husband will be glad that you were assertive and that you both love your youngest child. Hope he listens and that the counselor helps him take in the news with perspective and open-mindedness.