Abortion regret

[Holb99]

Hi everyone,

Im 33 and recently had a SA (9days ago). I was so so set on the procedure and from the moment I found out I just couldn’t fathom having the baby sadly. I wish I had felt happy and excited about the baby but I felt the opposite. Alongside I also had prenatal depression and serve nausea and exhaustion making it so so hard and probably clouding my judgment some what. up to the procedure and on the day of, I felt relieved it was nearly over,

anyway, what I’m here to ask, is people that have suffered after their abortion with regret of the abortion, guilt, shame, disappointment in themselves, sadness etc, does it get easier? Right now I just don’t see a way out of this pain I am feeling everyday.

thanks 💕

Yes just had my medication abortion 2 days ago and I’m feeling major regret.

Just so sorry you are going through this. It really was the worst period of my life and something no one ever prepares you for or talks about because then you are seen as anti abortion. it is a grief and do allow yourself to grieve. there is support out there- try and access counselling and if you are desperate ARCH provide a helpline where they will listen and be there for you. there are also plenty of us on here who have been through what you are going through. please message any time. like any grief it will not be this raw forever but do reach out- its a horrible and lonely place to be in x

I had mine over 40 years ago, do I feel guilty, yes, do I regret it, no. There’s no way I could have coped at the time both emotionally and financially with no partner. My biggest regret is I let my parents down, I could see how upset they were. You’ve got to give yourself time to grieve, an abortion is still a loss.

Hi, I'm sorry your going through this. You are not alone!! I too am riddled with grief, guilt and regret. I have a little boy and I have had to carry on being a mum knowing I've taken a sibling away from him and that is hardest for me.. also I got a infection after the surgical which has left me with chronic pain and possible infertility so the guilt and regret is very raw. Prenatal and ptsd from traumatic birth is real and it has consumed me. I am here if you need a chat I know I could do with a hand right now. Keep going and talking and letting it out. I have tried to soldier on since the procedure and it has caught up with me massively.

Just wanted to say that what you’re feeling is very relatable to a lot of women. I had a termination at the end of last year and was devastated by it. I was unsure and overwhelmed and ill and felt like I had to make an immediate decision. I assumed I would feel sad as I’d always wanted another baby and thought if we fell pregnant we’d just have another baby. All the information essentially said it’s be fine and there’d be no lasting mental or emotional effects. While I’m very much prochoice, I think the information that’s publicized doesn’t prepare you for some of the potential effects or really help you consider the options realistically.
The short answer to your question, in my own experience, is yes, it does yet better. Time takes time and that is what has helped me the most. The initial few months were awful, but things did get better. Keep in mind that your body has had a huge hormonal crash and this will make everything feel a lot worse until that passes, not dissimiliar to post partum depression. It may take longer than you’d expect for your body to get back to pre-pregnancy hormone levels. I did/am attending counseling to deal with my regret and that has also been helpful. Do you have access to some resources for that? I found exercising has been helpful too. And allowing myself to grieve and be sad about it. On days when it feels really overwhelming or particularly terrible I try to give myself some time to just be as upset as I want to be…as in “okay, I am going to cry as hard as I want for the next 10 minutes and then I’m going to get up and go do X”. I don’t know if any of that is helpful, but I hope so. Feel free to reach out if you’re feeling really down and need someone to vent to. Sometimes I feel like I’d just do anything to take it back and I think I will probably always wish I had made a different choice, but it has gotten easier to give myself grace.

Really sorry you are going through this. I'm in the same position, but rushed into mine as I was worried about going over the threshold from medical to surgical. I sort of knew I didn't want to do it but still did, I thought about what was right for everyone else in my life but not for me. I'm 3 months down the line now and still struggling, with the sadness, regret, anger, resentment. I'm going to councelling and really hoping it will get easier as I don't want this to ruin my life.
In moments of hope I feel I know we can get through this, time will help heal, we'll learn a lot about ourselves and our situations and what we want from our futures. Xxx

I had my first termination at 19, my first boyfriend, his influence was the driving force of the whole situation…I was young..in love…and did not want him to leave me..so I went through with it ..for him..5 months later ..he left me..in pieces..to pick up all the pieces. Nearly 20 years ago and still childless ..it hurts just the same as it did..so fresh still in my memory..some days I’m good..some days I’m reliving it..I wish I got more help and support back then ..got given a leaflet and told to rest and that was it. I don’t think you ever get over it..but what you need to do is live your life..no matter how much it hurts ..let yourself heal ❤️

One year and 3 months. It doesn't get better or fade, I am sorry. I am dying every day because of what I did. I only hope that someone who is on the fence right now sees this and makes the right choice.