So Confused

[MrsCanning23]

Advice would be so appreciated.

Long story short. I'm married we have 4 children between us 14, 11,7,3.. 2 boys an 2 girls. We are blended family.

My husband is waiting for a vasectomy an we have been using protection. (Birth control was making feel not me anymore).. we have just found out we are carrying a 5th (will be our 2nd together)...
We have told no one, I have no parents.
My Aunty and MIL was completely and brutally honest to make a point that we DONT DARE have another one. The children have expressed their dislike of the idea also.
The other children don't play with our youngest the lock her out of the bedroom an try to avoid her where possible, rarely play with her.

I'm unsure why they all despise the idea when I found out I was really excited! But then when I sat down an thought about how my youngest is always left out which im very protective of!... and our families hate the idea so much its left me truly heart broken. My husband says to do what I want to do but I was already told to terminate my first 2..(my family have never been close to me an never believed me to be of parent skill)..

I feel sick with fear, worry, hurt...I never celebrated my other 2 children an now I fear I'll regret what ever decision I make.

I feel very withdrawn from family an no one to turn too.

Bit of back ground.

I lost my mum at 11, my dad 2 years ago.. my grandparents are in a home so I only have my aunty for guidance an she isn't very emotional or compassionate.
My 2 step children lost their mum on my wedding day last year so it's been difficult adjusting for us all.

please seek some counselling from a termination service. this will help you seperate everyone elses' feelings and your so you can process how YOU feel about it all. its a difficult choice buts its even harder when you have lots of chattering voices. getting counselling to process the decision will mean that whatever you decide you know then you have made the decision that you need to xx

Hello MrsCanning, I'm so sorry for all the hardships and loss you've endured. I agree with Saskia though, that in the end you are the one who will have to live most directly with the circumstances of the choice you make. If you are excited to have another child with your partner, don't let anyone take that joy away from you. If the youngest child lacks a playmate, it sounds like having a younger sibling might become close with them in a few years. The older ones might complain now, but I know many families where the youngest child is so beloved by the whole family, they can't imagine being without them. I'm sure you know some of those too- and I'd bet anything that many of them are "surprise" babies. This is a time to be assertive, and to NOT let anyone else tell you what to do. They can have their opinion but this is too important to let anyone else override your feelings and your heart. You don't get a second chance to go back and make this decision again, so you need to find your path forward and feel confident in it. Be good to yourself during this unsteady time.