Hi all. I’ve read so many of your posts here while I was in this horrible stage of deciding what is best for my baby. It’s been weeks and my mind still couldn’t decide. I was burnout. But now that I took the first pill and have the procedure in few days I feel absolutely heartbroken. Like a piece of me is lost and never found. I keep imagining holding my baby after I give a birth to her (I always thought it’s a girl). I can’t look at anyone pregnant or with a child. I can’t go work. I don’t want to do anything and if not for my family, I would end my life too. I feel so sad and wish I had someone with me.
My circumstances were difficult. I live with my parents and so is my ex partner. I don’t earn good amount of money but probably manageable to have a child, especially with a partner. But I wasn’t happy in my relationship, I couldn’t see us together and I was scared I’ll be with him and the baby and never feel free out of this relationship. I know both of decisions would probably bring a lot of pain and emotions, but I feel so bad and unworthy of anything good in my life.
Im scared of seeing my body changing again, of having nightmares, of never seeing a light in life again. I was always so full of gratitude in my life.
If there is anyone going through it or who went through it I would love to hear your stories and maybe get in touch to support each other. I wish things were different…