Had medical abortion and desperate to get pregnant now

[Hopeitworksout]

I had medical abortion and regretted my decision so much. I am really desperate to get pregnant again and it has made me realise how much I would want a baby.
Is there any suggestion on how soon we can try after the abortion. Me and DH both agree that we didn't knew we were making such a mistake. Please help

technically you can try as soon as you wish- after all its no different physically as a miscarriage. however,it can be worth waiting a few months to process your grief and allow you time to reflect on whether its the right thing for you or whether you are hoping it will make you feel better. this is just my own experience- i rushed into getting pregnant again after my termination and was pregnant again within 2 months. its been a horrendous pregnancy mentally- ive spent the whole time wondering if this is what i wanted or just wanted to stop myself feeling sad and worrying that if this one has problems would the other one have been ok? whilst mentally i am better than in i was in the immediate time after the termination, looking back i was not in a state to decide and there is a lot of literature out there that the few months its an intense hormonal reaction to want another baby. i feel for my husband as I promised him this is what i wanted and needed but since being pregnant i just dont know. so all i would say is let yourself grieve and process the horrible situation. then when you try again you will be there for your new pregnancy as I spend my whole time apologising to my bump for the complete mess i currently am in. people on here advised others to wait and I should have taken that advice on board. but plenty of people on here in time have come on to have healthy, happy babies and it has helped heal- just make sure you are emotionally strong first. and just to say sorry you are going through this- it really was the worst period of my life. theres a few of us on here whove been there so message any time as it was the other people on here who got my through x

Why did you terminate in the first instance?

@Hopeitworksout did you manage to get pregnant ? I feel exactly the same and @Saskia2023 have you had your baby ? How has it been ? Please share as I really am struggling right now

Yes he came in January so about 7 weeks in, Dont get me wrong, I am so lucky to have had a second chance and a lot of the days i thank him and know I am so much better mentally than i was this time last year. but also in my back of mind is the issue lurking about whether i wanted him or to just stop grieving, whether its made me happier etc. one day i cried as i was looking at him and thought how could i got rid of one. i am lucky as so far he is healthy and fairly chilled but i spent my whole pregnancy scared that something would be wrong and the other would have been ok. most days i try and focus on him but i have these thoughts lurking in the background. most days the termination feels like a remote experience and i try not to contemplate the one who got away. however, i do wish i had spent longer grieving and processing the termination as know i was not rational when i made the decision to try again and that is not fair on the baby. obviously it woiuld have been so much better to not have terminated the first one but i do try and raitonalise it that prengnancy may have been a miscarriage, still born. something gone wrong along the way- we dont know if that would have been a happy ending. message any time- its people on here have got me through x

@Saskia2023 I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Have you spoken to a doctor? It sounds like pure grief and post natal depression (due to hormones)? Maybe you could try some pills to help you? I had really bad anxiety but had a 2 year old and 6 year old to look after so kept telling myself focus on them aswell as baby.

I don't think you truly get over an abortion but trust your decision for now. If you went back in time at that moment you'd know why you've done it. I was really sick when I had to do it for my health and still I think I wish I was stronger. Last night I was sick and instantly knew why I had to have it done. But today...I'm like I shouldn't have had the termination.

@Saskia2023 I think it would be normal to question all your emotions but someone here said if you hadn't done the termination you would never meet the baby right in front of you now. That is not to justify the termination but to believe that maybe that soul was not meant for you at that time. I am so happy that you got your second chance. I think there's many of us here that would want that so enjoy your little family. One thing i realized is that we will never forget our terminated baby. It will always stay in our thoughts and they can't be replaced by another baby but we can fill our hearts in different ways.

As for me I don't think I will get my second chance given my age and how hesitant my husband is to try again. His aunty had a termination and then conceived again but her child ended up having a lot of health issues so my husband is so afraid of that. I want to tell him that might not be us but how will I ever know that ..sigh...if only I've got a time machine to turn back time

Btw how long you waited unless you conceived again after the termination ?

Thanks ladies. I only waited two months and conceived my rainbow first go (despite being 40 and my husband being older!) so know i was very lucky. But also that it was too soon as i was pretty suicidal and irrational when trying again. Im lucky that i am getting counselling from a specialist to help me process everything over the last year. i also know that whatever decision i make in life i question it (so why i thought i would walk out the termination and not regret it/question it- Ill never know!) Im really sorry @Regretttt you may not get your second chance. i wish more people would talk about the grief that comes from the termination.

I know I really wished more of us spoke about this whole experience. I was so hormonal after the termination and all I could think about is getting pregnant again. Now that I am a little more settled , I am struggling between actually wanting to have another baby or to stop feeling this pain..I know I will never forget this period of my life but i just hope I can somehow stop feeling guilty and regretful

@Saskia2023 how are you feeling ? I hope you are feeling better now and your hormones have settled more..
@heartbroken22 I really don't know how to talk to my husband about this. I tried talking to him tonight about trying again but it's like talking to a wall..I feel so lonely right now. I don't even know how to explain how lonely I feel and how broken I am right now but I need to hide it all and be normal for my kids and family...

Tell him when he's talking about something else like something vulnerable... instead of when he's tough because he won't listen. I remember saying so and so is pregnant...she so happy... I wish we had another...why didn't we not have it done...why didn't u stop me...I wish you had supported me...and Everytime I felt vulnerable I just told him again and again (these words are true because that's how I feel and still feel...I told him that yesterday too even though I have a baby- I get periods of remembering that time when I'm sat alone thinking about my life). You will get through to him at some point...

Hello, how are you doing now ? Did you manage to conceive?

Hello, how are you doing ? Did you go on to have a baby ?

I got pregnant first time trying with my current partner who I love with all my heart, then because my older kids (twins aged 11) freaked out and hated the whole idea and were screaming and crying and just not up for it I aborted the pregnancy. My partner really wanted the baby and so did I but I j

Whenever you feel ready, go for it. If in doubt then I'd recommend to work through any emotions or issues that might be lingering around the last abortion. I got pregnant 8 months after a medical abortion, after realising I did want a child, planned it, tracked ovulation, wanted to be pregnant, but somehow the second I saw the positive line I panicked and went into every stage of grief followed by many, many, termination appointments that I walked out of until I was 23 weeks. Everyone is different but the main thing is to be kind on yourself, I wasn't! I'm now having counselling after finally deciding to continue the pregnancy and it's helping.