Boyfriend has changed his mind on pregnancy

[Confusgurl]

I’m not sure where to start…
im 31 & my bf is 34, I found out I was pregnant on Monday. It was completely unplanned and a total total shock.

initially, I wanted to seriously consider abortion as me and my bf have been on the rocks the last month however we were turning a corner.
My bf at the start of the week was so so excited and basically bought me round on the idea that this could be the making of us. I’ve always wanted to be a mum & my bf already has a child from another relationship before me but has always wanted a family. So although the timing wasn’t great.. we both decided to go forward with it.
until last night, he bought up his doubts & whether we should carry on. He said some quite horrible things and put the blame on me for why things were rocky before, which is not fair.
Basically making me feel like the only reason he’s still with me is because of this.
Out of upset and anger I booked an appointment last night with an abortion clinic, as much as I want this baby and to be a mum, I want my partner fully on board.
my struggle is, if we go through with it, I know I will really struggle and resent seeing him with his other child.
He’s ok because he already has a kid, I do not.

I’m really at a loss as to what to do.

Please dont just do what your boyfriend is saying in the moment- he may just be having a wobble because of it being unplanned etc. even if you have booked an appointment you can use it to ask for counselling- this would give you a chance to explore what you actually want. before i had my terminaiton i thought we both had to want the baby but then i realise we both needed to want to end it. as you say the resentment you already recognise and believe me its horrendous and completely altered the relationship with my husband. ultimately would you choose your pregnancy or your boyfriend if it came down to it? its also worth remembering that as many as half of pregnancies are unplanned and people make it work. the other thing is and this sint the case for everybody but in many cases men seem to just almost forget its happened but some (not all women) really find it all a grief. youve done the right thing reaching out- the worst thing i did was just lt thoughts go round and round my head and not share them with anyone. whatever you decide to do giving it time and a chance to process what you want rather than being influenced by your boyfriend is important. message anytime theres a few of us on here whose been through it and it can feel a lonely place to be making the decision x

Thank you so much. I’m in tears reading this.
I just didn’t expect this to be how my first pregnancy would go.
I think you’re right and I’ll use the appointment to talk things through and go from there.

Please don't bring a child into the terrible situation that you're in already (it won't get any better , it would get worse) and please don't intentionally give a child this type of man for a father.

Think ultimately about the potential human, not your longing for children nor your wants.

Do not attach yourself nor a child to this man forever

Hi Confusgirl, I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through right now. What should be a joyful time is being complicated by your partner. I don't know what problems your relationship is having, or if he loves you like you want to be loved. One thing I can say is that life rarely goes how we plan it, or how we dreamed it would go. From getting pregnant way sooner than I wanted to, to having my husband lose his job totally unexpectedly, to my bestie becoming transgender, life has been one surprise after another. I had always hoped to be a stay-at-home mum the way my mum was for me, but life had other things in mind. However, that doesn't mean we still can't make the best of those circumstances. You don't have to stay with your partner, but if you want to be a mum and raise this child, you can still do that even if he is not by your side. You might really care about him, but the two of you may not be compatible. If he is verbally or emotionally abusive to you, that's a big problem, don't make excuses for him or accept blame for every flaw in the relationship. But the baby could be the one good thing that comes from this. How long have the two of you been together? I'll be thinking about you and hope to hear back. Take care dear.

Thank you so much for your kind words.
I had the phone call today about termination and they actually want me in for an emergency scan tomorrow morning as it may be an ectopic pregnancy.
it goes from bad to worse!!
but this has actually made me realise I want this child, if everything is okay of course.
I suppose I will know more tomorrow

Oh my goodness, I can't imagine the variety of emotions you've felt in the past few weeks. Glad you're getting checked for ectopic pregnancy. I hope it is good news. Have you gotten the results yet?

What happened OP?

So it turns out it wasn’t ectopic, baby is in the right place.
Me & my boyfriend have taken some time to think and take the pressure off for a week or so & we have decided we’re going ahead with the pregnancy.
it’s been a major shock and still is in some ways, I think telling people will start to make it real!!!
I still have some time as I am earlier than I thought but it’s looking like we will be keeping it :)

I'm happy for you, Confusgurl. I'm glad that you and the father are in the same mind about having a child. You still might want to consider counseling for the two of you to get better communication skills. I know he was harsh with you and made you upset. If this was not a one-time thing, it might be good to get some outside perspective on your relationship. I just want to make sure the two of you are giving your relationship the best odds, and that if tension runs high in the future, he doesn't start playing the blame game. That being said, I'm happy for you and wish you the best with your baby.