Pregnant at 39 with 4th baby and husband wants to abort

[Beckham1984]

I’m 6 weeks pregnant with my 4th child at the age of 39. I have 3 boys ages 8, 5 and 2 who are my world.
This pregnancy was completely unplanned and I don’t know what to to.
My husband wants me to have a termination as he says we couldn’t cope, financially it’s tough and also he was looking forward to getting some more time together now we are nearly out of the baby phase.
I understand his reasons and prior to find out out I was pregnant I agreed with them, but now I am pregnant and I just think it would break me if I had to have a termination.
please help

Before I got unexpectedly pregnant with what would’ve been my third I wanted three but had jointly agreed with my partner that we wouldn’t have another, for many reasons. I panicked and had an abortion.

I think being accidentally pregnant is a valid cause to reevaluate those reasons for not having another. Just because it’s how you felt before you got pregnant it doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind. I’m sure you already have but weigh up the pros and cons, try to picture your future either way. Imagine how you might feel if you lost the baby naturally. Talk it through with people you trust, or with counsellors at a clinic.

There’s definitely no easy option. Over a year later I’m sometimes so glad I only have my two and have been able to devote so much more time, energy and patience to them. Sometimes I’m consumed with thoughts of the third child I could’ve had. It’s definitely got easier to handle over time though.

Don't do it!

But I am pro life.

its great you have reached out because can be a lonely place to be in. if you already think a termination may break you, then please dont do it. whilst some women are fine after, some of them are mentally not- its not like you just turn back the clock as if this pregnancy never happened- it will always be part of your story. some people can feel satisfied that it was the right decision at the time and not live with regret. But other people feel devastated and regretful. it depends partly on how you think you will be personality wise. i thought we both had to want the child but after the termination i realised i needed to have been realistic about the mental fall out from the situation whereas my husband just didnt think about it again which made me really resent him. so you need to be honest with yourself about how you may handle it. its easy on paper to think practically but afterwards the emotional side can catch up with you. its worth accessing some counselling to process your feelings seperate to your husbands. we didn't talk to anyone else but between us and i realise i got myself into knots whereas if i had accessed counselling beforehand, even if i had made the same decision i would have felt more content with my choice. and it makes me cross that men decide they dont want any more children, but dont themsevles take a permanet option but instead expect us to just get rid as if its that simple. please message any time- its a hard choice to make either way and i am sure you are torn about what feels right for you and what you can manage v your husband v juggling your families' needs.

Putting your husband's wishes on the side for a while, how do YOU feel about having an abortion?

Because you're already saying you'd be devastated. That could have a huge negative impact on your marriage and you might end up resenting him.

Bit of a late reply but almost same situation here: 38 pregnant with surprise 4th baby with ds ages 10,7 & 2. In our case we had a missed miscarriage earlier in april and Although that baby was a oops also I was heartbroken. So when we planned no more! Booked implant date and hubby on vasectomy list then surprise this one turned up after the one quickie 🤣

we are not in anyway rich but get by…and yes we were ready to just embrace the lids and move past the baby stage but In my heart and head i couldnt live with not giving this baby a chance especially as i could have prevented it. Took some wrapping our heads round especially being older when this one hits their 20’s but you know what? I said i’ll be parenting for life anyway🤣🤣🤣 thats us but I’d have a sit down together and pro and con and make a joint decision xx it will be hard - 4 kids in this economy. Its always up to you both x