Unplanned pregnancy

[Purplehaze28]

We had our daughter in 2021 after IVF. It was a very tough pregnancy - I was really sick throughout- and her birth was traumatic.

I am now unexpectedly pregnant. After taking a pregnancy test, I went to the early pregnancy unit for a scan to make sure the test wasn’t a false positive due to cysts etc. the midwife confirmed I was six weeks and I could see it in the scan. I felt absolutely no joy and when I got into the car I sobbed and sobbed saying I can’t do this again.

I believe I have trauma from my previous pregnancy. I have suffered from anxiety and depression since my early 20s, and having had a breakdown in November there, was in the process of switching medication.

Since the scan my anxiety has been through the roof. I have had constant panic attacks, cannot sleep or eat. I am secretly hoping for something to go wrong so I don’t have to make a decision about termination. My husband is much older than me- he is practical and says he will go through with it if that is what we decide to do, but he also says that he doesn’t think my mental health is stable enough for this. He says he will struggle to look after our two year old, baby and dog if I am unwell.

On the other side of things I have my parents who I know want me to keep the pregnancy (they are trying to remain unbiased but it is coming through). My mum says for example you need to think longer term too eg when your kids are at school etc and it will be easier.

I just wanted somewhere to vent and maybe there have been others in a similar situation.

so sorry you are in this situation. it sounds like it would be worth accessing counselling to process what you want. if you go ahead there are servies to help with you with perinatal mental health but also support to help you process traumatic births. i think the thing is emotionally how would you cope with a termination- i had one earlier this year as i didnt think i could cope with the mh of pregnancy and a baby but then what no one talks about is that its not like you come out of the clinic and everything is back to where it was- it can really affect you mentally a termination of you already are feeling a bit rubbish (i appreciate not everyone and manage people walk out of it fine but not everyone does and we dont really talk about them). so its almost like either is a difficult choice but which one could you cope with most? my biggest regret was i didnt seek counselling beforehand to help me process what were my true feelings and what was my aniexty etc-even if i had made the same decision i may have more at peace with it after. keep messaging on here- there are many of us women in the same situation and its a choice you never think you may have to think about x

Thanks for this. I do think counselling would be beneficial- I am seeing my doc on Tuesday so maybe he can point me in the direction of a professional. Or maybe I can contact a charity online. I’m sorry for what you had to go through - hugs xx

If you google there are charities like Arch and Stillwaters who can offer you counselling- i rushed into a decision thinking i just wanted a decision made but actually a few more days here and there is more important to make the decision you feel you can best cope with given all the unknowns. Some towns also have a local charities. its hard either way as you are making a life long decision but with so many unknowns! you are doing the right thing reaching out and speaking with people- it helps you process things more than just going over things in your head x

How are you doing, Purplehaze? I believe there are some depression medications that are safe for pregnancy, maybe this is something you could look into if that's the main obstacle for you. Hope you are doing okay, dear.