Head vs heart

[justfound]

Hi,

I have just found out this evening I am pregnant. I am taking the pill but I felt car sick the other day which is one of my signs. So feeling paranoid I tested to put my mind at ease never expecting I actually would be.

I feel devastated.

I already have 4 children (all with an ex) and my new partner (who I've been with for 4 years) also has kids from a previous marriage. My youngest is just starting school this year. The blended family works well, the kids all get on and partner moved in a few months ago. Financially we are stretched at the moment with cost of living so that would be a worry as would space as the kids share rooms. We would need to move in the end which would be a possibility but a new baby would mean me pushing back full time work another 4 years possibly.

Partners brother is also in an ideal situation for having children and his partner has lost two babies recently so I feel guilty for having this unwanted one.

Practically my head says no way. We never wanted more. I haven't even told partner yet he knows it's a possibility and has said either way he will support me but I know he feels too old (40) to start again.

My heart doesn't know if I can go through with it, but I know not having it would be the right decision for us as a family I just don't know mentally if I could cope with it which seems selfish of me.

I can't talk to anyone in real life, my family would all disapprove and I couldn't bare to tell anyone as I don't think I should keep it

Please could anyone tell me the process of an abortion, due to being on the pill I am not 100% sure when my last period was I think about 2 months ago, however I have only been having a period every 2 months (as on continuous pill)

I have also still been taking the pill all this time and did drink at a wedding the other day so worried about that too

Hi, sorry to hear about your situation, it’s so hard isn’t it! I recently found out I’m pregnant and I’m having a termination. Like you, I already have kids and so does my partner so we never planned for anymore. Our contraception also failed us. I’m 5 weeks pregnant and had my telephone consultation yesterday with a clinic (NHS) and they explained the options for me. You can wait her take pills (medical) or have a surgical termination where they suck the foetus out after softening your cervix. I can’t have the pills due to other medication I’m taking so I’m having a surgical removal. You can’t have a surgical until you’re 7 weeks though so next week I’m going in for bloods and a scan etc which is standard for any method. You can only have pills up to 10 weeks I think? I don’t feel happy about having a termination is I feel awful about it but you need to do what’s right for you. Don’t feel pressured either way x

Thanks for replying,

I just feel like either way it's going to be awful.

I know if we kept it we would make it work but it would be a very very big struggle and would effect all the other children too it's just such a complicated situation.

If I get rid of it I know it's what I should do but mentally I am struggling with the morals of it when if our situation was slightly different money wise we wouldn't have this option.

I spoke and cried a lot to my partner over the last couple of days, he feels the same as me, it would of been lovely to go through the experience together of having a child but it's just not the right timing. He said he will support me either way whatever I want to do but I am still so torn.

I also felt like I felt my tummy flutter yesterday, I don't know if that's me just being paranoid and overthinking but I'm now anxious to have a scan and find out how far I am as I honestly have no clue. So that's on the back of my mind, I couldn't go through with it if it was. And then I find myself wishing I am even though I know it's not the right situation.

I know it’s not easy, I’m not happy about doing it either. Why don’t you call your GP and explain the situation. They should then get you in for a scan so they can date your pregnancy and then you could go from there? See how you feel after you know how far along you are? You’ll also be able to talk to someone too who will help you with the mental health side of things x

Will they do a scan at the clinic? Or would I have to go to a normal maternity unit? This is what worries me xx

Hey hon depending on the provider most clinics do their own scans so no need for a maternity unit xx

@Tori2708 did you end up having the abortion? I am going for a scan this afternoon and feeling very nervous

Hey, I had my scan but because I was only just 5 weeks they couldn’t see anything! I wanted a surgical abortion which you can’t have until you’re 7 weeks. So she’s booked me in at the end of the month as that was their next available appointment. So I am going ahead but haven’t had it yet! Try not to be nervous, they should make you feel at ease x

How did you get on? X

Hi yes it went okay, I was a lot more calmer than I thought I would be, I knew it was the right thing to do.

Scan put me at 7 weeks 3 days, I had the first tablet there and will be taking the second one tomorrow morning straight after I've taken the kids to school. I feel a bit nervous about that.

I had a little cry last night I just feel sad but I do know it's the right choice.

The sickness has really ramped up this week and I was actually sick this morning rather than just feeling sick. I am hoping it doesn't take too long to go once the pregnancy is over.

I think the hardest thing has been lying to friends and family, I was feeling extremely guilty avoiding everyone so I have told a couple of close friends yesterday and I have also taken the week off work which they were fine with.

my sickness is really bad too, it’s getting worse everyday! I hope you’re ok, I know it’s not a nice decision, I really found it difficult too x