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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Abortion grief

4 replies

snowflakeh · 10/10/2023 15:13

Hi all. I’ve read so many of your posts here while I was in this horrible stage of deciding what is best for my baby. It’s been weeks and my mind still couldn’t decide. I was burnout. But now that I took the first pill and have the procedure in few days I feel absolutely heartbroken. Like a piece of me is lost and never found. I keep imagining holding my baby after I give a birth to her (I always thought it’s a girl). I can’t look at anyone pregnant or with a child. I can’t go work. I don’t want to do anything and if not for my family, I would end my life too. I feel so sad and wish I had someone with me.

My circumstances were difficult. I live with my parents and so is my ex partner. I don’t earn good amount of money but probably manageable to have a child, especially with a partner. But I wasn’t happy in my relationship, I couldn’t see us together and I was scared I’ll be with him and the baby and never feel free out of this relationship. I know both of decisions would probably bring a lot of pain and emotions, but I feel so bad and unworthy of anything good in my life.

Im scared of seeing my body changing again, of having nightmares, of never seeing a light in life again. I was always so full of gratitude in my life.

If there is anyone going through it or who went through it I would love to hear your stories and maybe get in touch to support each other. I wish things were different…

OP posts:
Saskia2023 · 10/10/2023 20:06

Im so sorry you are going through this, As someone who was in that place some time ago, it really is the lowest i have ever been in my whole life. All those things you describe I went through- not being able to see babies, no wanting to be here etc. No one ever warns you what it can be like emotionally and whilst people can feel this way anyone who talks about it is seen as being anti termination so it takes you off guard the emotional suffering following the procedure. all i would say is treat it like any grief- you are allowed to grieve, you have lost something however it felt the right decision that doesnt mean it was not a hard decision. in time you will go microseconds without thinking about it and gradually it will become a smaller part of you rather than the soul crushing grief. Make sure you get some counselling- your provider should help you. theres also the charity ARCH- google or i can send you the details they run a helpline by people who have been through the process and are open every evening for you just to pour your heart to. message us anytime. there are a few of us on here who have been through it and honestly it was only the women on here who go me through. you are not alone and it really is a horrible experience but it wont feel this raw forever i promise x

Destiny2021 · 12/10/2023 00:10

So sorry to hear.

I haven't experienced such, can only imagine what you are going through.

Here to listen anytime you want to talk. Feel free to PM me.

Wishing you a speeding healing!

SJL2409 · 12/10/2023 13:19

Hi,
Sorry your going through this. I am riding the same wave and have been since July. You are not alone!! I have been signed off work, been put on antidepressants and my mum has moved in with me as I have had a breakdown because of the regret, grief and guilt. Its been rough but I'm here if you need someone x

theprincessthepea · 15/10/2023 23:58

I had a termination over 5 years ago. The other day I read my journal entries from that period and realised that the healing process took months for me!!

I didn’t realise I would feel grief; and nobody tells you about this. You have to take care of yourself and remind yourself that you made the decision for a reason. Never forget your reason as it wasn’t malicious - you did what you thought was best.

I ended up taking time off work, being depressed. Stopped going to any socials with friends that had babies or pregnant women and I was constantly breaking down.

For me journaling and drawing with some therapy helped. I really hope you find a healthy coping mechanism. Happy to chat x

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