Partner called me stupid for want to keep baby

[Blessing9089]

Partner wants me to abort.

I’m broken and battling with my heart and my head.

my partner is 33 and I 26. We have been together for a year plus but live in different cities. I however work from home so I’m at his every week from Wednesday to Sunday sometime the entire week/weeks.

when we first got together I bought the condoms as I was not ready for children.. he did not want to use these so we got tested together.. I explained to him that I was not on any form of contraceptives .. he knew this!!

Surprise surprise I get pregnant. I told him the very day and I knew I didn’t want to have abortion and said as much to him.

my Partner is fairly well off and I am doing okay but nowhere as good as he is. I’m also due to start university really soon.

he has been horrible calling me stupid, telling me I’m acting like a child said that he wouldn’t have had intercourse if he knew I would not have an abortion. I feel like he’s doing it on purpose to also push me into having an abortion. The pregnancy has also been extremely hard so far.

Nobody ever wants this but I never thought he would act this way !! I don’t want to be with him or around him!! I don’t want to have half his DNA growing inside me!! I don’t want to linked to this man for the rest of my life but…

I also don’t know if I can live with having an abortion. My family is SUPER supportive and I have an excellent group of friends ( many don’t know as yet) but I know they’ll be supportive.

this is my first pregnancy and I was informed that I’m having twins.. I don’t know what to do !!

im ashamed and confused please help

only had an abortion if you want one not because he wants one.and it sounds like you dont want one. too many women (myself included) have had one because of my partners wishes but once i had the abortion i could not believe i put him before my wishes. if you go ahead with the termination its not like you just go back to where you were- you may always resent him and it can take a lot to bring back a relationship from that. think what would? happen if he split up with you anyway in 6 months- how would you feel? it can be worth accessing counselling to help process your feelings about what you want? unis are experienced at supporting new mums- things like nurseries, bursaries and extensions/flexible courses etc so dont worry too much about that. do what your heart wants. too many men just see termination as a contraception solution but as women we have to deal with the emotional fall out. whilst some women walk out of terminations ok, many struggle emotionally afterwards that no one talks about. and you need to be honest with yourself about which of the hard choices you could live with most. sorry you are in this position and message any time as its a dreadfully lonely and difficult place to be. you are doing the right thing reaching out to process your feelings. the worse thing i did was just keep it between me and my husband and didnt even do any googling!

From your post, it seems like what you want is to keep the baby so I think you should. It’s good that you have a supportive family and group of friends. I’m sure they can help you.

What kind of man has unprotected sex and just assumes the woman will follow his wishes to have an abortion or multiple abortions just so he doesn't have to wear a condom?? I'm so sorry if he tricked you into thinking that he would be open to children and then sprung this on you. He may not like it but if you decide to have the baby (or babies) in most countries the father is required to give financial support. Also, I hope you won't make the decision based on this guy being the father. I have several friends who got pregnant from bad, selfish men, but their children are wonderful. You will love your babies and they will be precious to you no matter where that part of their DNA came from. If you want to be a mum, don't let him threaten, manipulate, or push you into doing anything you don't want to do. Having supportive family and friends is such a huge help. Take control even if he's trying to keep you under his thumb. May you find strength you didn't know you had.

I feel like I’m going crazy !!! I never thought id be in this situation and my mind is saying terminate but my heart is saying keep and protect my babies… I’m really in two minds and I don’t know what to do

i think the fact that your heart is about keeping the pregnancies you are going to really struggle if you terminate. the practical aspects arent ideal but rarely do people have a baby in perfect scenarios (and actually even those who do can find situations change e.g people's husbands leave them a few months in, people lose jobs, wars happen. your friends and family will support you. your partner may or may not step up but he will still have to provide financial imput. dont have a termination for him- you will resent him and may the relationship hard to sustain anyway. you can delay starting uni or start then take a leave of absence- unis are very expeirenced at dealing with pregnant students! i would never tell someone what to do but i know when i had the termination, all the practical problems suddenly seemed managable but what i could not heal was my heart x

I'd keep them if that's what u want. You'll resent him afterwards.

I'd say follow your heart. Quite often men come round to having children once things settle and they see the scans etc. I wouldn't let a partner tell me what to do in this case. I'd only terminate if that's what I wanted.

I had a termination at 8 weeks and deeply regretted it and then got pregnant 3 months later as the grief I had was debilitating. I'm not going to lie it's been hard but honestly my baby is now 3 months and she's absolute Angel. I love her. She's made me wish I never had my abortion and wish I had a bit more faith in myself. I remember when I was pregnant and had hg my husband didn't understand and was borderline abusive verbally screaming go have an abortion if that's making you so sick. But when I actually took the pills he was heartbroken. I wish someone had been there to tell me my hg would have got better and I wish I fought more to rest etc. but it made stronger and when I got pregnant again I made sure I looked after myself and didn't listen to anyone.